In hindsight, I really shouldn't have eaten that hamburger that day, or if I did, I shouldn't have eaten it so quickly. Even if I did eat it that fast, I probably shouldn't have been watching South Park while eating.

It has been proven through experience that laughing out loud while eating is an extremely dangerous act.

By the way, I'm a huge fan of South Park.

Anyway, on that Friday, August 12, 2024, after work, I was leisurely enjoying my favorite South Park, eating a burger and fried chicken. When I saw Kenny die again in yet another strange way, I burst out laughing with joy—and then promptly choked to death on the food in my mouth.

Yeah, I choked fucking to death.

According to the National Safety Council, in 2022, 5,553 people in the U.S. choked to death.

Bidding farewell to this world in such a way, I'm not sure whether to call these 5,553 people the poor devils or the lucky dogs of the year.

Anyway, now I've joined their ranks.

Life is just that capricious—you never know what flavor the next chocolate will be, or how you'll meet your end in the very next moment.

I had thought about many ways to die: maybe I'd get hit by a car while walking down the street; maybe a lunatic playing live-action Fortnite would shoot me in the middle of the street, after all, this is a country built on bullets; or maybe I'd die from overexcitement while in bed with a hot chick. But considering I'm not exactly good with women, that's not very realistic.

But never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd die from choking on food!

What's even more frustrating is that it's definitely not my fault!

"Oh, sorry, sir, there must have been some issue. Please be patient; we'll locate your information soon," said the hellish worker, forcing a smile, but the sweat on his forehead and his twitching pointed ears betrayed his inner panic.

I knew something was off about my death!

After I choked to death, my consciousness was plunged into darkness. When I opened my eyes again, I found myself in an extraordinarily luxurious building, and a sweet-looking demon receptionist with horns on her head led me here.

I have to say, she had a nice ass.

Just as I was reluctantly pulling my gaze away, another male receptionist asked, "Sir, please place your palm on the scanner. It will assess all your actions in life and determine your reincarnation level in next life."

"Reincarnation level in next life?" I asked curiously.

"Yes, the scanner will verify your identity and retrieve all your actions in life. Based on the good and bad deeds you've done, it will give you a score, which will decide your next life. Here are the detailed scoring criteria and reincarnation levels," the staff explained patiently, handing me a piece of paper.

"That's super cool." I never expected Hell to be so advanced.

I took the paper and started reading, but it was filled with various terms and complex calculations.

Alright, this isn't very friendly for a math idiot.

Is Hell and the insurance company run by the same people?

"Did an actuary from an insurance company make this form?" I asked, looking up.

"How do you know...oh, no, I can't comment on that," the pointed-eared demon initially asked instinctively, then suspiciously shut up.

"Typical capitalist behavior!" I muttered, rolling my eyes. "Can you explain the reincarnation levels in simple terms?"

"Of course, esteemed customer," the pointed-eared demon replied in a pleasant and professional tone.

"The reincarnation system primarily evaluates the good and bad deeds you did in this life. Your final score will determine the kind of family you will be born into in your next life. Do you want to live in a wealthy family and become a playboy? Do you dream of a life of luxury, surrounded by beautiful women every day? We can make all of this happen for you,"The pointed ears was talking non-stop, making me feel like I had just fallen into a pyramid scheme. "The system has a standard version and a Pro version. The standard version is available to all users, while the Pro version is only for a select group of VIP clients. With the Pro version, your bad deeds can receive a 30% reduction, and your good deeds can get a 20% bonus. And if you subscribe our..."

I was dumbfounded as I listened to the pointed-eared demon extolling the virtues of the Pro version. Today's experience had already shattered my perception, but the fact that reincarnation had standard and Pro versions was too much!

"Hey buddy," I interrupted the demon's enthusiastic pitch. "Your System is awesome but I don't have money for your Pro service. Just tell me where I'm going to be reincarnated."

Yeah, I knew their game well.

Plus, Pro, max, ultra, VIP, SVIP, SSVIP...

