Chapter 14

I walked out of the room and met with Ayesha on the way, "Hey!" she said. She had been working hard these past months, and we didn't even have much time to spend together. "Hey."

"Liam has been trying to call you, but apparently, you're not answering his calls. Is everything okay?"

"Um, yes, everything is alright," I said.

"Um, well, Liam is here," she said, sounding nervous.

"What!? What is he doing here? Where is he?" I asked, walking away quickly.

"He is talking to, um, the others on stage," she said, following me.

"Please don't do anything stupid," she begged me. We got to the stage, and it was well set out, the lighting, decorations, etc. We were holding an after the concert party. There he was, sitting with Namjoon by his side and Jin on his other side. He looked good, but he wasn't supposed to be here. He saw me approaching him and stood up, smiling as if everything was perfect between us - it wasn't!

"Anashe baby, surprise," he said, getting ready to hug me.

"Don't touch me, don't 'Anashe baby' me, and don't you freakin' tell me this is a surprise, Liam. What do you want!?" I asked him.

"Babe-"

"Don't YOU dare CALL me BABE," I said, emphasizing what I could emphasize.

"Is everything okay?" Namjoon asked me.

"Thanks for asking, but NO, nothing is okay as long as he is here," I said, pointing at Liam.

"Anashe, why are you doing this? Why are you not answering my calls or my messages? Why are you avoiding me... did you find someone?" he asked.

"I AM TIRED... I AM SO FREAKING TIRED... LIAM, I AM T-I-R-E-D, tired of your sh*t," I screamed. "Calm down Anashe," Namjoon said. I took a deep breath.

"Let's talk somewhere private," he said, trying to hold me.

"Don't touch me! And I am not talking to you, Liam, until you get your life together," I said, moving away from him.

"Anashe, what am I doing wrong? Is it wrong for me to think about Zhang?"

"Liam, it's been four years, I have moved on, but you can't seem to move on, and you are dragging me down, you are straining my life. Liam, Zhang was my life. He was everything to me and even more; nothing can ever undo what has been done. I just wanna remember Zhang through our good memories, not our last memory of him. It was hard for me to move on, it was hard for me to even wake up every day and remember that Zhang... all I am saying is that Liam, you need help," I said as I held both of his hands. His face was facing down as he sobbed, "I... I know it's just that it's hard, it hasn't been easy, I don't know how," he said.

"A journey of a thousand steps begins with a single step, Liam, start off by accepting. You need to accept, and then everything will fall into place for you, you also need to get help; it's the only way," I said, wiping his tears.

"What about us?" he asked, looking at me.

"There was an Us, now it's just Anashe, and for you, it's just Liam, meaning there is no longer an us, you and me don't exist anymore, it has long been over, only the credits were left." (Cheesy much)

"Don't you miss him sometimes?" he asked me.

"I miss him every day of my life, with every breath I take, if I could ask for one last time with him I would-"

"Trade everything I possibly have just to be with him," Liam and I said. A tear escaped my eye.

"You will be okay," I said as I walked away to stand at the backstage. Tear after tear, and soon after, I found myself sobbing.

(Third person narrative) Read this with your saddest song; it brings about the emotions. For me, it was "One More Light" by Linkin Park... R.I.P CHESTER.

OR THIS SONG: "We The Kings - Sad Song (Lyric Video) ft. Elena Coats"

NB: The next scene may be sensitive for other readers, includes violence, and traumatic experiences.

Liam walked away, leaving the stadium. "What happened between them?" Namjoon asked as he watched Anashe walk away crying.

"Tragic," Ayesha said as a tear escaped her eye.

"Tragic?" he asked, confused. Everyone in the room looked at Ayesha, expecting her to explain more about what she meant. The others had joined them on the stage as they were expecting a party to be taking place.

"Don't you know what happened on the 21st of June?" Ayesha asked them. They all shook their heads; it was expected as this was a loss America faced, and probably not many people from other countries heard the news, only the lucky ones did.

