20

I feel like saying "Yes, cocaine," but when she says it like that it suddenly becomes something else. Something more than it was when I was thinking of taking cocaine. What was I thinking? I wasn't thinking. That is the truth. I wasn't thinking, I was feeling. Or not feeling. I just needed something to take it all away. I feel my lunch coming up again, so I hurry back into the bathroom. When I turn around from rinsing my mouth I find Tsitsi staring at me. I pause, wrinkling the towel in my hands. We seemed to be getting somewhere, to finally being something.

And if I am pregnant I think all that will fly out of the window. Will she love me, like that?

"I don't think you own any tracksuits, you'll have to use mine," she says, turning on her heels. My shoulders sag in relief when I realize she doesn't know I was throwing up. But what is she talking about?