One hundred and six: Honeymoon confusion

MATURE CONTENT WARNING: CONTAINS ADULT THEMES. READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION

We didn't get out of bed until lunch time and I felt ready to go back to sleep before the meal was even done. My entire body was sore. I didn't remember Kiran ordering the meal, but perhaps he had planned this ahead. Someone had knocked and left it on the door.

"We're going horse riding," Kiran told me, his face more alight and alive than I had ever seen him. I couldn't deny him. I didn't even get the chance. He pulled my old blanket dress over my head and carried me to the car where he placed me gently on the backseat and covered me with a blanket. "Have a nap," he advised. "It's going to be a long drive."

"Why this old dress?" I asked him.

"I like that it's simple," he said from behind the wheel. "You look beautiful in your other clothes, but this one was just handy."

"I don't have any of my underthings on."

"You won't need them," he glanced back over his shoulder at me.

That made me feel worried. Were we going to be doing that sort of stuff the entire time? Who goes horse riding in a short dress that won't even cover them? What if I didn't want to do what he wanted? Did I even have a choice?

"I've never been horse riding before."

"Don't worry. I'll teach you," he said with a mischievous smile. "Close your eyes and go to sleep. I'll wake you when we get there. We're going to finally have our honeymoon."

It was dark when we arrived and Kiran carried me straight to bed, kissing me before he lay down beside me and fell straight to sleep. Somehow I wasn't sleepy anymore. I crept out of bed and looked around the sparse one room hut. One bed. One table. Two chairs. One small enclosed bathing and toilet area out the back of the hut - without a roof over those facilities. The bathroom and toilet area walls were all stones built over scraped rock.

Outside, the moon shone brightly, painting the bedewed grass silver and two horses in a nearby field looked up at my approach. They sniffed me over and snorted, nibbling gently at my dress. I patted them both and spotted an apple tree. It was autumn, so the apples should be ripe. The horses watched me climb the fence, pick my way through the silver grass and their piles of poop to climb the tree. They followed and stood under the tree, waiting.

Climbing the tree, I felt the rough bark and leaves brush against my skin. I found two apples and plucked them. Hanging upside down from my branch, I fed them to the horses, who licked me in thanks. Making me giggle softly at the tickle. I couldn't see because my dress had fallen over my face. I pulled myself back up, straightened the dress and then sat back on the branch to enjoy an apple myself. It was so sour that I made faces, but sweet enough for me to still find it enjoyable. Besides, the crunch was so satisfying. I hoped there weren't any worms that I couldn't see in the silver light, but it didn't matter much. I wasn't as picky as I used to be about my food and well, worms were just extra protein.

How long would we be here? Were we just here to go horse riding? Kiran hadn't said. Was he taking a little holiday? Was this his land? So many questions and no answers. I didn't really want to ask him either. Often now, I'd discovered I was happier not knowing things and just doing what I was told. It was hard to make my own decisions and say what I wanted to do. It was like the more independent, colourful Jean from before the war had faded into this dependent, pale person. Sometimes I didn't even feel like a person, especially the past two years with Dr Eisor. What did that mean? Had I become domesticated? Had the doctor brainwashed me in a way?

Was this good? Or bad?

Dropping back upside down again, I held out another two apples for the horses. My dress flipped back over my face and I was glad there was no one about. Sometimes there's a strange freedom at being being fully exposed to the world and being able to hang upside from a tree just for the fun of it. I couldn't even remember the last time I had climbed a tree.

Pulling my dress back around my legs to cover myself, I smiled at the upside down silver world. My world had turned upside down itself, so it felt right to see the world from the angle it seemed to all have become in my head.

Blood was rushing to my head, making me dizzy and I had to let go my dress to reach for the branch. The dress covered my vision and I tried to pull myself up, but something holding onto my dress held me down. Letting go the branch, I tugged to no avail. Whatever it was had caught a good hold of my skirt. The skirt must have got caught on some twigs or something.

Warm hands slid over my body toward my lower abdomen, giving me a shock. My knees almost let go the branch. The hands left a tingling trail that made me think of moonbeams on dark water. Fingers stroked the stripe at the lower abdomen.

"Kiran?" I asked, gasping at the growing intensity of the pleasant sensations released from that stripe. Kiran hadn't touched the stripe at all yesterday. "Kiran, is that you? Kiran?"

A mouth suckled my each breast, teeth lightly grazing the nipples. I had to concentrate hard on hanging onto the branch with both legs to keep from falling.

"Let go," said Kiran's voice. "I'll catch you."

I unhooked my legs from the tree branch and Kiran caught me upside down, planting a kiss in an unexpected place that made me release a squeak. When he righted me, he pushed me up against the tree trunk and kissed me so deeply that I nearly gagged. He tasted of apples.

After a moment, I couldn't help myself. I reciprocated. And then Kiran carried me out of the paddock so that we wouldn't roll into horse poop.

"We're here for our honeymoon," he told me. "The one we never got before. God knows, you're beautiful."

I shivered at that. He called me beautiful. He thought I was beautiful, even if I knew I wasn't. Even if I didn't want him, where would I find another like him? Who else would love me this much? That is, if what he felt for me was truly love and not just lust.

Despite the small irritation with myself for not being able to hold off or slap him away when I still hadn't decided if I really wanted this - wanted him. Everything, like yesterday, was just too wonderful and delicious to stop him. Besides, he was too strong for me, but somehow that just made everything even better. Because I then had no choice but to obey.

In the following days, he taught me about horses and riding. We went for long rides through the empty countryside and often got delayed on the way back. Kiran especially enjoyed it when the two of us rode the one horse together. Those times, I felt like I was flying. Higher and higher toward the sky and I'd never fall. Not with him behind me.

In doing the chores about the hut, he'd often surprise me in the middle of something. We had a lot of burnt meals when I took too long protesting and he wouldn't let me go until I gave up and let him have his way. He'd have me anyway, no matter what answer I gave him. Soon he had me trained to do what he wanted sooner rather than later, because he didn't like to let me go until I had completely lost myself and those marathon sessions when I tried to hold back were just too tiring.

I found it strange to discover how much I enjoyed it. Even when I didn't feel interested at first. Kiran was very good at warming me to himself. He seldom ever used the stripe unless I was taking too long to warm up or drew slave commands on me unless he wanted to give me a boost. When we weren't rolling around somewhere or near breaking furniture or walls, I was hobbling and wincing at all-over pains. Kiran barely seemed to notice unless I complained about it. He seemed to watch my wobbly knees and difficulty walking afterward with a certain type of pride.