"Liam had an older brother, his older brother was married and expecting a child soon. Tragically, they met with an accident and passed on, leaving their newly born baby. Liam, being the only other sibling, took care of the child since his parents were always traveling, even after the death of their eldest son. Liam met Anashe three years later, and they raised little Zhang together. Anashe was still young then, but she loved Zhang so much she made him her son, and he called her mommy. She was almost always busy, so sometimes she went days without seeing Zhang. People didn't know about him then because she didn't want them to know about him. She wanted to keep him off the tabloids and the internet, and she wanted him to grow up like any normal child his age," Ayesha said, giving them a little background information, and Namjoon translated some things for the others.

"He was my little Iron Man," Anashe said, standing on the other side of the stage as she wiped away fresh tears that were filled with memories filled with pain.

"I remember that day so well; it feels like yesterday," she said, sitting down on the stage

FLASHBACK (Back to Anashe's POV)

"Mommy, I don't want to go to school," Zhang complained.

"Iron Man, come on now, you need to go to school. I promise I will be here waiting for you. I have the whole two weeks to spend with you, just you, dad, and me," I said as I gave him my pinky finger.

"Promise?" Zhang asked as he put his pinky finger out. "With my heart, soul, and love for you," I said as we did the pinky promise, and I kissed his forehead.

"Bye," he waved as he got into the car. "Bye, and I love you a million three thousand times, baby," I said, blowing kisses to him.

"I love you a million infinity times too," he said as the car drove away with him.

I got into the house and started working, reading emails, contracts, and having meetings online. Ayesha got into the house carrying fast food takeaways, "Afternoon," she said as she sat next to me. "Afternoon, Yesha," I said as I took a slush from her. "How long have you been working?" she asked me, looking around.

"Uhm, from 7:30 am till now, I need to get a lot of work covered since I will be spending this summer holiday with Zhang. I need to make up for the lost time," I said as I read an email about an upcoming single song I was planning to release.

"Uhm, Nashe, Zhang attends Rosewood school, right?" Ayesha asked, sounding terrified. "Yes, why?" I asked, looking at her. "Turn the TV on and switch to the news channel quick!" she exclaimed. "Why, though?"

"Just do it!"

I quickly went to the lounge and turned the TV on. I quickly went to the news channel, and what I read was shocking, 'Two armed shooters holding Rosewood children hostage.'

"What..no..no..no, this can't be happening," I said as I dropped the remote. "I need to get there now," I said, attempting to run out of the house. "Wait, Anashe, you can't just run. Let's get to the car," Ayesha said. "The car, it's out," I said, running out of the gate quickly. My mind was racing, and I could not think properly for a while.

My heart was beating so hard I could hear it. I ran and ran, and despite losing breath, I kept on running and running. I fell to the ground as I tripped, but a car stopped in front of me, and Ayesha came out. "Get in the car, it's quicker," she said as she helped me get into the car. As she drove, I quickly took my phone, and an emergency alert popped up on the screen, informing us about the major news happening currently. I quickly called 911, "Our dispatcher is currently receiving a high volume of calls. Please stay on the line... 911, what is your emergency?"

"My son is a student in Rosewood primary school, and there are people with guns," I said, out of breath.

"Ma'am, you are saying that your son is in Rosewood primary school, is that correct?"

"Yes, and I am trying to get there, and I can't reach the school or him."

"What is your name, ma'am?"

"Anashe..Anashe Ambani."

"Okay, Anashe, the police have set up an area at the Rosewood community centre. Do you know where it is?"

"Uh-Yes..yes, yes," I said, as my voice was shaky.

"Every student that will be safely evacuated will be taken there to meet with their parents. Please get there," she said calmly.

"Can-can you confirm tha..that my son is safe?"

"I am sorry, ma'am, I do not have access to that information, but please do GET to the community centre," she said, emphasizing the word 'get.'

"Ok-okay, I am on my way."

"Anashe, we have a high volume of calls right now, but when you do get to the Rosewood community centre and you need any help, then do call and ask for Angelina Mendes. I will be happy to assist you with anything," she said in a sweet tone.

"Thank you..thank you," I said, trying hard not to cry. My mind was running wild; I didn't know what to think or what not to think, but all I know is that I was praying and yearning to see my child and hug him. I wanted everything to be alright.

"Welcome."

