Dao of Bullshit

In my second life, I was reborn as a human being, a truly disgusting species.

Never have I ever seen a being look so ugly.

I was apparently born into a middle-class family. Since birth I showed extreme intelligence which made everyone hail me as a prodigy.

I was also a very introverted person or so people believed.

Reason?

Humans did not motivate me to interact with them.

While I was growing up, people and kids would call me edgy or a chunnibyo, a chunnibyo is a person who thinks he is a character from a series or has a complex.

Grown up, due to my attitude, I was called a delusional man. People would sigh from time to time while staring at me saying that even Einstein was crazy.

"..."

Never mind I wouldn't be able to explain to them nor did I care to do so.

Growing up as a human this time, it had been quite a trauma.

Can you imagine how powerless I felt?

Just a second ago I was one of the stronger existences and then the very next second I was an utter piece of shit.

I had no magic.

I had no bloodline limit.

I had no body constitution.

I had no spiritual roots.

In all?

I was trash.

Or maybe even that is a compliment.

Anyway, so this is how my story proceeded.

Even if I was powerless I was still not ready to give in hence I started to focus on the stuff for which I was famous in my previous life.

When I was in uni, a few students decided to bully my pet human.

Outcome?

Legs dislocated and hands thoroughly crushed.

People called me a monster. Did I care? No way.

My parents disowned me due to my violent behavior, they were pretty happy to get rid of me. Can't blame them.

If someone provokes and attacks me or my close people then I am not a saint to sit back and let them bully. I usually sit back with popcorn

However, after beating the kids up. The cops tried to arrest and put my ass in jail. Before they could do that, I assaulted an officer and kicked him in the pp.

His partner who was apparently horrified because he was the gay husband of the one I assaulted, shot a bullet at me.

Looking at the bullet in slow motion, I had a peaceful smile on my face. Finally, time to die. However before it could even touch me, my pet, Bob came in between.

Headshot. Not even the heart, straight to the head.

Tears flowed out of my eyes. The only person I have ever interacted with since I died in my first life was... dead.

That is how my origin story began.

My eyes were red, as I held the cold corpse in my hand gazing right into their souls.

"You are fucked."

Not figuratively, please.

That incident aside. The only reason I never attempted suicide was because suicide multiplies bad karma, you are supposed to live life the way you are born and bad karma gives more bad luck in the next life.

The good effect of this life as a human is that my narcissism toned down a bit, not a lot but it still toned down.

Why so?

I couldn't even bear to look at my own human face.

About arrogance? I never really had arrogance, I believe that arrogance is for the weak, it's a countermeasure to protect their feeble minds.

Instead of arrogance, one should have confidence, at least that's what I believe.

What I had deduced in my time as a human was that I was surely in a parallel world or maybe a different dimension since no other species existed, the entire planet was filled with filthy humans.

To pass my time when I was not assassinating people to take over the world I would either busk on the streets while playing the piano on the sidewalk or sell ganja.

I had to eat food. I had a human body and the fastest way to earn good money was to sell drugs.

Seems like, in every world, drug is a pleasure that sells quickly.

One day an Irish kind-looking human who was surely harboring greed with a long nose took me in his wing, apparently, he once saw me busking. Turned out he was a music producer.

At least I managed to save a decent looking singing creature called Elvis. That moffo was definitely not human.

Like that, my journey to becoming the world's greatest pianist started, I could play all the instruments perfectly funnily enough.

Even though I was human it would be an understatement to call me a Super Human because I had surpassed all the humans.

Putting aside the two jobs, I was also a very well-known doctor, one of my greatest skills as a fairy king back in my previous life was that I was especially good at acupuncture however even after having so many skills, I still could not save Bo- wait... what was his name?

Indirectly one could say that I ruled the world.

Rulers of counties, presidents, and prime ministers would send their daughters to seduce me. When that didn't work they would send their wives.

Hah! Did they really think I would stoop so low? Well... probably not in this disgusting world.

It is not a statement that would fall short, after all, even Jin Kong Um did his best to please me, sending all his daughters and wives.

