Past & Present

Nicolai

The shadows clung to me like a cloak as I leaned against the bar, idly strumming my guitar. I closed my eyes as my long fingers picked at the strings to make sure the glow of my sapphire eyes from the dim stage lights didn't give me away. Soon the area would burst with light and sound—the country band scheduled for tonight was a raucous one. For now, the bar was quiet, just a whispered precursor to the rowdy Friday night that was to come. It was my favorite time of night—quiet, without the thrum of blood coursing through the veins of the humans surrounding me.It was just another night in Austin, Texas, the city I now called my home. My sanctuary. Few knew I was more than just a bartender—few knew the truth. I was an ancient Russian vampire who had once served as a guard to the ruthless Vampire Queen, Oriana. I had escaped, fleeing the eastern kingdom I once called home after an event that still haunted me and had me renouncing who and what I was. The memories were still too painful to touch, but they crept into my dreams in a tide of blood and despair threatening to pull me under.After years on the run, I had settled in Austin, shedding my old life to walk unnoticed among the humans. Austin's official motto was Keep Austin Weird and that attitude suited my needs well. Here, I wasn't Nicolai, personal guard and hunter to the Queen. I was simply Nick, a bartender who played a mean guitar and kept to himself. But the creature within still stirred, that ancient, primal hunger awakening each night with the moon, even though I had vowed never to take blood from human flesh again.Over the years, I had found ways to subdue the gnawing in my gut and keep my promises to myself at the same time. At first, late night hunts in the moon-washed wilderness, stalking the coyotes and deer there sustained me, if not satisfied me. After being here a couple years, I had started talking to a regular named Leo, a fellow Russian transplant.Leo wasn't exactly human, and it had taken me years to get him to admit to being a druid almost as old as time itself. He owned the building the bar was in as well as several apartment complexes. Long life made for fat wallets if you planned properly. It also gave Druids incredible discernment abilities. He had figured out my true nature in relatively short order despite my extensive precautions. I'd never forget the surreal conversation we'd had that fateful night when he shared his knowledge with me and probably saved me from getting staked. I had been close to the edge, the humans' heartbeats and rushing of the sweet nectar in their veins becoming too much to ignore.Leo slid onto the barstool across from me as I was cleaning the last glass of the night. I nodded at him. "Last call is already over, Leo."He grinned a devilish smile at my pronouncement, his eyes flashing silver for just a moment. "Long night, my friend?"I forced a closed-lipped smile. My fangs were halfway down despite my best efforts. The bar had been packed and the women especially tempting tonight. I would have to make a quick trip out into the scrub this evening and hunt. "Aren't they all?""Some more than others, I'd wager," Leo said, voice lowered. "Especially for those with … particular appetites."I froze. What was he playing at? Was he fishing for information, or did he know something? I put down the glass and started wiping down the bar, not responding.Leo leaned in. "You don't have to hunt alone, you know. There are others here who understand creatures like you. Many who want to help."I gripped the glass tightly. "I don't know what you're talking about, Leo, but it's time to close up.""No one thrives alone, Nicolai," he continued, his accent becoming thicker. "Let me introduce you to some friends of mine. They run a sort of … bank for those who have special needs here. Completely willing donors."My mind raced. I met Leo's gaze. "Not that I'm really interested," I said with an air of boredom, "but who would run something like that and why?"Leo smiled wryly. "You are not alone here, moi zhazhdushchy drug (my thirsty friend). Austin is filled with those who are, shall we say, special and extremely long-lived."I hesitated. It could be a trap … but a ready blood supply would change everything. "And you trust these 'friends'?""With my life." Leo scribbled an address on a napkin. "Ask for Dorian. He's one of us."I palmed the napkin. "Us? I'm no Druid, Leo. Far from it."Leo's lips quirked up under his long, black beard, but didn't answer. "Just call them. Check them out yourself.""I'll consider it," I said slowly. "But know I can protect myself if I need to."Leo held up his hands. "Perish the thought. We just want to help you walk in more comfort, my friend."I nodded. I still had an escape route if things went wrong. Could there actually be a group of allies for someone, something, like me? "Alright," I said. "Tell Dorian to expect a call."Leo smiled, eyes glinting mysteriously. "You won't regret it."After that night, I met Dorian and made use of his donors on a regular basis. Leo had been right. It was all very professional and soothed the fire in me that I had battled for so long I thought it would never be quenched without causing further death. Though the facility maintained a strict decorum and was very discreet, I still recognized other vampire patrons who wandered into the bar on occasion. A tip of the head or a pointed look was the only acknowledgement we ever gave each other. It was better that way.And as for the humans, I still kept myself isolated from them. Other than joking with a patron or flirting mildly for a better tip, I avoided all contact. I felt these severed bonds deeply, but I had learned the hard way millennia ago. A vampire who could live for thousands of years didn't dare form real relationships with mortals who would age as I remained frozen in time. Better to keep drifting, a stranger passing through their lives. I had come to love Austin but knew there would come a day I would have to move on.I also didn't dare become entangled with others of my own kind. If they ever learned my true identity they might, willingly or unwillingly, gave away my location to those still hunting me. I couldn't take the chance of Oralia's lackeys hearing a rumor of my location across the portal in Tenebris, so I had learned detachment was safer, even as part of me yearned for connection. I moved amongst them but was never one of them.Though my heart didn't beat, my eyes saw far more than most. They had to to keep my head on my shoulders for another millennia.As the bar filled up, I spun bottles and poured shots with ease, keeping up a practiced, easy smile. Laughter and life pulsed around me, human hearts beating out a rhythm only I could hear and calling to my suppressed instincts. Their scents swirled around me, each unique. I inhaled, picking out subtle notes mixed with their blood's aroma. Since using Dorian's bank, I could enjoy the sensations without worrying about going rogue and blowing my cover, though I often had to make a withdrawal after an exceptionally busy night.They were so fragile, these humans. Their lives so fleeting compared to mine. Though their ambitions and distractions shouldn't have mattered, for some reason, they fascinated me. So, I watched as they flowed around my bar, oblivious to the possible predators in their midst.I also never stopped watching for Oriana's hunters who would never stop searching for me. If Oriana found me, my life would be forfeit. And it was doubtful she would make it quick and painless after my betrayal. So, every night, as humans laughed around me, I stayed alert for subtle signs of danger. I played the part of "Nick" flawlessly while remaining ready to fight or flee. My continued survival depended on it.