21. Auld Lang Syne.

As the freezing winter air nipped at my face, I paid no mind as my gaze remained fixed high up in the sky. Against the inky blackness of the night, our colorful fireworks shot up, creating a spectacular display. Some might argue that it was a bit excessive, as a huge golden "S" letter formed in the night sky for all nearby to see.

I had no idea how far it would be visible, but me being the American sweetheart enjoying fireworks with her pack, there were plenty of press representatives present, along with the crowd enjoying the fireworks. Our magnificent display would surely be featured extensively in the media in the upcoming weeks, not to mention the anticipation for our upcoming wedding.

Speaking of weddings, the preparations for Damon's and the other Salvatores' tunings were steadily progressing. Wulfe, unfortunately, was still absent, but we would meet him at the wedding a few days from now, on the second day of this year.

It marked the beginning of my new life, and I hoped that it would bring happiness, although I couldn't fully trust it. I knew Damon loved me, that much was certain, but Mariella always lingered in our presence. I had discussed this with various pack members over the 12 days of Christmas, and I couldn't shake the feeling that my life could suddenly take a 180-degree turn, granting me the happiness we all yearn for.

I started to reel in my mind the last 7 days or what it had been since Christmas. During all this, I found solace in the bead room, where I spent a considerable amount of time knitting. The Salvatores had requested handmade sweaters, not machine-knitted ones, so I diligently worked on them.

It became somewhat of my hideout, a place where I could escape. It was during one of these knitting sessions that Charles walked in. He noticed my knitting basket, filled with various sweaters in progress, including one I was currently working on.

The base color was black, with accents of golden, violet, and blood red. The blood-red drops were shaped to resemble drops of blood, starting from the neck and cascading downward, creating a whimsical touch. At that moment, I wasn't sure if Damon would appreciate it.

Charles took a seat across from me and remarked, "Oh, you're knitting sweaters. Quite a few, I see. It's evident that if we wanted machine-knitted ones, we could easily get those. But hand-knitted ones, with your scent, those are the best. What's troubling you? As you know, I can sense it. Come on, honey, tell me."

I let out a sigh and expressed, "There isn't much else on my mind besides my relationship with Damon. I mean, sure, we had a lot of fun during Christmas, but when it comes down to it, our interactions have mostly revolved around wild sex all around the house. I'm just unsure if I can trust his desire to be with me after the wedding or if it's all just a ploy."

As I sighed, I placed my knitting on my lap and gazed into Charles' beautiful dark chocolate brown eyes. His tan skin was flawless, showing hints of his Native American heritage without being overpowering. Bran's blondness had diluted his skin tone, but I was grateful that his hair was a stunning shade of inky black, shiny and straight, tied neatly at the nape of his neck with a leather strap.

I confided in Charles, speaking softly about my internal doubts, as I would have with Wulfe if he were here. Unfortunately, he wasn't able to, as he was part of whatever vampire wedding plans Damon had in mind.

"Damon was wonderful, truly," I shared with Charles. "But how can I trust him? He's still unpredictable. He has made progress, but in my eyes, he's still weather wane in my eyes. He has repeatedly expressed his desire to get to know me better, but I can't help but hope that it's not all just a scheme to get me to marry him. I worry that once the wedding is over, he'll go back to Mariella during the heat." 

Charles reassured me, saying, "Honey, you can trust Damon. Just look at him. He exudes confidence. If he feels he has earned your complete trust, then he is worthy of it. We all understand how difficult it is for you to trust, and once you do, that trust must be protected. We all know this, especially Damon. If you can show him you trust him and allow him to take care of you, to guide you, without any issues, things will work out. Trust me, after the upcoming breeding season and the bond that forms between you two, you'll see a whole new level of connection. The wedding will undoubtedly be amazing, but I truly believe that Damon has genuine feelings for you, deep down."

I let out a sigh and spoke, "But Mariella, what chance do we really have? It seems like Mariella will always be the one he desires. I constantly feel like I'm in second place, a mere substitute. I'm merely seen as his sex beast, not a wife, not even if we were to get married. I don't feel worthy of being a wife, especially when compared to Mariella. So, I can't really blame him, but it still hurts."

Charles grumbled, meeting my gaze, and said, "What about me and Adam? You can be with both of us all the time. You don't have to choose. Can't you believe that Damon could do the same? That he wouldn't have to choose between you and Mariella. That he could be with both of you?"