Fucking Internet age, always coming up with bizarre ways to dig money out of your pocket.

I'd had enough of their ridiculous schemes. I was tired of the endless subscriptions and memberships of the so-called internet era.

Aztec Civilization: Destiny to Conquer America!

In the year 1469, the Aztec Empire in Central America was at its zenith. A soul from the future transgressed time to come here, intent on saving the fate of the Indian people from destruction and establishing an empire in Central America! The Age of Exploration had just begun its prologue, with European colonizers venturing into the unknown world. Europeans were on the rise, intent on conquering the rich lands of America and colonizing the vast New World. They were poised to embark on an expansion that would take them from America, to Africa, to India, to the Far East, and control the world for the next five hundred years! But now, an immortal spirit sought to change all of that. He would unite Central America under one rule, inherit the two-thousand-year legacy of American civilization, and resist the invasion of Western colonizers. He would spend centuries leading Aztec civilization onto the path of destiny to conquer America! Without the land and wealth of America, what would become of the Westerners? And in which direction would the world turn?

Swinging the sword to cut through the clouds and dreams · História

Classificações insuficientes

270 Chs

Help!: I Think My System Is Trying To Kill Me!

Author-san here! Well, I know you're all here for some adventure, so don't worry. I've got you covered! (^0^) This is my original work, and I know you all will like it. So shamelessly lean back into your seats and read away! Of course, don't forget to check out my other books: •I'm The King Of Technology. •Host, Please Be Honest! What Exactly Are You? •And finally: 'In A Cultivation World With An Entertainment Park.' You can also visit my website for more books: https://LumydeeNovels.Gumroad.com/ Well, that's enough of that. So back to the synopsis! ...... What to do? Ji Feng suddenly found himself in the body of a youngster named Wolfram Lockhart, the son of the deceased village head. Okay. So he transmigrated. That, he could live it. But please... Can anyone tell him why he transmigrated with such a crazy system by his side? [Host, it looks like your uncle is heading your way. Hahahhahaha~... Host, you're about to get butchered. This is fun to watch!] '_' [Host, host, where are you going? So what if you're as weak as a chicken? Come on, dive into the battle. What's the worst that can happen?] '_' [Wait! Host, where are you doing? The battlefield is that way! Host! Host! Host!.. Dammit! What a waste of heavenly popcorn!] (:T^T:) .... One boy, one unbelievable system. Ji Feng... No!... Wolfram Lockhart... now found himself in the strange world of Grandia, starting from the weakest level ever... A mortal! In this world of palladium, Sky ranking abilities, and Creatures of myths and legends, Wolfram only had one domain from it all. With his head to the heavens and his little man out of his pants, he was quick to spray his fluid while raining uncountable curses at them. Why? Why in God's name did they send him a Suicidal system?

lumydee · História

4.9

212 Chs

The Sage of Einar

Max, a Mexican military man, loses everything in a mission that goes wrong so he ends up reviving in the year 830 at the beginning of the Viking Age, as the son of a Jarl in exile named Einar. Einar can overcome the challenge of surviving a hostile world where only the strongest can live. It is up to you to find out.

KENTARO12100 · História

4.2

513 Chs

Amurwa Bhumi

Amurwa Bhumi, a loyal assistant at Kusuma's family, suddenly has the ability to see the unseen things that will happen to him. He loves his boss's wife whom he met when Mr. Kusuma's family vacationed to hunt in the forest. Amurwa Bhumi saw Padmasari who had just got out of her car and was stunned to see the beauty of the boss's wife which he had seen for the first time. When the short skirt worn by Padmasari was revealed, Amurwa Bhumi saw a light between Padmasari's thighs which fascinated Amurwa Bhumi. For days he was pensive thinking about the light until on the seventh day, his teacher told him that the light was the light that came from Padmasari's genital. Whoever can have a woman with a genital that emits light, then her offspring will become rulers of a land that no one but fate can defeat. What will Amurwa Bhumi do and what will happen to Amurwa Bhumi's love for Padmasari? Follow the rest of the story only on Web Novels.

