Bridget Insecurities

Bridget Pov

My head has continued to pound since the revelation that Ginny would be spending the entire weekend with Kai. I couldn't help how I was feeling, I tried everything to take my mind off it, but ever since we parted ways in the common room I couldn't stop thinking.

I felt like Ginny was stealing my place next to Kai, she was more determined than me, they had already taken the step I had been trying for so long.

The feeling of inferiority that was growing in my chest was too much for me to think clearly.

The next thing I knew I was outside my room, my feet were taking me to the boys' dorm, they were taking me to Kai's room.

I knew I shouldn't be doing this, but it was all eating me up inside.

I stood in front of his door imagining what the two of them were doing and that made a feeling of guilt arise inside me, but the envy and insecurity that made my body tremble led me to do precisely what I didn't want to do.

I knocked on Kai's door knowing that it was the only external sound capable of reaching the room due to the isolation runes that Kai had placed.

As soon as I did it I felt like running away, but my legs wouldn't let me. I knew I was interrupting them, they were in the middle of their moment, but here I was forcing my presence on them.

My guilt only increased from that moment on, Kai was taking a while to open the door, which confirmed my conjectures that they were in the middle of something.

I took several deep breaths trying to calm down, but it was useless. I just wanted to hide at this moment. I wanted to pretend this never happened, but something told me that Kai already knew I was here. Running away now would only make him think less of me.

Maybe he thought something happened and when I explained myself he would get mad at me.

My heart almost stopped thinking about it.

I didn't want to disappoint him, but here I was doing just that.

My face started to feel hot with embarrassment.

My head started spinning and I felt like I would soon be too dizzy to stand up.

The psychological pressure that was on me was gaining more strength with each passing second.

When the door finally opened I saw Kai wearing only a pair of shorts as he blocked the view of the room, but the sound of heavy breathing coming from inside was enough for me to definitively confirm, I was intruding at the wrong time.

I lowered my head, unable to look him in the eye.

I had been so bold when he asked Ginny to be his girlfriend, I thought I would be able to handle it easier. But now I was sure that moment was just my insecurities showing, I was bold just to mark my territory. In the end she took a step forward before me, even with what we have been doing since Christmas I was still behind her.

Kai gave me a confused look, he didn't know why I came here.

I couldn't blame him for anything.

He never offered exclusivity, I knew what I was getting into.

For a moment I thought I should have never come back after abandoning him, I was just causing trouble.

He trusted me, he gave me so many things, but in the end I couldn't pay him back.

Kai was a Dual Cultivator, the way he gets stronger is through sex, but I couldn't take that step with him.

I was only able to provide the imitation of the real thing. It was as if I could only provide low-quality resources for him to cultivate.

When I looked at Kai again, his curious look seemed worried.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me into the room and closed the door quickly.

Inside the room I could see Ginny on the bed covered in a sheet still recovering from what they had done.

"Did something happen Bri?" – Kai asked with concern in his voice.

Hearing him like that just made me feel even more guilty.

I gathered all the courage I had to speak. I knew that lying now wasn't the way to go, Kai knew very well when I wasn't being sincere.

"Sorry." – was all I could squeeze out of my throat.

Kai came to me, hugged me and put one of his hands on my cheek.

"Tell me what's going on." – he asked in an understanding tone.

I chewed my lips until I could speak.

"I... I swear I tried, but there's something inside me that made me come here even though I knew what you were supposed to be doing. I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't do this, but what I'm feeling made me act without thinking. I don't even know how to define what I'm feeling... I just know that I didn't want to be left behind. This is so frustrating to appear in front of you like this, it's not like I don't know what you guys would be doing. I… I was… jealous." – I said, trying to make sense of what was inside me, but in the end I could only admit my mistakes accompanied by crying.

Kai gave a small defeated smile and guided me to sit on the bed.

When we sat down I saw that Ginny had her eyes closed, I could only hear her breathing, she hadn't said anything until then because she couldn't speak at that moment and it wasn't because Kai had been too hard on her.

"Ginny…" – I started to ask, but Kai interrupted me.

"I am passing the Universal Yin-Yang Array to her now." – he said in a calm tone.

