69

068b - Wrapping things up (2 of 4)

I walk back into our wing of the Temple, noting with some relief that the interior seems to be pretty much undisturbed by the mess outside. In other circumstances I might've made a comment about the bizarre difference, but I don't really feel up to wasting breath.

As I walk past the kitchen, I catch Sakura leaning her back on the counter, an anxious and guilty look on her face that pretty much gives her away as Haku's accomplice in her little spot of attempted suicide. I think about walking up to her to give her a piece of my mind, but…

… Later.

I'm too exhausted to be rational and the situation is a bit more complex than 'she did bad and should feel bad', so I just shake my head at her and walk past. Sleeping first, then I'll see how the world looks when it doesn't feel like its weight is trying to crush me.

Damn, but I don't think I've been this tired in my life. Both my lifes. I just want to get back to the bedroom and collapse into the huge, soft bed to sleep the exhaustion off. Maybe invite Medea to join me and… Of course, right as I'm thinking that, I'm hit by a sudden and intense feeling of foreboding.

"Master?" Medea asks worriedly when I freeze mid-step.

"I'm fine, Princess." I wave her worries away, a small frown on my face as I try to figure out what that was about. "I just… Got a weird feeling, like a sudden intuition of impending doom."

"If it helps…" She adds hesitantly when I fail to keep walking towards the bed. "The Emiya Residence wards just picked up Taiga-chan entering the premises."

"Yeah, that would do it." I answer with a sigh. By this point of the week, Fuji would probably be going through some serious mooch off withdrawal. Add to it that we weren't at school and within easy reach for her to whine at… Oh, dear, this is not good. "I… I better deal with this before something catastrophic happens."

Giving a mournful glance to the dormroom, I walk into the living room to grab the phone instead. Now that I think about it… how come there's a landline at all in this wing of the temple? I know for a fact there's only supposed to be one phone and that's supposed to be at the Head Monk's office.

A quick look at Medea's smug smile tells me all I need to know. I really lucked out with my Servant, didn't I?

"Emiya Residence." Fuji-nee's voice can be heard after the second ring has barely started. Not a good sign. "Fujimura speaking."

"Fuji-nee?" I ask with some resignation. "What are you doing there?"

"We-well…" Yeah, not a good sign at all. "I had a bad feeling and came to check things out."

"In the middle of the morning?" I cut her off, rubbing a palm over my face. "While you're supposed to be working?"

"It was a very bad feeling!" She whines. This woman… Did she notice something amiss all the way from school? That's some scary instincts right there. "And hey! I was right! Those bastards screwed up!"

"What bastards?"

"The pest control people! That expensive vase you had beside the phone?" What expensive vase? What's she even talking about? "They totally dropped it. And couldn't be arsed to even pick up the pieces afterwards. They were still on the floor when I arrived. Yeah. It was already like this."

"..." I still have no idea what's going on, except that she sucks at lying.

"... Brat?" She asks, sounding worried. "Dear, understanding, respectful, dutiful and polite younger brother who just so happens to be my favorite sibling?"

Wait… "The blue one with small flower drawings?"

"Yes! I'm very sorry!" She trips over herself to answer, I can almost picture her leaning on the counter as if I was actually there and she was trying to get into my personal space. "That those dumb guys broke it, I mean. It was obviously already like that when I arrived, so I couldn't mean anything else!"

I got that ugly thing years ago at a dime store because… I can't even remember. Something dumb and Kiritsugu-related. So doubly dumb. It cost me less than a hundred yen and the lady from the story gave me a piece of candy for free. I was adorable as a kid.

"But don't worry!" She keeps talking, still in a panic. "I'll ask gramps to have a talk with them and I'm sure they'll be happy to give you compensation to avoid losing their legs— I mean! They'll be very sorry and contrite and will take responsibility!"

She continues talking, going on and on about how much that wasn't her fault and maybe something about dreaming that she had a rainbow-colored afro or something. I had stopped paying attention. Heavens know I love this woman like the adorable but not very smart little sister you need to make sure doesn't wander into the traffic I never had but… This really isn't the best time to be on the receiving end of her shenanigans.

With some resignation and an overwhelming wish to find myself under my bed covers, I prepare myself to give some… concessions.

"Fuji-nee."

"Y-yes?"

"We'll be moving back home this evening." I let her know. "There'll be a celebratory party and everything."

"Great! I'll bring the sake!" She cheers, before cutting herself off in realization. "I mean, the drinks! You're a thousand years too young to drink, after all!"

"Only a couple of them." Or four or five, who's counting? I've been an adult before and, as a magus, I casually break the laws of reality every other day, I'll respect drinking age exactly as much as I care to. Which is nothing. "And there'll be adults around for you to drink with, if you want to bring sake."

"Ohoo~? Has my cute little brother seduced an older woman while his big sister wasn't looking?"

"Maybe I did. But that only would only mean those potentially seduced older women are winning at the game of life." I reply snidely. "They'd be at the very least ahead of a certain eternally unengaged English teacher I could name."

"Urk." She complains piteously at the critical damage I just dealt. "Wait, 'women'?"

"I shouldn't have said that. See you this evening, Fuji-nee."

Then I bravely hang up before she can reply. I let out a groan that's pure misery and lean my head back to hit the wall with.

"Shit… I could've handled that way better, didn't I?"

"You're dead on your feet, Master. It can be excused." Medea points out kindly, an amused gleam in her eye letting me know she'll be saving this tale for a special occasion. "We'll deal with any hiccups as they become a problem."