We arrived at the community centre, and I saw a lot of parents who were anxious, scared, and traumatized. Every parent was praying hard for their kids to come out safely, our hearts beating fast, and our minds racing, imagining and refusing to imagine. I looked at the school building across the street, surrounded by police cars and ambulances, and my heart skipped many beats. I attempted to enter the building, but the police officers held me, "Let me go, my...my child…my child is in there," I said, fighting to go in. "Ma'am, please step away. We will ensure that your child gets out safe and sound. It's dangerous to go in there; please go and wait with the other parents for your safety," F*ck safety! I am telling you that my...my...My Zhang is...is in there," I said, fighting harder to get in. Bah! Bah! Bah!

Gunshots! Kids screaming!

All I could hear was my heartbeat; it drummed against my chest louder and louder than before. I moved my eyes, but everything was hazy, like it was a blur and nothing existed but mere little figures that were disoriented. My eyes roamed the school building as I searched and searched for my peace and solace, as I tried to wake up from this nightmare. I then spotted Zhang standing by the window, crying, "Zhang..Zhang…run! Hide, baby!" I screamed as I came to life. I wanted him to hide, to run, and come to me, in my arms where he would be safe. As I was telling him to run, suddenly, a gunshot was heard, followed by another one, and Zhang fell to the ground. "Aahhhhhh!!!" I screamed, but it was too late; they had started...more gunshots followed.

"No..no..no..no..zhang! Zhang!" I screamed in disbelief. My eyes felt like heavy bags of poison; my mouth tasted like bleach, and my body felt as if it was set alight, but all this became numb as my mind processed more and more to a point that it stopped. I fell to the ground as my whole system shut down, lifeless I felt and in the darkness, I saw myself in.

The police officers quickly rushed into the building as they tried to avoid any further loss. I quickly stood up and followed them. Some officers tried to hold me, but I was too fast for them. I ran to Zhang's classroom, and there lay many children on the floor. Blood was everywhere, and the more I looked, the more my heart got ripped. The sight was disturbing and traumatic. My eyes set on Zhang, laying on the floor with blood all over him. His chest was not moving up and down, his eyes were not opened, and he was not smiling like he used to. I ran to him and picked him up, "You are going to be okay, baby... mommy is here now," I said, rubbing his head. I sat on the floor and laid him on my lap, "Zhang..open your eyes now, mommy is here, open them, baby, I am here now, don't be scared," I said, kissing his head. "Zhang..Zhang! Zhang, please wake up," I said as my voice slowly disappeared, and my strength lessened. "Zhang, I promised..I..I..promised I will be there, please don't leave me," I added, tears leaving my eyes, blurring my vision as I refused to blink them away. I held him to my chest and sobbed as loud as I could.

Pain was the only thing that I could taste and feel; everything else was blocked. My body felt numb, and everything disappeared, putting me in the darkest place I have ever been, so dark that my entire body became dark inside and out. I never stopped crying, and I was not planning on stopping. I hugged Zhang so tight, wishing he could just wake up and tell me he was okay and that nothing really happened to him. Hours later, the paramedics walked out of the building with children on stretchers, one by one, some of them lifeless, some on the verge of death, some injured but in shock, and some wounded in spirit and soul but were okay physically.

I walked out of that building like a zombie. Nothing made sense, nothing seemed right, and I felt nothing. It felt as if I was dead, and I was just a ghost walking aimlessly without direction or vision. The armed shooters were caught, but one of them shot himself in the head, killing himself, and the other seemed emotionless like a robot, but he had no right to feel that way. He had caused all this!

"I am sorry; this is all jus…just too painful. It's like a fresh scar that keeps bleeding endlessly," I said as more tears escaped my eyes.

At a glance, I could see that they all were crying, sympathetic but mostly pained by the pain.

FLASHBACK AGAIN

I was never the same; nothing felt the same. It was like I was in an endless dark cycle that kept on spinning and spinning with me inside, and the stop button was so close, but I didn't want to stop it. I was tired, and I was a zombie. I refused to eat or do anything. Even after his burial, I never once tried to change; I just was there, breathing but not alive.

