Chapter 42 - Hunger.

Xin reviewed his checklist. The group is well-supplied, the rain is over, even the injured are relatively fine. 

There were still some lingering remnants of the morning mist across the landscape, and the cool air had a pleasant after-rain fragrance to it.

"Everyone, let's run the supply check again!" Xin shouted out. He saw a bunch of friendly, but slightly mocking smiles directed at him. "Water! Dry clothing! Medicine! Firewood! Rations! Make sure you don't forget any bags, pouches or clothing! Is everything in check?"

Everyone nodded, but Su Xing rushed inside to grab something he forgot. He quickly returned. Xin smirked.

"Bad news, everyone. We'll march towards the Yellow Pine forest and camp there. If you have a reasonable foraging suggestion along the way, don't shy away from telling me, I'll consider it. How much lamp oil do we have in total?"

"Day's worth of oil for one lamp. Definitely not enough for the whole group." Murong Zhan answered and averted his gaze. His voice was slightly irritated, he was probably upset with Xin for wasting the oil, then asking the group to enter some dark mines hours later.

"We'll prepare the torches, too. The mine is travelled through from time to time, it shouldn't be too dangerous." Xin tried to uplift the spirits of the group, but he felt some anxiety in the air. Was it his? 

"You done? Let's move out." Xie Taowei looked calm and composed, as if he slept all night and didn't stand guard. 

The group ventured forth, leaving the ruined homestead behind. How many people even perished there? At least thirty, Xin guessed, and at least eight horses. There was a chest filled with child clothing in one of the houses. Made for great fuel and bandages. Xin sighed.

By the afternoon, with only minor stops, the group reached a small river. They crossed it easily, and Xin used this chance to look at the squad again. Masters Qiang, Ming and Taowei looked calm. The disciples were also composed, even disciple Nang, who was injured the worst, was rather stoic, walking confidently. Xin knew that Wu Xiaoyun was constantly using up her qi reserves to mend the squad's wounds, but he didn't mind, it was much more important to bring Yao Nang, Su Xing and Wu Lei to full power than to make sure she has her mortal-level wood path attacks.

As the evening descended, the group could see the outskirts of the Yellow Pine forest. It would probably take until night to reach it proper, but it was still a good sight to behold. The steppe, with its snakes and tall grass, mud and piercing wind, was a menacing location for a group without horses. 

Xin kept walking, until at one point, he lost the sense of time and self, entering a trance. It oft happened to him when he hunted or travelled, but it was never this intense. He walked in this flow state, chaotic thoughts lingering in his mind. 

I hunted, living off the land. Not leading, not struggling, not serving. Just me and nature, with the occasional company of people. Serene. Tranquil. Politics, business, friendship — these are all engaging and give life its flavour. Supposedly. Why do they feel so meaningless, then? So artificial? 

Xin thought about starting a family one day. Not leaving his kid like his mother did, and not failing his kid like his father. The thought of getting close with someone stung him. He felt like a bear in front of a beehive. There is so much honey inside, yet you'll get stung a hundred times before you eat it. You'll lie there with your belly full and your nose swollen, wondering if it was even worth it. You'll regret it if you do this, and regret it if you don't. Life is weird.

What a fucking loser I am. Doubting myself all the time, trying to play it smart and making myself look like a fool. Constant repression. Keeping myself busy to avoid being alone with myself, and keeping thoughts occupied when alone, to avoid delving any deeper.

A prisoner in my own head and body. Disgusting.

I should be striving to become better. Wouldn't it be nice to beat Lei? He's stronger than me,

his arm is just handicapping him. Am I jealous? Rui Ming, why am I not jealous of him? Is it because he looks unreachable? Is it because he is not as relatable as Lei? Fuck, I should strive to beat him, too. And I should have pursued Jia Li. Even Yao Nang probably likes me, she's single now. Or Wu Xiaoyun? She smells nice.

Xin suddenly stopped, and the whole caravan with him. 

"Gotcha!" He put an arm into his chest pocket.

"The fuck?" Tu Qiang, walking behind him, was dumbfounded.

"Nevermind, everyone, keep going!"

"Ha, weirdo. I'll cut you some slack, we've been through a lot." Tu Qiang tried keeping himself positive, but still stared at Xin from under his eyebrows.

Xin found a wooden figurine in his pocket. It trembled lightly as Xin firmly gripped it. It's you, fucker! Shitting into my thoughts! How long have I been under your influence? Trying to get me to court Yao Nang was your mistake, beast!

No response, just an angry growling. The totem knew no language, and had no body language, too. It was very hard to communicate with it, unless you were well-attuned spiritually. 

Xin tried sending it his feelings and thoughts. 

"When change me mind?" He kept it simple, he doubted the tiger would know any grammar. No response. 

"What you want?" He tried again. A growl. 

"Me bad?" No response. "What me do?" No response.

"Fuck you!" He got a hiss in response. That's something.

"I kill your owner? Was yaoguai you?" A cat-like cry of sorrow. Xin kept walking, but was invigorated, and didn't notice himself speed up.

"Hey, Xin. We've got some injured here, calm down." Master Taowei called him out from behind.