I try not to think about potential blackmail lying in wait in my future as I finally get to my bedroom and collapse on my bed. I'm out like a light, and too exhausted for my mind to conjure strange dreams about becoming Medea's mere puppet while she pulls my strings. I really lucked out with my Servant, but there are always downsides to everything.

I wake up what feels like the next morning but cannot have been more than a couple of hours, in much better shape and feeling a strange weight over my chest. When I open my eyes, it's to find a pair of cat-like blue eyes staring straight into my soul.

"Jackie." I greet the owner of the eyes with a lazy, half-asleep smile. "Good morning."

Jackie's facial expression doesn't really change, but that's fine. It's incredible what a mere couple hours of sleep can do to improve one's mood and disposition. I feel like there's nothing that can bring me down now and… And then she speaks out.

"Mama said Papa almost died." Her stoic expression remains the same, her voice maintaining a perfectly neutral tone, but the accusation sinks through my chest like a wooden stake.

Well, there goes my good cheer. "Yeah, that was Papa's blunder."

"Papa isn't allowed to die!" She chastises me with an adorable pout. Sorry, I mean a frown. A mighty frown. That just so happens to be adorable. "Only us can gut Papa!"

"Sorry, sorry. Papa didn't do it on purpose. Can you forgive me?"

Instead of answering, she lets herself collapse on my chest. Hard enough to steal my breath, but not so much it'll actually cause harm. I don't believe for a second the amount of force used was accidental or in any way unintentional.

But she says nothing, so I say nothing as she wiggles in place, presumably searching for the most comfortable position. Which involves staring at a wall and looking well away from my face, apparently.

"We want headpats." She finally announces petulantly.

"Sure." I relent easily, promptly proceeding to fulfill her demands.

"And cuddles." She continues after a bit.

"Of course." I'm not using both arms to pat her head, so I proceed to wrap the free one around her.

"And treats." She's starting to sound more appeased, but she still continues piling up demands.

"Consider it done." I, of course, continue relenting. That one will have to wait until I can actually get off the bed, but it shouldn't be a problem.

"And we want to join when Mama and Papa have sex."

"Denied."

"Muuu–!"

She pulls herself up to pout, sorry, to glare at me, but I don't relent this time. After a whole minute of intense stare off she finally looks away with a huff and astralizes. I have no idea whether she's left or just decided to invisibly stalk me, but there really isn't any way for me to know, so I don't pay it any mind.

Getting up, I check my mental list of the things I still need to go through.

I have survived, I've thanked Medea -note to self, make sure to 'thank' her a lot more tonight- I've talked with our recently adopted Demon Pillar, I've collapsed in bed for a couple hours, next is… Right.

I let out a long sigh, feeling my recently regained energy deserting me. Next is a certain a couple of little sisters I need to have stern words with. One of them isn't technically my little sister, but she's still a little sister, and mine by every other reasonable metric you care to use. And some of the unreasonable ones too.

I swear, why did I think it was a good idea to purposefully become the target of affection for confirmed yanderes? Oh, yeah, the unflinching loyalty and the amazing sex. Granted, the affection of people so devoted they would give their lives for you in a heartbeat was easier to enjoy when the chance of them actually giving their lives for you was a mere theoretical assumption.

I really should've seen this coming.

Logical and perfectly predictable consequences, my one weakness.

I enter the second bedroom to find Sakura sitting beside an asleep Haku and two Servant's astralized presence hovering close to them. Sakura turns to look at me, but doesn't really say anything. At a first glance, she's the textbook picture of resignation and contriteness. Then again, anyone who knows her half as well as I do will notice the steely glint of conviction in her eyes.

She did what she thought best, she's not sorry for doing it and whatever opinions the rest of the world have about it can go hang, mine included. Exactly what I expected to find, exactly what I had hoped not to. There's no reasoning with her about this.

We both already know how this'll go. I'll punish her for helping Haku commit suicide with extra steps, then I'll thank her for saving my life, then we'll all cuddle together to sleep. Then, next time a situation like this one arises, the two of them will do the exact same thing and prove they haven't learned anything from the experience.

… Which I guess means it falls on me to never let a situation like this arise again.

Actually, I know how this'll go. Sakura is probably still worried I might scorn her for her role in this. I'd feel offended at the lack of trust, but she's had a hard life.

"I thought I'd find you here." I break the silence without hinting at what's going through my mind.

"I couldn't leave her alone."

"That's a big thing you two pulled off. Defeating the King of Heroes is hardly an easy feat." I continue with a hum. "Even if I'm utterly livid about the risks involved, I'll at least acknowledge that much."

"I barely did anything." She says softly, shaking her head in a way that makes it clear she's not making excuses. She's not even aware that what she's saying could be interpreted as making excuses. "Haku-senpai was the one who took all the risks."

Yes… this is going absolutely nowhere. Let's try something else. "Can you give us a moment?"

I hate the way Sakura flinches at my request but, short of resurrecting Zouken to kill him again, there's little I can do about it. "I'll be in the living room with Rider."

With those words, she gets up and tries to leave the room. "Hey." Tries, because I reach out with an arm to stop her. "I might be mad about this whole situation, but I still love you, okay?" I give her a one-armed hug, taking the chance to plant a kiss on her cheek. "Don't ever let yourself believe otherwise."

There's a very nice (sway in her hips) spring in her steps when she resumes her walk.

"Hate to see her leave, but love to watch her go." Someone says in a knowing tone while I'm… temporarily distracted. "Right, Nii-san?"