Basiyem · História

Classificações insuficientes

242 Chs

Reincarnated as a High Ranking Nazi

Sakuya Toia was your average shut in Isekai protagonist. He spent all day locked in his room playing games and watching anime. The only time he ever left his room was to go to the library. One day Sakuya was walking home from the library after checking out a book about Heinrich Himmler, a high ranking Nazi. He was so caught up in the book, that he read it while walking home. Completely invested in the book, he walked into the middle of traffic while reading, and then died. His story didn’t end there though! He was reincarnated back in 1900 Germany! He didn’t just reincarnated as anyone though, he was Heinrich Himmler. His new life awaits him as he many tough decisions to make, to ultimately try and prevent the Holocaust!

Domiez · História

4.3

13 Chs

FORTUNE FAVOUR THE BOLD

The principal character in the book, "Fortune favors the bold", is a polygamous, heartless African man, although socially respected and perceived as cursed as a result of an unexpected bad turn on events. The protagonist, Asweda, faces severe physical injuries while looking for a mid-wife to assist his wife to deliver. He becomes an embarrassment to society when his wife gives birth to a male child who turns out to be a product of infidelity. He struggles to cover up the shame and, in the process, breaks the laid down society norms, an act which angered the ancestors, marking the onset and manifestation of a curse in his life. His family is very affected by drought, hunger and famine. He struggles to sire a male child. Asweda, being a romantic man, marries up to four wives, one of whom comes out to be a night runner and a magician. On a migration mission, Asweda losses all his wealth to thieves, his gardener is killed, and his child becomes critically sick. He heartlessly butchered one of the thieves on a defense mission. Asweda makes a hard decision to bury his gardener in a strange foreign bush land and later haunts him and demands to be buried in ancestral land. Asweda ignores the cleansing ceremony which comes along with serious consequences. The now poor African man plots rustling exercise in an attempt to gain wealth, killing an 'Oromo' man, in the process running away with a large, s number of cattle. The Oromo men attacked him on a revenge mission, chopping off his leg and throwing him in a cave where he spent quite some time eating rats for survival. The African polygamous man later reunites with the family only to find all his wives already inherited. He struggled to own back his wives. Asweda sires a son at his old age. Twelve years later, he blesses his son Obulala and then dies partially satisfied. His brother Ocholi also dies mysteriously. Betrayal, cunningness wealth and poverty manifest in Asweda's lineage.

Daniel Osaye · História

4.7

49 Chs

The Son Of Ragnar

One must see through the deceit of one's very own truth. Do you believe in the Old Gods? This story follows the life of a young African boy, who was ripped from the life he had known and thrown into an unforgiving one where a single mistake could cost him everything. Being branded a "thrall", he was to be sold but an unforeseen event swept him ashore in the heart of the Norsemen, the Vikings. What fate has the Gods chosen for this child? is it one of salvation or one of destruction? COVER IS OWNED BY ME!

Kelvin_A · História

4.7

518 Chs

The Bringer of Light

He kneeled on the snow. The burning cold was reddening both his toes and fingers, but it didn't compare to the anger he was feeling at the moment. Such anger could be noticed in his expression, which even seemed animalistic, as well as in the tears streaming down his face. ----- When he opened his eyes, all he could see was an old, wooden ceiling. After staring at it for a while, he turned his head. "Oh! I'm glad you're awake!" ----- "I swear! I'm coming back alive!" ----- On August 17th 1788, Austria, a new boy is born, this boy would bring a huge change with him. The novel "The Bringer of Light" will revolve around quarrels of powerful noble families, political matters, strategic discussions, the real human condition where good and bad people don't truly exist, and much more. That boy is a prodigy child, having deep insight ever since his birth. One day, something terrible happens to him, which makes him have the goal of bringing light to this world. The main point of this book is following him on his journey to fulfill that task. He goes through a lot of internal struggles such as: Is it really possible to achieve such a thing? Is what I'm trying to do even the right choice?

Bolt_1 · História

4.5

483 Chs