Chapter 15 – I’m a What?

~ At the Same Time ~

The Kame House was a whirlwind of celebration, a cacophony of voices, laughter, chewing of food, and the clinking of glasses. The festive spirit had reached a fever pitch, and all of the inhabitants, save one, remained in blissful ignorance of the impending crisis on the horizon.

Amid the festivities, Goku was wolfing down food like a starved man. There was a complete absence of table manners as he reached for and grabbed anything within arm's reach, his appetite insatiable. Beside him, Gohan is also scarfing down his meal, though at a far more measured pace and significantly more manners.

At the other end of the table, Ajax watched in awe, his jaw hanging slightly ajar. Despite having known Goku for over two years, this was the first time he had truly witnessed a Saiyan eat their fill, and boy, was it awe-inspiring in an utterly disgusting way. He was fairly certain that the pile of fish bones behind the Kame House had reached waist height by this point.

"Look at him go! He has probably eaten twice his body weight by now…" Ajax said, fascinated.

Krillin shook his head in exasperation.

"I know, right? It still surprises me whenever I see it."

Ignoring the comments, Goku bit off a massive chunk of fish and hastily reached for some juice to wash it down. But before he could swallow, Goku abruptly spewed out everything in his mouth, projecting it across the table and directly onto Bulma.

"PFFFF–cough–cough!"

"Ew! Ew! Ew!" Bulma's screech pierced the air, and she shot to her feet, frantically swiping at the remnants of food and juice sticking to her face. "Goku, I'm going to kill you!"

Goku, however, paid no heed to her threats. In a swift motion, he spun around, his normally carefree demeanor replaced by a rare seriousness.

"Holy moly! What is this Ki signature? It's- it's ridiculous!"

"What are you talking ab-!" Krillin began, his voice a mix of confusion and concern before his words tapered off abruptly. He turned his head in the same direction as Goku, his expression morphing into one of shock and fear. Krillin smacked the table and leaped to his feet; his body taut with tension. His voice quivered as he spoke, "Uhm, Goku, is that Piccolo? We might be screwed if it is!"

As Goku and Krillin's reaction rippled through the room, Ajax instantly grasped the gravity of the situation, or rather, who was about to make their debut. All this time, he had been barely able to enjoy the festivities, as the uncertainty of impending doom gnawed on him.

In the split-second following that thought, Ajax sensed it too. This Ki signature was more than imposing; it was downright daunting, far exceeding anyone present, as he'd been expecting. The only distinction was that, unlike Krillin and Goku, he had numerical value to quantify it. Ajax gritted his teeth tightly from his seated position. So, he was right after all.

Bulma, having hastily cleaned her face and shirt of most of the organic waste, was quick to notice the gravity of the situation from the somber expressions worn by everyone in the room. She wisely opted to remain silent, understanding that something distinctly not-good-terribly-bad was happening, and it was certainly not the moment to be a hindrance.

She reached into her pocket and clutched a capsule containing some self-defense tools. Deep down, she knew that whatever she could use wouldn't stand a chance against whoever could induce such shock in Goku, but its presence provided her with some level of comfort.

The group cautiously ventured outside to await the approaching Ki signature. The breeze rustled the leaves of nearby palm trees, but they now carried a sense of foreboding with them. They formed a triangle formation, with Goku taking the lead. Gohan, his tiny form hidden behind Goku's towering legs, clung tightly to his father's Gi and refused to budge, despite Goku's gentle urging.

"Come on, Gohan. It's gonna be okay," Goku whispered, trying to reassure his son. But Gohan, his wide eyes filled with fear, remained resolute in his sheltered spot.

The group's tension peaked as a dark figure materialized in the distance, rapidly closing the gap between them and the shoreline. With a light thud, the mysterious newcomer landed on the beach, sending sand and pebbles flying outwards in small concentric circles.

The figure rose from its slightly crouched landing position and scanned the faces of the ensemble of people before them. Almost immediately, the stranger's eyes snapped onto Goku's face, fixing on him like a hawk targeting its prey. In response, Goku took a step forward, his hand on Gohan's head, shielding him from the stranger's sight.

"Ahh, there's the family resemblance. So, father wasn't being naughty after all. What a shame."