My head started to spin. They had already slept together and the situation was different from what it was with Gemma, but he still hadn't passed the Matrix to her the first time. But he had passed it to Millicent their first time. That didn't make much sense in my mind.

"I know you might be confused right now, but let's wait for her to wake up so we can talk about everything." – he said asking for my understanding.

I nodded at him.

I couldn't keep looking at him. I didn't feel worthy of it, but the only place I had to hide was his arms.

I hesitated for a few moments, but my need to be by his side was greater than my shame. Soon I was hugging his torso with my head hidden by his arms.

The comfort that brought me only made my guilt increase even more.

It took Ginny almost twenty minutes to wake up. As soon as she woke up I could notice her breathing changes.

"What did I miss here?" – she asked curiously, but I could hear a hint of irritation in her voice.

I wanted to apologize to her, but the words wouldn't come out of my mouth, I couldn't help but hug Kai even tighter trying to make the current situation just a nightmare of mine.

But deep down I knew very well that I was the one who had caused this.

"Something happened that I predicted would happen, but I must admit that it happened faster than I expected." – commented Kai, trying to be a mediator.

I heard Ginny adjusting herself in bed and could imagine the curious, impatient look she must be giving her right now.

I couldn't even look at her.

"When you have relationships with multiple people, unless they know each other very well, it is difficult to prevent things like this from happening. No matter how much I work behind the scenes to not affect the relationship, at some point someone will feel left out. For some reason, or even without it, you will feel jealous of my relationship with someone else." – Kai explained while patting my back.

He was right, I didn't know why. It was something stronger than my rational, I couldn't argue against the feeling I was feeling.

"Bri is jealous that you're going to spend the whole weekend with me, but no matter how much she tries to convince herself otherwise, she can't." – he added, completely exposing me in front of Ginny.

My face began to burn with shame for needing him to explain the situation I created. It is almost impossible for a greater shame than this to happen today.

I heard Ginny snort.

I felt an icy cold run down my spine.

I didn't want to be that person, but I couldn't help it.

"She has the whole week to spend with you and when I come for the weekend she gets jealous?" – she asked in a mix of irritation and dissatisfaction.

It was really petulant of me to be jealous… but I couldn't help it.

"You can also spend weekdays here with me, it's not like it's forbidden." – Kai said again, correcting.

Ginny looked like she wanted to say something, but only an angry noise came out of her mouth before she was speechless.

"Of course you can't completely move into my room, I think that could cause some problems due to the house system, but nothing prohibits you from visiting me during the week. The weekend is more convenient because we can sleep in later and Bri ended up getting used to doing that." – Kai explained trying to move forward in the situation.

"But why did she have to interrupt us today? She could very well show up in the morning to spend the day with us, does it need to be now?" – asked Ginny impatiently.

I felt Kai caress my hair.

"The jealousy probably comes from the fact that we've already had sex and Bri and I haven't gone that far." – he said trying to sound casual.

Ginny took a sharp breath, I imagine she was shocked to hear that.

"You see, Bri is afraid of having penetrative sex, so far we've only gone as far as oral sex." – said Kai.

I wanted to hide in shame, he was talking more than he should.

At that moment, I gathered all my strength to get out of his arms.

When I sat up straight on the bed, they were both looking at me.

I felt like a fish out of water.

"Sorry Ginny. Sorry Kai. It wasn't because I wanted to interrupt you. I wasn't feeling like myself. Sorry." – I apologized as if it were the last thing I would do in my life.

Ginny changed her attitude as she watched me, she seemed to feel a little sorry for me.

It wasn't something I wanted to happen. I wanted to be strong enough to see my decisions through to the end.

But I wasn't.

"What do you think about us lying down for a bit and talking? We don't need this to become a serious conversation. We need to let it flow and then we can put our differences aside." – Kai suggested in a hopeful tone.

Ginny snorted once more.

"Lie down, both of you, I don't want you to think badly of me." – declared Ginny impatiently.

-----------------

Guys, I come here with a simple request, I would love for you to comment on what you thought of the chapter, review my work and if you think I deserve it, support me.

I'm starting with a patre on, I started this project and posted basically everything I've done so far. Now I have extra caps that you can access through patre on. I hope to increase this number soon. 

patrë on.com/ReiseAbdala