"Ughu." He responded gutturally and slowed down. Damn distractions.

"Me your master." 

A loud growl assaulted his ears in response. The tiger filled his mind with flashing images. Running away from Tealstone, losing to Lei, his pathetic self-pleasing session thinking about lady Meiling, running around like a headless chicken in the last fight. Not my master.

"How master you?" Xin was glad his method was working. It took a lot of effort and training to reach this stage of communication.

"I fucking insist! I am a hunter, I won't play these fucking games with an animal! Tell me what you want or I'll crush you in my hands, you pathetic piece of wood!" No response.

After a brief pause, he could hear satisfied purring. 

Wait, I lost my composure and forgot to communicate properly. It didn't understand what I said, but it liked my attitude? My anger? It's a big risk, pandering to a totem, need to be careful.

"Tell me what do! Now! Or I kill ya!" The totem hissed angrily and lashed out. He felt his meridians stress and his mind drift, as if his whole soul was being assaulted. He then heard a growl. Not a tiger's mighty growl, but a growl the gut makes when it's hungry.

"You want eat?" An image of a crouching tiger popped up in his mind in response. 

"Me hunt you happy?" Xin saw himself naked, killing with his bare arms. Oh, so that's what you want.

Oh, I see. Now, the most important part. Bargaining. 

"Give power, I give you hunt, after trip. Good? I go hunt and live alone and be Yang, good?" He heard some purring.

Suddenly, Xin's nose itched badly. When he scratched it, he felt it get filled with alien qi and start snotting. Is this the first power?

He focused and sniffed the air. He could smell so much more! The people, the sweat, the field flowers and the little rodents. Urine and excrements of different steppe creatures, some were leaving markings and smells as a signal, some were just relieving themselves.

His senses were overwhelmed, and the ability faded away. Once he reached out to the totem, he found it dormant again. It was too hungry and exhausted to exert itself. Xin decided to feed it a spirit stone or two once they rest, but it was a suboptimal method. We need to attune properly.

After two more hours of walking, Xin raised his finger, then stopped in his tracks.

"Everyone, drop down to the ground." He said quietly, while crouching himself. Everybody obliged. Xin infused his eyes with qi, to strengthen his eyesight, and asked the totem to provide its smell again. It didn't budge.

In the distance, amid the fading sunlight, he noticed a line of silhouettes, tall and not reflecting light very well. He squinted his eyes more. It was hard to distinguish these little dots at such distance and with limited lighting, but his senses weren't those of a regular human. 

"Some dots above the grass. Armoured humans, I think. Riding horses. Going sideways from us, need to wait." He whispered. "If these are the nomads, they might have totemic powers, and might detect us. We'll lie down for some time, then we stand up and walk calmly. No one talks until I give the signal." He whispered his orders.

Twenty minutes of lying on the ground followed. Luckily, it wasn't that cold. Xin embraced the earth, attuning to the sounds of insects and rodents minding their own business. Oddly relaxing. He then gave everyone the signal to stand up. Xin was happy that master Taowei didn't doubt him or interject with his own orders.

"They gone?" He asked his new outrider.

"Probably. We are in the open field, I see no reason why they wouldn't just attack us if they noticed us. Stay cautious, anyway. We need to reach the Yellow Pine forest, at least the cavalry won't threaten us there."

"Lead on."

The night came as they entered a beautiful meadow on the outskirts of the forest. It was lush with an abundance of colourful flora: canary, crimson, viridian and purple spring flowers, growing under tall and ancient coniferous trees.

Xin suddenly heard rustling in the bushes in front of him. He raised his hand, then hushed everyone.

Totem, give power. I insist. I feed you.

It reluctantly obliged, giving him a part of its smell power. We're slowly establishing contact. Good.

Xin sniffed the air. Rabbits? But also some musky smell. Weird. 

Xin grabbed his crossbow, carefully put his bags down and reinforced his boots with wood qi to travel quieter. Now, he just needed to calculate the perfect trajectory to approach the animals.

An opportunity presented itself. With the way wind blew, he could flank the prey and avoid revealing his smell at the same time. How did the animals not get alerted by their arrival? Nevermind. Xin sneaked through a small bush, and got closer to the rabbits.

Oh, I see. He smiled. The rabbits were mating, judging by the sounds of it. An auspicious omen. Now, to kill two rabbits with one arrow, I'd need to get closer from the flank, and nail the male rabbit through his spine, right into the female rabbit. Seems doable. 

Xin sneaked a bit more, and got a small line of sight on the rabbit's spine. It was a big, fat rabbit, probably why it was so loud and careless. It was puffing on top of a smaller female, Xin couldn't see her, but deduced her size and where she was. There was some twisted irony in this event, he even felt bad about killing his prey, which almost never happened. 

Aim. Breathe out. Pull the trigger.

Twang. Swish. 

The arrow twisted, straightened up, nailed both rabbits at the same time, then got stuck in the earth. Xin approached his game, and ended their agony with a trained motion.

"Sorry, pal." He pulled his arrow out and cleaned it. It wasn't even bent, could use it again. "Hey guys, we've got two rabbits for dinner!"