Drunken Affections

"Is it truly impossible for us to be together?" 

Lan Yi Xuan approached Xuan Yue, gently brushing his fingers through her hair. 

"Did you refrain from stopping me simply because you wanted to be with me?" 

Xuan Yue, who had been resting her head on the table, suddenly opened her eyes and looked up at Lan Yi Xuan, softly posing the question. 

"As long as you understand in your heart, there's no need to voice it aloud," Lan Yi Xuan replied, mimicking Xuan Yue's tone as he took a seat beside her. Was she now as helpless as he had once been? Even if he wished to act childishly and cause a scene like her, it would serve no purpose. 

What he had resolved could not be altered by anyone else, yet there remained someone capable of changing his mind. But what about her? The decisions she made were unchangeable by anyone. 

Xuan Yue smiled, entwining her arm with Lan Yi Xuan's, resting her chin on the back of his hand as she looked up at him. "You know me well; I can't keep secrets. If I hold back my words, I feel suffocated." 

She shook Lan Yi Xuan's hand playfully. "Rather than suffering myself, it's much better to make you uncomfortable, right?" 

Lan Yi Xuan smirked, his gaze locked onto Xuan Yue, pointing at her bright, sparkling eyes, akin to stars in the clear night sky. "Aren't you drunk?" 

Xuan Yue laughed lightly, grasping Lan Yi Xuan's hand. "I was indeed intoxicated, but the delightful aroma of food has pulled me back from my drunken reverie." 

She chuckled again, gesturing to the food box beside Lan Yi Xuan and patting her flat stomach. "For you, I woke up early this morning, and yet I still haven't had breakfast." 

Rising to her feet, Xuan Yue was momentarily blinded by the bright sunlight pouring through the window. Shaking her head, she quickly returned to her original seat. 

She was becoming increasingly unaccustomed to being alone with just the two of them, burdened by the weight of her heart, feeling restless. 

With a smile, Lan Yi Xuan began to unpack the food from the box, laying the dishes out on the table. Xuan Yue gazed at the array of delicious foods, feeling a flicker of joy and appetite, yet she found it impossible to express the same excitement she once had. As she struggled to laugh heartily, her eyes caught the familiar half-smile of Lan Yi Xuan, a sight she could never forget. 

"Lei Yun's culinary skills remain as exquisite as ever," Xuan Yue remarked, turning to Lan Yi Xuan. However, as she spoke, a mouthful of food unexpectedly sprayed onto his face. 

"Food should not be discussed while eating," Lan Yi Xuan said, brushing away the pastry crumbs from his cheek, his smile unwavering and calm. 

Xuan Yue giggled. "Is this the first time you've seen me like this?" 

Deliberately, she licked the crumbs off her hand in front of him, feigning regret as she sighed. "I shouldn't have chugged down all that wine in one go." 

She clapped her hands, stretching her body. "I get drowsy after a full meal." 

As she spoke, she pushed her chair back and stretched her arms overhead, heading toward the bedroom with her eyes closed. 

Lan Yi Xuan, unfazed, poured himself a cup of tea, inhaling its fragrance before taking a sip and placing it back on the table. He turned to Xuan Yue. "Time is limited; stay and converse with me for a while." 

Xuan Yue's raised hand froze mid-air, her mouth still open in a yawn as she remained motionless. 

She smiled to herself in a direction Lan Yi Xuan could not see, the bitter taste of her emotions spreading within her. 

Taking a deep breath, she felt a slight stiffness in her expression, pouting in annoyance. Turning around, she plastered on a smile reminiscent of her former self and trotted back to her seat, propping her chin in her hands, gazing at Lan Yi Xuan with a twinkle in her eye. "What would you like to discuss, Lan Gongzi?" 

Holding his teacup, Lan Yi Xuan gently swirled it, watching the ripples dance within. "Speak, and I shall listen." 

"Are you asking me to talk to myself, Lan Gongzi?" 

Lan Yi Xuan regarded Xuan Yue, taking a small sip of tea and nodding in affirmation. 

"Though I enjoy chatting and am quite skilled at it, talking to oneself feels rather foolish, don't you think?" 

Yet, she often found herself in such foolishness. 

Whether it was during her time at Li Hua Zhai, when Lan Yi Xuan drank the sap of the man-eating tree, or when he fell unconscious, she could easily fill the silence with her thoughts. 

Lan Yi Xuan raised his teacup, obscuring much of his face. "Isn't Moon Er tired?" 

As Xuan Yue pondered how to respond, Lan Yi Xuan's sudden voice pulled her attention back. His broad sleeves concealed much of his features, leaving her unable to see his eyes or his expression. 

Propping her chin on her hands, she focused on Lan Yi Xuan, her thoughts drifting as her mind began to blank. 