I looked at Charles and uttered, "Sometimes, I wish you could believe me when I catch glimpses of who he used to be. There's this part of him, this side, which is in number four, that feels so incredibly real. I don't want to give him, that side of him up to Mariella, but sometimes I feel like I have no choice. It's not my decision, it's his."

I glanced at Charles, who nodded, showing no signs of jealousy. Charles's confidence in our relationship stemmed from our unbreakable bond, knowing that we would always have each other. I knew I was being neurotic once again, but I couldn't help it.

My voice grew quiet as I continued, "Or I remember certain moments between us. It could be something as simple as me baking alone, thinking I was all by myself in the house. Then Damon would walk in, holding a massive bouquet of roses just for fun, having bought them himself. He would go on about how many vases I had when I picked them out. And then, as I went back to bake the buns, he would insist on taking over and baking them all himself, not even letting me have a taste."

My tone turned wistful as I reminisced about a time when my life was much simpler. Of course, I can now see the possible motives behind his seemingly spontaneous actions, but it doesn't diminish the value of those moments.

Charles held my hands, and I confided in him, "We used to have a relationship that's hard to describe. But Damon has become harsher, crueler, colder, and more distant lately. I see how he and Mariella have that kind of relationship now. They are completely devoted to each other. There's nothing I can do about it anymore."

I swallowed, feeling a sense of safety in Charles's presence. I hoped that our connection would be wonderful and that I could spend time with Charles, Adam, the boys, maybe even Wulfe and Magnum. I didn't even dare to consider if Damon would want me.

My thoughts continued to pour out. "After the wedding, I know that he has weakened me in so many ways. Our bond, which will be strengthened during the vampire wedding, will probably give him access to my vampire powers. And as he delves into my memories, he takes all the power from them he finds. I'm well aware that I'm a power source for the pack. I just have to adjust. But right now, I can't bring myself to tolerate the procedures. I need to save my strength for other things. I haven't even told him about the medical issues I'm facing again. I know they did a lot of work on my mind, but being a neurotic mess, sometimes my neuroses don't just disappear,"

Charles comfortingly stroked me and said, "I can help. You don't have to be brave all the time. It's about trust. I'll help you become a little less of a neurotic mess and let's see if I can help you get some sleep at night so you can rest."

I laughed and replied, "It's mostly about my attitude. Yes, I trust you, but I wouldn't let you put a needle in me right now. And Damon is extremely jealous at the moment. If he saw you near my bedroom, he would definitely order you to take care of the wolves or something. I can handle it."

Charles chuckled and reassured me, "Don't worry, honey, I won't be putting a needle in you. And yes, he's very possessive of you. But let's see what happens after the weddings and during our heat. Maybe I can get through to him then."

I let out a sigh and expressed, "I'm not sure if I'm truly scared of the upcoming breeding season. However, there are complications once again. Maybe I don't want to be solely responsible for producing puppies. Even though we have many males, will he allow them to assist me in caring for our cubs? I know he will be with Mariella. That's just how it is. But what about me? Can I have you or my five? Will Mariella be demanding and insist on having everyone I want to help tend to her cubs, just so she can have her way? Or will I be the one causing problems? If my alpha side decides to assert itself and take charge of the nest and everything. I know myself well enough to understand that this behavior stems from feeling alone. I have to take care of myself and my cubs. Will it turn into a war?"

Charles chuckled and replied, "You know, once Damon had the females breeding for six months, and everyone enjoyed it. Even though they gave birth once a week, the cubs were quite small when they went into the magic house. It was a fulfilling time, and I believe you'll enjoy it too. As for who gets to tend to whom, you can be certain that I won't be worshiping Princess. If Damon wants her to be worshipped, let the Salvatores be the ones doing the worshiping. I know Wulfe, and he won't leave you to fend for yourself alone."

I nodded and admitted, "It's a fact that Damon is the pack leader, and he can easily order Wulfe to care for Mariella. That's just how pack life works. I can't trust anyone but myself. These are the realities of my life."

Charles advised, "Take some time to think about what I've said. Really consider it, and you'll come to a conclusion. Sometimes, it's necessary to take a leap into the unknown."

With that, he walked away, leaving me to ponder and accept the future because I had no power to change it. I sat in my chair a little longer before the number two came to fetch me for food.

He said, "Come on, baby, our future queen. Let's go eat. You need to be in good shape for breeding after the heat as well."

I laughed bitterly and replied, "It depends if there's a heat. If number one actually wants to breed, considering he's had it all from me. After the wedding, I mean, I can feel my heat forming, but I have no idea what kind it is. And I'm afraid that when the time comes, he won't really care. All he'll see is Mariella."