Months went by, and I had refused to work or do anything. I just locked myself in the room and only ate a bit when Ayesha forced me to. I always had Zhang's picture in my hands. Liam was just like me, a breathing human who was dead inside; he refused to interact with anyone.

During his trial, I was present; I was dead until I saw him there in front of him. They asked me to come to the witness box as I had seen them shoot my son, I didn't want to talk, but I had something to say.

"Ms. Anashe, may you please narrate to us a glimpse of what you had seen during this whole ordeal," the lawyer said.

"I have a question to ask you... Why? Why did you choose to go to a child's school, a kids' school, and point guns at them? You killed my son... my little four-year-old boy who... who never did you wrong... a little boy who had the whole world waiting for him... YOU KILLED HIM!!" I screamed as I threw the glass of water at him. "I So hope with my soul, life, my everything, and my son's blood that you face the worst of the worst and that you die and never even have a home for your disgusting soul," I said as I walked away with my face wet with tears.

I kept on blaming myself. If I had not taken him to school like he asked, if I had run a little faster, if I had been there, and if I had screamed a little more, he could have run away and hidden. The constant blame kept on replaying like a broken tape. I think Liam had had enough of my silent grieving; he barged into the bedroom I had occupied as I grieved. "Anashe, that's enough, okay," he said angrily. "You can't keep doing this… it's enough," he said as he sobbed, falling to the floor. I looked at him as he cried, I stood up, and walked to him, held him as he cried, and I cried along with him in my arms. We cried together for so long that my eyes began to ache, and I had a terrible headache. "I am sorry," I said.

"It's not your fault," he said. "I feel…"

"It's not... don't blame yourself," he added. "Don't do this to yourself, Anashe... this... this is not what Zhang would want to see, you crying and looking this horrible," he said as he wiped my tears. "I bet if he was here, he would call you an ugly monster," he added. I chuckled lightly as I could imagine him say that in his tiny squeaky smooth voice. "You see one smile at a time, and it will ease the pain in your heart," he added as he rubbed my chest, the place where my heart is.

"It's not going to be a once-off thing, it's not going to be easy, nobody said it will; you will just need to take it one step at a time… you will make it. It can really be dark and hopeless now, but when you see the light, it will ease your heart and take away the darkness… a little bit of light is enough to ease complete darkness, I promise it will be worth it at the end." Ayesha said as she came and hugged the both of us. "Liam looked as horrible as me, but he used all his strength to take the first foot forward and help pull the both of us out of the darkness.

FLASHBACK END

"It eventually caught up with Liam as months went by. He was the one who was getting more and more affected; he was never the same. He would act as if Zhang was there or that he was taking him to school. I swear I tried to make it work, I tried to help, but he was never willing to let me help him," I said, facing them. I wiped my tears. "Oh look at me, look at you guys... it's one of my pasts that feels like a nightmare, but I have grown to accept and move on with the good memories of my son. It's not easy moving on, especially when you have guilt and anger, but I got the help I needed, and for now, I am fine," I said, wiping my tear that escaped again.

"Oh, come on, guys, don't cry," I said as I hugged a sobbing Jungkook and Jimin, and the others joined in as they cried.

"We are so... so sorry," Namjoon said.

"Don't be, it's neither of our faults," I said, rubbing their backs.

"I wish I was there to be your support system," Anurak said.

"Me too."

After an hour or so, when everyone had recovered, we proceeded with our initial plan. We had no choice as the party had to be recorded for the fans.

We sat on the floor, which was nicely decorated with snacks, food, and drinks, with balloons, roses, champagne, letters, cushions, and blankets to warm ourselves. They touched up on our makeups in order to try and hide the pinkness and swollenness.

Everyone started conversing while I had no idea what some of them were saying as they were speaking Korean. I just looked at them as they conversed among each other and played around. Anurak came and sat next to me while Jimin was quiet and staring into space, but Taehyung managed to bring him back to earth, and they conversed here and there.

"How are you?" he asked.

"Good, I guess," I said.

"Aaah, I can't help but remember this day," he said, looking at me.

"This day?..ohh our song anniversary," I said, smiling.

"I remember it so well. I was in my studio, trying to sing a song, and I was just so unfocused. Then you came and offered to sing a sad song on Valentine's day," he said, chuckling.