Goku tensed his body. 

"Who are you? Why are you here?"

Raditz let out an annoyed click of his tongue at the question. He locked eyes with Goku, his gaze intense. "As I suspected then, your pod must've malfunctioned. I'm Raditz, your older brother."

"What?!" In unison, the members of the Kame House erupted in shock, their voices filled with disbelief. For the second time in a few hours, the members of the Kame House lost their collective minds at the staggering truth that had just been unveiled.

Goku's eyes held a spark of genuine intrigue at the claim. The concept of having a sibling was entirely new to him. He had never known what it felt like to have a brother, much less an older one. While he had always considered his close friends like Krillin to be his brother, the thought of someone sharing his blood was fascinating to him.

Throughout his life, Goku had occasionally wondered about his origins. He never thought about it too deeply, partly because he was under the loving care of Grandpa Gohan, and partly because he would rather cherish new memories than forgotten ones. Still, a lingering curiosity about his true family had always simmered beneath the surface. And family… family was supposed to be a source of love and support, not enemies, right? He can't imagine his mentors, Master Roshi or Grandpa Gohan, ever intentionally hurting him.

With that in mind, he should give this new brother of his a chance. Look! He had extended his trust to Ajax, and it had worked out pretty well so far. Goku nodded to himself, the chain of logic making perfect sense to him.

Goku's initial tension ebbed away, and a tentative smile brightened his face. He extended a hand despite his lingering wariness, forming it into a fist, and in a spontaneous burst of enthusiasm, reached out for a fist-bump. Behind him, his friends stared at him in disbelief, their startled eyes blown wide with astonishment.

"Are you really? I never knew I had one of those!" Goku managed to convincingly inject some enthusiasm into his voice "And you're so strong too!"

Raditz blinked in response to the sudden compliment, clearly caught off guard. He glanced down at the extended fist with a befuddled expression, as though he couldn't quite comprehend what was happening. As the weakest surviving Saiyan, respect was hard to come by and it felt odd to have it just offered to him like this. He honestly doesn't remember the last time he was greeted in such a manner. The moment of confusion didn't last long, as Raditz reciprocated the fist-bump shortly after with a proud smirk tugging at the corners of his lips.

"That I am!"

At the returned fist bump, Goku's demeanor underwent a remarkable transformation. It was as though a switch had been flipped, and he shed his cautiousness like a snake shedding its skin. His posture relaxed, visibly less tense, and his smile widened, now genuinely warm and welcoming.

The shift in Goku's attitude was, however, quite alarming to Ajax. He couldn't help but sense that the direction of this confrontation had taken a different turn than the canonical events he remembered. Had his actions caused this significant of a butterfly in the timeline already? It shouldn't have, considering that Raditz wasn't on Earth the entire time!

Due to the uncertainty of the events unfolding before him, Ajax consciously chose to lay low and observe for now. While he gets no benefits from having the canon shift this much this early, he also highly doubted that Goku would just accept the Saiyans and the Frieza Force with open arms. He'll guide the canon back on track if need be but for now, he'll continue to watch how this plays out from the sidelines.

"Wait, so your name is Radish? Like the vegetable?" Goku asked, confused.

"No. It's Raditz."

"Raddit?"

"No. It's– sigh forget it." 

"Okay? Well, we're having a party, you want to join in?"

"A… party? With these natives?" Raditz narrowed his eyes, a small hint of suspicion rising in his heart at the question. He had thought these natives were slaves or servants from the way they filed behind Kakarot, but now…

Behind Goku, Krillin's face twitched at those words, a mix of affront and anger flashing in his eyes at the insult hidden in the tone. He took a step forward, eager to speak up, but a firm hand suddenly landed on his shoulder. Krillin glanced at the hand and followed it up to meet Ajax's gaze. Ajax didn't grace Krillin with any words but conveyed his message with a tightening grip and a subtle shake of his head. Reluctantly, Krillin acquiesced to the unspoken request and took a step back.

"No. That's not what I'm here for," Raditz continued, not noticing the unspoken exchange that had just occurred between Ajax and Krillin, "How much do you know about your heritage?"

A look of confusion crossed Goku's face. He couldn't quite grasp the direction of the conversation with its sudden shift. His heritage? What about it?