This version of Lan Yi Xuan could effortlessly break down her defenses; even if he were insincere, he could elicit genuine feelings from her. If he treated others with sincerity, what was there that he could not achieve? 

"Am I not tired?" 

Xuan Yue turned slightly, avoiding his gaze and peering out through the open window at the azure sea and sky. 

Bearing the burdens of two men and balancing the interests of two nations was already exhausting, but now, she had been told that those two men, who occupied her heart, could not coexist. The happiness she desired was forever unattainable. What could be more cruel than that? 

She yearned to return to her carefree laughter of the past, yet even a mere smile felt like a stab to her heart. 

To Lan Yi Xuan, she truly felt guilty; he had sacrificed so much for her, yet in the end, she could only let go of his hand. 

"Since you don't wish to intervene, then do nothing at all; let me handle everything." 

Her head was spinning; she had consumed quite a bit and, with an empty stomach, she felt herself becoming tipsy.

Taking a deep breath, her heart ached, and her nose tinged with sorrow: "From the moment we met until now, it has always been you who has given so much for me. Yet now, I must leave your side, and I feel deeply remorseful." 

Lan Yixuan gazed at Xianyue, knowing from the outset what she intended to convey. She was not one to conceal her thoughts; having kept many things bottled up to spare Feng Jiulan worry, he wished she would not adopt the same approach with him, bearing all her burdens in silence. 

"So, my lord Lan, please do not take any action; allow me to handle everything. In matters like today, no matter how you proceed, there will be criticism. You, my lord, are a benevolent man, and such matters are better left to me. I have long felt guilty towards you and have always wanted to do something in return." 

Lan Yixuan observed Xianyue's profile, turned away from him, her features soft and gentle, tears gliding down her cheeks, the upturned corners of her mouth causing him great pain. 

How could there ever be another Feng Xianyue in this world? 

"Xianyue." 

Lan Yixuan gently called her name, rising from his seat to pat her shoulder, reaching out to embrace her, but hesitating. 

How could he not understand? He was Lan Yixuan, not Feng Xianyue, and he could not deal with matters as freely as she did. He could not let people like Xu An go unpunished without losing his authority, yet uprooting such individuals was nearly impossible. The intricacies of this nation mirrored the complexities of his life, far beyond what was apparent to others. 

In the land of Lan, Xu An was akin to Gong Shaohua's right-hand man; keeping him close served as a warning to the court ministers while significantly undermining Gong Shaohua's influence in the realm. This outcome was the best they could hope for. 

"Lord Lan." 

Xianyue softly called out, hurriedly wiping away her tears and grasping Lan Yixuan's hand, which hung suspended in the air: "Is Lan Yixuan not someone destined for greatness? Do you not despise slaughter and bloodshed? Allow me to handle these matters; I wish to present this world as a gift to you. In doing so, I hope to fill some part of the void within me and ease my heartache." 

As she spoke, her tears flowed more rapidly. She had vowed not to feel sorrow, yet why did her heart ache so? The pain was far worse than being whipped. 

"Xianyue." 

His gentle voice stirred waves of emotion as Lan Yixuan stepped before her, lowering himself to tenderly wipe away her tears. "It matters not if those things are lost." 

The splendid kingdom, to be enjoyed solely by him, surrounded by so many, yet without one he truly desired—was that not even more hollow? 

Xianyue shook her head, gazing up at Lan Yixuan, her bright eyes shimmering with tears like a hazy mist: "As long as they are what you desire, I will deliver those gifts to you personally. Regarding Gong Shaohua and Lan Yixuan, rest assured, I will avenge our mother." 

Lan Yixuan lowered his gaze, fixating on her stubborn little face, and nodded: "Do what you wish." 

Xianyue bit her lip, shaking off Lan Yixuan's hand as she stood. "I'm truly tired; I shall rest now." 

Lan Yixuan released her hand and took a seat beside her. 

Midway, Xianyue suddenly turned around, rushed to Lan Yixuan's side, and embraced him tightly from behind, sobbing uncontrollably. 

"Lan Yixuan, I am so filled with hatred." 

A deep hatred, particularly for Liu Xinyou. No matter what she attempted, it seemed impossible to find a perfect solution; none of it was what she desired. 

"I wish I could inflict a thousand cuts upon Liu Xinyou." 

Lan Yixuan gently patted Xianyue's shoulder, saying nothing. 

He understood her sorrow. 

"What have I done to deserve this from her? Why must she treat me this way? Why?" 

"If you're tired, then rest well." 

Xianyue lay in Lan Yixuan's embrace, crying, finding warmth and comfort in his hold. 

"Lan Yixuan." 

Xianyue looked up, "I will cry just one last time." 

Lan Yixuan nodded, softly patting her back. Time slipped away, and eventually, Xianyue cried herself to sleep. 

"I will wait for you in the land of Lan, no matter how long it takes; I will await your return."