The two looked at me and reassured, "You'll learn that Damon loves you. It may be hard to believe, but you know I love you, too. Remember how I used to tease you and mess with your chakras? Look at us now. We have a bond, a relationship. We all still love you and Mariella differently, but that doesn't mean we don't love you just as much in our own way. Mariella is not our baby. She is number one's darling. Do you know how easily she could pack her things, take number one, and leave the rest of us nine behind? I once picked up that thought from her mind, and it's true. That's the essence of her feelings for us."

I looked at him for a moment, sensing his pain.

I sent my love to him and said, "The entire pack, from Charles downwards, keeps telling me to trust Damon, that he loves me. But now I have no choice. He will weaken me in so many ways. This whole vampire wedding and the new bond he's been hinting at is not a good thing, but I feel powerless in the face of it. I'm scared that if I surrender, accept, and hope that everything will be okay, I'll end up hurting myself again. Mariella is the one for him, and there's nothing I can do about that. Damn, I'm such a neurotic mess. And don't even get me started on the possible problems that could arise during or after the heat."

Number two nodded, glanced at my collection of sweaters, and chose a dark blue one with black and golden strands for himself. When I mentioned the blood drops on number one's sweaters, he wanted them for himself, along with his heart bleeding too. So I took him to one of my tables, showed him how to design knitting patterns, and explained the sizes of each part.

He wanted to design their sweaters and grinned almost manically as he took my notebook and pens, saying, "Come on, baby, let's go eat. Afterward, you can knit more sweaters while I design these."

I gazed at him, a thought crossing my mind. "Damon, does it ever bother you to be called number two? And do any other Salvatores have issues with having numbers as their names?"

He looked back at me and replied, "Well, no. Those are our official names. I am Damon Salvatore the second, not junior, but second. It's somewhat similar to how kings might have numbers after their names. We have them too, and it's easier to say 'number two' than 'Damon the second.' Oh, Mariella wanted us to have real names in the past, but we didn't want that. I am not Daemon, or Dave, or Dale. I am Damon, or number two, so there are no problems there."

I nodded as he took my hand, guiding me towards the kitchen.

Lost in my thoughts, I was brought back to reality when Damon wrapped his arm around me and we continued to watch the fireworks.

He spoke softly, "You see, baby, soon it will be time for vampire weddings. Let me share a few facts with you. Firstly, these weddings will span several days, and we will travel separately. Men will have their own transport, and women will have theirs. You will see other females there, and this time it's in Transylvania, not the same castle, but nearby. Some dryads will be there to take care of you, so I won't say more. As for our wedding, it will be held in a German castle, your newest one. And it will be ours soon enough. Now, as for breeding, I was thinking about Vermont. There are guest houses and a main house, providing plenty of space for cubs and babies, too."

His voice remained calm, but he held me tightly. I kept my doubts to myself, not wanting to ruin this moment.

The cold air nipped at my face, and despite my thick gloves, I could feel that my fingers were almost frozen. I tried flexing them to improve blood circulation, but it was bitterly cold outside. It must have been at least -20 degrees Celsius, although I hadn't checked the temperature.

Nevertheless, the fireworks display was magnificent, and we had lost our tails the day before. It felt strange without my tail, but perhaps we would get it back one day.

Alternatively, it might be time to consider getting extra sets of ears. I was just thinking about the wonderful selection of ears I could give to Salvatores. Hounds had those long floppy ears, or maybe poodle ears, or even German Shepherd ears that flicked in every direction.

On the other hand, I remembered one of my dogs, a mixed breed mutt with orange and white fur. She had pricked ears, but she liked to keep them pressed to her head most of the time, instead of standing upright. How wonderful would it be to give Damon ears so that he could press down whenever he was happy? Perfect.

Damon grunted beside me and said, "These are fun ideas, baby. Really fun. I'm not sure what kind of ears we would give you, but we'll figure it out when we have the chance to play with ears. Maybe we can include tails as well, adding one body part each round to make it a real challenge."

He paused for a moment before continuing, "But for now, my love, I think you're pretty frozen. Let's go inside and get ready for tomorrow. What do you say?"

I nodded, turning around and walking back inside so the press could capture a little more footage. Teleporting inside wouldn't have made for much of a scene.

My life was on the verge of changing, but the question was whether I would be brave enough to take that leap. Perhaps a better question was whether I had any other choice.