"I just didn't feel okay, and it was a good way to release some stress," I said.

"Our song," he said.

"Our song," I said, smiling.

"Do you want to sing it?" he asked.

"Now? You don't even have your guitar," I said, amused.

"Well, who said I didn't?" he said as he stood up and walked backstage and came with a guitar. I laughed as I realized he was being real. He sat next to me.

"I haven't sung in forever," I said, remembering the song I had written for a special day.(not the one we will sing)

"Are you ready?" he asked.

"No," I said.

"Well, you will never be ready," he said as he started playing the guitar.

Me: I thought that I've been hurt before But no one's ever left me quite this sore Your words cut deeper than a knife Now I need someone to breathe me back to life

Got a feeling that I'm going under But I know that I'll make it out alive If I quit calling you my lover Move on You watch me bleed until I can't breathe

Anurak: I'm shaking, falling onto my knees

Me: And now that I'm without your kisses

Anurak: I'll be needing stitches

Me: I'm ripping over myself

Anurak: I'm aching, begging you to come help

Me: And now that I'm without your kisses

Anurak: I'll be needing stitches

Just like a moth drawn to the flame Oh, you lured me in, I couldn't sense the pain Your bitter heart cold to the touch Both of Us: Now I'm gonna reap what I sow I'm left seeing red on my own

Anurak: I got a feeling that I'm going under

Both of us: But I know that I'll make it out alive

Anurak: If I quit calling you my lover

Both of us: Move on

Anurak: You watch me bleed until I can't breathe

Me: I'm shaking, falling onto my knees

Anurak: And now that I'm without your kisses

Me: I'll be needing stitches

Anurak: Tripping over myself

Me: Aching, begging you to come help

Anurak: And now that I'm without your kisses

Me: I'll be needing stitches, 

For an overview of the song, check it out using this link: https://youtu.be/TObtwHlfLFk

I stopped singing and looked at Anurak, who had stopped playing the guitar, and we were smiling. A tear escaped my eye as I remembered how I wronged Anurak because I was blinded by all the pain I faced, how I hurt him. I wiped it, and everyone was staring at us. "Ahh, don't stare, please," I said, looking down.

"Woah," one of them said.

"That...that was amazing," the other added.

"What song is that?"

"Stitches by Shawn Mendes and Hailee Steinfeld," Anurak and I said.

Jhope clapped excitedly as he came to sit next to me; he side-hugged me. "That was cool," he said as he smiled towards me. You could see that everyone was trying to act normal and happy, but behind those forced smiles was some pain they wanted to express.

"Thank you," I said. They asked us to perform again, and we did, finishing the song. Then, we opened and read letters sent by fans; some were weird and cringy, some were lovely, heartwarming, and funny, but we had fun as we conversed, sang, danced, and ate snacks.

After the mini-party, as everyone was exhausted, I met Ayesha. "I am proud of you," she said as she hugged me. "Thank you, with time it gets better," I said, smiling at her. "Whenever I talk about him, I should be smiling and only saying the good things about him," I added. She hugged me again tightly.

"I am going to meet you in the car; let me go and get my laptop real quick," I said and walked back to the room. My laptop was nowhere in sight, so I assumed it was with one of the boys. As I was heading out of the room, I received a message from Beomgyu that he had my laptop and he was outside. As I was walking out, my vision got blurry, and I felt dizzy and nauseous. I took small, shaky steps towards the door, but I felt a sharp pain from my chest, and I was on the floor. I felt breathless and weak. As I was about to close my eyes, someone opened the door, and Jimin and Kai walked in. They saw me and came to me. "Anashe, are you okay?" they asked.

"Hospital," I managed to whisper... their voices were getting weak, but all I felt was someone lifting me up, and I was laying on someone's back before I blacked out. I heard faint screams, and I blacked out totally.