The futanari was delusional, brainwashing his citizens to believe him and his family as gods. I would never do something like this.

What? Do you expect me to believe that he does not, not work out is because he does not want to not show his boobs? I call bullshit.

In the end, all the world leaders came together to hold a conference specifically to earn my favor and discuss peacefully what it would take to stop me from dominating the world.

Their topic of discussion?

Trying to find a wife for me.

At that moment in the conference when everyone was going through the list of top 100 beauties, a man voiced out his opinion.

"Is he maybe gay?"

Thus it came to the point of sending gay men to me.

Result?

All the world leaders dead.

I am a supporter of Lgbtq and these people DARE TO ASSUME MY SEXUALITY?! THAT IS COURTING DEATH!!

As I said before, the entire human world was already in my hands, but even for me, it was too unstable to control especially since I did not have my previous strength and the world leaders were dead.

Hmph! I wonder who killed them, that person should be fucked.

Oh wait... that's me.

SEXY TIME!

Hence, war broke out, marking the start of World War 3.

While the war was going on, the reason behind it... me... was slurping on cup noodles while reading web novels.

My only hobby in the human realm excluding music, painting, chess, watching anime, or reading manhwas was reading web novels.

Soon stopped anime because it was becoming extremely cringe due to its popularity. I think that was another reason why I was motivated when WW3 began, I do remember something about wanting to separate the weeds from the grass.

While I was reading a fanfic called Protagonists are my Stepping Stones, I came across a very disturbing line, due to which it resulted in me coughing.

My coughing resulted in me choking upon my cup noodles.

And my choking resulted in death.

"..."

~

I opened my eyes in confusion as I saw the many people in the banquet hall.

Where am I?

I couldn't help but ask myself.

Right when I was about to take a closer look and observe the place, a huge amount of pain struck my mind.

Clutching my forehead I fell onto the ground rolling a bit, soft groans managed to escape my mouth.

Finally, after two minutes, the pain disappeared. Still clasping the head in two hands, I tried to stand up, only to wobble on occasion.

Tilting my head upwards, I glared at the people in the banquet hall, not one came to help me instead they looked at me with disdain... heartless bastards.

My hands involuntary went towards my face as I rushed towards the pond which was beside me.

Long silver goldilocks fell on my cheeks while the rest was tied up in a neat ponytail. My skin was pale, it was like the very reflection of the moon. giving a nice contrast to my silver hair.

I stared into my eyes that I could see reflecting from the pond.

They were violet amethyst in color, almost divine looking like stars in the darkness of the black night.

My eyes almost got watery as I stared at my own reflection.

Yes!

This is how I looked in my first life!

The only difference seemed to be that I was possessing a younger body of myself.

Pond- check, hot body- check!

Isn't this like the tale of Narcissus??

Okay, that's it, no more staring. I can not let myself become addicted to myself again. Narcissism is a weakness.

Not interested in dying again and this time reincarnating as a goblin.

Sitting beside the pond I closed my eyes, to sort my new memories and old ones.

The immense pain that I felt earlier was apparently the memories of the original owner of this body.

Quite odd that the original owner looked exactly like me... it's as if Fate was doing this on purpose.

Then again, that bitch has been fucking me since before my life began.

After a few minutes, I finally was able to sort out all my memories.

Opening my eyes I stared into the scenery which was composed of lanterns with golden flames and greenery all beside it.

Near my legs was a frosty but warm pond, my legs involuntarily approached the pond, soaking them in it.

My conscience had cleared a bit, and many things had rushed to me, questions and answers both in harmony.

The peaceful wind was in euphony with the chirping of the insects and the fleeting of the owls.

Peaceful. I felt myself to be in an extremely tranquil state.

It was like as if nothing could affect me, fully calm.

My eyes shut closed, only to be fluttered open with a new light in them.

My name in this life was Irakiel Aplistia Mammon, I am a former member of the Greed Sin family, one of the seven sin demon families.

It seemed as if my name in this life was the same as my first life. I missed it a dear lot won't lie.

Whether it was a coincidence or a script, I knew one thing for sure.

Every end is the start of another beginning.

-and this one would be the best beginning ever!