"What do you mean? I was born and raised on Earth."

"… what the f*ck? You know nothing? That damn pod must've exploded or something!" Raditz bit out, annoyed at the ignorance his brother just demonstrated. "Look Kakarot. Like me, you're a Saiyan, a powerful and honorable race of warriors hailing from Planet Vegeta."

In the background, the members of Kame House were collectively losing their minds for the third time, of whom, Master Roshi actually wheezed, leaning on his cane as his aged lungs struggled to pull in more air. However, none of these reactions were noted by the Saiyan brothers, so deep they were in their conversation.

"Look, I don't know what you're talking about, Rabbit. I'm not one of these Saiyans." Goku scratched his head and gave a nonchalant shrug with an innocent expression on his face.

"IT'S RADITZ! And like hell you're not! All Saiyans have a tail!" Raditz shouted, his voice carrying a hint of frustration. Raditz's eyes shifted to Goku's posterior as if searching for evidence to support his argument. When they landed on Goku's decisively tailless ass, Raditz's entire body recoiled, and his gaze remained fixed there, unmoving. His face assumed an exaggerated and unnatural calm, reminiscent of a Buddha who had attained enlightenment. "Where's your tail?"

"Oh, I lost it somewhere when I was a kid!"

"You– you– you WHAT?!" At his exclamation, Raditz raised a hand to his head and swayed, looking like he was just one step away from having an aneurysm.

Goku watched with growing concern at his new older brother. Raditz looked like he was about to lose his balance, his face contorted with frustration and what looked like physical pain. The situation was beginning to resemble something Goku had witnessed in the past, and it worried him.

"Hey, Radish, are you okay?" Goku asked, his voice laced with genuine concern. "Are you having a heart attack or something? You need to calm down! Don't get so upset, it's not good for you!"

Raditz shot a baleful look at Goku, his eyes burning with unspoken vitriol. He pointed a shaking finger.

"I swear to King Vegeta, if I die, heart attack or otherwise, it's going to be because of you! You dumbass!"

Goku, however, had an 'aha!' moment. He'd also seen this before, and he thought he knew what might help. With newfound confidence, Goku looked at Raditz earnestly, fully believing in the advice he was about to give.

"You know, Radish," he began, "you're taking everything way too seriously, just like Tien used to. I'll share with you the same advice I gave him: find love! I genuinely believe that everything will turn out better for you if you find love in your life."

Raditz blinked, his anger momentarily replaced by utter bafflement.

"Love?" he offered hesitantly, as if he had misheard.

Goku nodded vigorously.

"Yeah, love! You've got to let go of all that stress and anger and replace it with love and happiness!"

"Love? LOVE?! Says you! I've known you for all of 10 minutes and even I know you have the charm and the intelligence of a rock! No offense to the rock."

"Hey! I'm married though!"

"You're what?!" Raditz replied, his voice dry and deadpan. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. This buffoon is married? Which girl was dumb enough to attach herself to him?

"Yeah, and this is my son, Gohan!" Goku proudly introduced while patting Gohan's head. The boy was still hiding behind his father's legs, clearly overwhelmed by the situation. "Say hi, son!"

"Hi…" Gohan peeked out and introduced himself shyly.

Raditz looked utterly dumbfounded. Then, his brain found enough RAM to zero in on one detail. "You named your son RICE?!"

"After my grandpa!"

Raditz, on the other hand, appeared even more bewildered. His eyes widened and sheer disbelief was painted all over them. 

"What the fu– we don't even have a grand– wha– what the f*ck is happening?! Am I high right now? Did Cui mess with my food again?"

Goku tilted his head, baffled by Raditz's ramblings.

Raditz pressed a hand to his face, desperately trying to regain control of himself after that hot mess of an emotional rollercoaster. He is not just on the verge of losing his patience, he is on the verge of losing his goddamn mind. He genuinely feels like he's on a knife's edge, one tilt away from the abyss of pure insanity.

He took a series of deep, steadying breaths, the erratic rise and fall of his chest gradually slowing. When he finally spoke again, it was with a newfound composure.

"Alright, fine! Scratch all that and we'll start from the beginning!"