I opened my eyes but everything was hazy and blurry I heard beeping sounds and the lights blinded me but I was too drowsy to stay awake any longer so I blacked out again.I opened my eyes and closed them in order to adjust them as the lights were blinding ,I slowly turned my head to the right and I saw the machines that were beside me then I turned to my left and met a sleeping Ayesha on the far corner on a small couch .I looked up at the ceiling and took deep breaths ,I stayed in that position until I was sure that I was fully conscious as I was about to call out to Ayesha the doctor walked in with a nurse , "You are awake," he said as he came to my side . I nodded and he smiled while he examined me , "Well you do look better and are actually better ," he added as he took my chart and wrote something .He was good looking especially with the long hair and glasses plus the dimples he had complimented his features , I cleared my throat and tried to sit up , "Take it easy Ms. Ambani ," he said as he helped me to sit up .The nurse did her check ups and left , "What happened to me ?" I asked the doctor.

"Your heart condition is getting worse and your lungs are not that strong anymore your body is receiving less oxygen and your heart is failing day by day.. tell me one thing Miss do you use your oxygen tank regularly …do you do excessive work ? and do you perhaps drink or smoke ?" he asked looking at me intently.

"So many questions doc …well I only use my tank when I feel out of breath and it's once in a while …well if dancing and working the entire day is excessive then yes ,well I do drink at times like once a month or when there is a special event and no I don't smoke ," I answered him.

"Do me a favour stop drinking ,use your tank almost everyday and stop working harder than your heart ," he said.As I was about to answer him Ayesha woke up and quickly came by my side , "You are awake thank goodness oh my god I was worried what happened ?" she asked me . "I don't know probably just my heart oh and Ayesha what did you tell the others I am sure everyone probably knows I fainted or something ," I asked her worried .

"No one except Mr. Jimin ,Mr. Kai and me know when you blacked out Jimin carried you on his back and ran with you but I met them in the passage and we brought you to the hospital I told them not to tell anyone and it was not as easy as I thought it would be we had to make excuses in order for other people not to suspect anything ," she explained .

"Thank you ,"I said .

"Well we will monitor you just for this day and then if tomorrow you still feel better then we will discharge you ," he said and left the ward.

"You totally scared me when I saw you unconscious I thought this was it ,I was so scared ," Ayesha said as a tear escaped her eye. "Oh come on Ayesha you know I am a die hard ," I said as I wiped her tear away .

"Why is this happening to you ...why all this can't you get a break!If it isn't your mom ,it was with our little iron man and then there is this ...this...this is not fair can't they give me some of it so that i can carry it for you ..I Love you Anashe and I can't stand to lose you not after everything we went through ," She said as she cried ."Ayesha it will all be over ,I love you too stop crying or else i will kick you out ,i don't do cry babies," I said pointing to the door."I am not going anywhere ."

I spent the day with her talking and laughing about past memories as we were talking Jimin walked in .

"Hello," he greeted .

"Hey Jimin what a pleasant surprise ," I said smiling .

"How are you?" he asked me .

"Well firstly come sit here I can't have my guest standing ," I said as I sat properly to give him space ,he hesitantly walked closer and sat on the bed . "Well I feel better …all okay you?" I asked looking at him .

"Good," he said .

"Uhm let me go get some nice food and snacks ," Ayesha said and walked out .We sat in silence as I did not know what to say .

"It was after Zhang's death when I discovered I had a weak heart ," I said looking at him .

I took my phone and used google translator while typing a message to him , "My Iron man had recently died and it didn't really sink in me I remember that day so well ,I was in my room staring at the wall when suddenly I felt dizzy ,nauseous accompanied by chest pains …I screamed for my dad and Ayesha and blacked out I woke up in the hospital and I over head the doctor tell my dad that I had a heart disease …No one except my dad ,Ayesha and my dearest friends knew about this well except for now that you and Kai know ," I sent the message and told him to read my message .He read it and looked at me he then typed his own message , "I am sorry to hear that I hope you get better fighting ," he typed.

"Thank you and sorry about the trouble you had to go through and for making you cry," I said .

"Cry..me??" he asked

"Yes …I heard you cried like a baby ," I texted.

"Oh yes …you were very heavy so my back was complaining ," he texted.

"I will take that as a compliment ," I texted and we looked at each other and laughed.

Behind all that sorrow there is a little ray of sunshine waiting for you to walk into it and enjoy the warmth and remember the best memories you spent with the person you loved the most.