Chapter 10

Chapter 10

To be nothing

The rest of the journey back to Mist was done in silence. Utakata never let down his guard, as he felt that Yagura might kill him for no reason at any moment. Utakata couldn't understand Yagura. He couldn't read him at all. Yagura would always smile at Utakata, yet it was never possible to determine why. Did Yagura like him like he said, or he simply saw Utakata as someone easy to kill?

Utakata was still quite angry at the mission. There was no reason to kill almost all the team. Plenty of dead bodies could be found and used to impersonate the Cloud shinobi. Utakata could only think of one reason why Yagura killed them. They were dangerous for the village. They most likely served in opposition to the Third Mizukage or Yagura himself.

It smelled of politics, yet Utakata had too little knowledge about them to determine it to be true. Zabuza and Utakata were left alive because they didn't belong to any side of the political world, and it would be suspicious if only Yagura came back. At least, that is what Utakata wanted to believe. He hoped they weren't killed for no reason. With Yagura, it was hard to tell.

Utakata could only tell that Yagura didn't value human life at all. But most of the Mist shinobi thought the same. The strong was what mattered to the village, even if they contradicted themselves. To Utakata, it was clear that the village valued its history the most since the academy times. The founder clans were more important than anything else.

As much as the village valued the strength of the shinobi, they feared it too. The village knew of its mistreatment of the other lower caste citizens, so if someone from the lower caste was getting a bit too strong, they were culled before it was too late. The strong ones could only belong to the founder clans. At least, that is what Utakata thought was the Third Mizukage's policy.

Utakata didn't relax even when they returned to the village. Zabuza and Utakata had to wait until Yagura reported about the mission. They couldn't even leave to eat or rest. Utakata was starving, as a diet of crackers and water wasn't sustainable. Zabuza had a cold expression, but Utakata could tell he didn't like what happened in the mission either.

"I hope you haven't been waiting for me for too long," Yagura once again appeared out of nowhere. Utakata was tired of being unable to sense him before it was too late. "You two had done well, and there is your reward."

Zabuza almost ripped the money from Yagura's hands before he turned and left. Utakata, on the other side, didn't have the guts to do the same, so he politely took the money before thanking Yagura. It was best to never interact with Yagura. It didn't matter that he would be the next Mizukage. Utakata didn't want to have any connection to him.

"Hmm, I thought you would be more emotional once we returned to the village," Yagura said before Utakata could leave. "It would be hard to kill you now since we are back in the village, and technically I am no longer your leader."

"Hard but not impossible, right?" Utakata cursed his curious mind.

"I would get in trouble if I gutted you now, but nothing that I couldn't handle," Yagura answered. "After all, I am heir to the Karatachi clan, and you are nothing."

"As I thought," It wasn't surprising to Utakata.

"You know, I like you, kid. You are going to go far," Yagura patted Utakata's shoulder. "But the question is if you should. I give you advice, It might save your life, so listen well." Yagura waited until he got Utakata's full attention. "Forget what you were, who you are, or who you will be. Don't think about it because there is only one answer to all these thoughts. You are nothing but a weapon, and if the weapon becomes too hard to wield, they are disposed of. Don't feel or think that is the only way to survive this empty and cruel world. Become empty and cruel Utakata."

"I will keep that in mind," Utakata replied.

"Good, and one last thing," Yagura said as he lifted his hand from Utakata's shoulder. "Don't think about promotion. A weapon doesn't need a rank, whether genin, chunin, or a jonin. Those ranks mean nothing to you. You will live like a weapon and die as one. I like you so, please, don't try to be something more and be disposed of."

Yagura left after saying this part. It made Utakata sick that he found these words to be correct. If he wanted to survive the war and what the future will bring, he needed to stop thinking about anything but killing his enemies. He couldn't feel anything for his comrades who would die or the enemies he would kill. Utakata had to be nothing but a weapon. This was a warning from Yagura and the village.

But could he do it? Utakata didn't have much attachment to the Mist, but he still had feelings even if he hid them from others and ignored them. After all, he still felt an enormous quilt over the little girl he killed in the last mission, no matter how hard he tried to bury them. He still thought about what he could have done differently. But he had to let go of those feelings. He might have to do more cruel things in the future. He had to be nothing but a weapon to handle it and survive.

…

A weapon still needed to eat. So, the first place Utakata went was a ramen shop. Only after gaining some distance from Yagura did he find out how much money he got. It is more than he ever has earned put together. Utakata had counted the money five times before he started to believe that he had enough money to spend as he wished.

Before, he would never have ordered deluxe pork ramen, but now he had three servings. He could now understand why it cost so much. It was amazing. The pork was tender and melted on Uatakata's tongue. The broth was rich in flavor, and the noodles were firm yet tender. A sprinkling of finely chopped scallions added a hint of freshness. With its custard-like yolk, the soft-boiled egg added a creamy richness that mingled beautifully with the other components.

It was something that Utakata had never imagined wasting his money on. Yet there he was, finishing his third bowl. It would have brought him a lot of happiness once in a time. Now, though, he couldn't even force himself to be happy. What right did he have to be happy when he took a life of an innocent life?

He knew that he shouldn't think about it, it was a mission, and the girl would have died anyways. Yet the guilt always would find its way into Utakata's heart. Logic didn't matter in the face of his feelings. He couldn't forget how the girl looked as his kunai pierced her neck. The sudden pain and panic reflected well on her expression. She died quickly, but not quickly enough to not understand what happened.

The horror-filled eyes will haunt Utakata for a long time. But he forced himself to push those thoughts back into his mind and lock them away. Yagura was right. If he wanted to survive, he had to become nothing but a weapon. Utakata didn't understand how he should do it. So, he decided it would be best to pretend. If he lied to everyone and himself long enough, it should become true one day.

Maybe he wasn't suited to be a shinobi. But now it was too late to decide on another life path. He was stuck and will have to push forward no matter what. Just three or four more years and the war should end. But what then? It wasn't like he wouldn't have anything to do. He would have to take missions to live either way. And the Mist was famous for its assassinations. He would have to kill even after the war.

When will it be that he could do what he wanted to do? Never if he isn't strong enough. Yet if the village deemed him too strong for his good, they would dispose of him. He must hide his strength until he is strong enough to defend himself from the village. It seemed that everything was against Utakata's success. But it didn't matter. He knew from the beginning that it wouldn't be easy.

What Utakata was sure of was that he couldn't become complacent. He needed to put on much work into improving himself. Utakata wanted to improve his sensing abilities first, but deciding to keep them a secret, he couldn't ask anyone for help. So, he could only think of going around the village and trying to sense everything around him.

While he did that, he decided to go some shopping. Now that he had some money, it was time to change his wardrobe. Walking around the marketplace, he found a long-sleeved, high-collared, protective jacket and vest. They were made of good quality, so, Utakata took them in two sizes bigger than him. He was still growing, and he could hide weapons in them better that way.

As he tried to different people from citizens and shinobi using only his senses, Utakata found some lose fitting pants. Utakata liked how they fitted well with his jacket and vest, as they were light blue, and the pants were dark blue. These garments provided flexibility and freedom of movement during combat, so Utakata liked them.

Then Utakata went to get more shuriken and kunai. At one point, he was overwhelmed by the number of shinobi at weapon shops. But he only focused on his senses more and tried to filter through the shinobi to find the strongest chakra sources and the weakest. It was difficult, and Utakata could feel his head hurting from the senses, but he ignored the pain and continued to focus on his senses until he found that he wasn't breathing for ten seconds.

Utakata left the marketplace and rested on a bench as if nothing had happened. Yet, he knew he couldn't stop now. It will be even more difficult on a battlefield to sense everyone and distinguish the chakra sources. He needed to learn it now and here, where he could control the environment around him.

Utakata continued his training and shopping despite the sun being still high. This time he went to get some smoke bombs, emergency medical supplies, and other small knickknacks that might help him on the battlefield, like a good-quality flask. So far, he hasn't damaged his water bottle, but it would suck if it broke in a battle and he wouldn't have any water.

When people started to disperse from the marketplace, using his senses was easier, but Utakata knew he couldn't take an easier path. So, he went to get some new ninjutsu. The jutsu marketplace was run by the Mist government. It provided the most basic jutsu to shinobi. Of course, it wasn't free, and jutsu cost quite a bit.

It was a system to exploit and control the shinobi. Shinobi from the clans didn't need to buy jutsu. The clan provided them with everything they needed. Utakata stopped thinking about how unjust it was and focused on his senses. There were many shinobi in the jutsu marketplace, some pathetically weak, some more powerful than even Zabuza, but no one had chakra intensity similar to Yagura.

Utakata had to remind himself that Yagura wasn't a jinchuriki yet. Even without a tailed beast inside him, Yagura had a strong chakra. It overshadowed everyone he had met. But it wasn't surprising as soon Yagura would be the next Mizukage. Only the strongest shinobi of the village could be a Mizukage, so even if he wasn't the strongest yet, Yagura was one of the strongest.