Is This Love?

Happy Reading

Neil's eyes lifted to look at Sain's dark eyes. Neil gripped his hand tightly and said "Riksa, can we stop being friends? Can we not see each other again from now on?"

Sain comes forward grabs the shoulder and shakes Neil angrily. "What are you talking about? Who told you to do this? What's wrong, Neil?"

Neil shook his head in response to Sain's many questions. His head suddenly felt like spinning.

"Riksa, I hate you."

Neil blinked, blinked when he came back to remember it. He averted his gaze and thoughts.

Neil looked at the white whiteboard with no interest in what his teacher was explaining upfront. His eyes settled there without diverting and only blinked occasionally. His body is here, but Neil's mind has gone there and thought of many things with the word 'if'.

He thought if Neil could get a little stronger like most other guys, maybe Neil wouldn't be at this stage. If Neil had never cared about what happened to Skylar, he might not have ended up here.

Neil took a deep breath, he laid his head on the table. Pay attention to people who are busy writing in their notebooks. Maybe with time, Neil will get used to this.

It doesn't matter, how people treat him. At least Neil didn't hurt anyone. Neil will be busy minding his own business here, with no responsibility for anyone else. There is only himself.

Neil's hands are only two and it's not his job to make people happy in his real dimension. Also, maybe Neil doesn't need to be happy. He just needs to be ordinary and neutral. Keeping his sanity in place.

"Neil!" His teacher's voice echoed in Neil's head which made him get up and straighten his back then stare ahead.

"You can't sleep in Mom's class."

Neil only replied with a small nod. He then looked down at his hands that were scalded by the morning sun, and the warmth against his pale skin.

Since when did Neil start not paying attention to simple things like this?

Neil should probably eat a lot, he's skinny. His fingers were too slender and long, unsuitable for a man. His hands too, too delicate.

Neil rubbed the back of his neck as he felt the back of his head being drilled, he was convinced by a sharp gaze aimed at the back of his head. He insisted he would never look back.

"Sain, what's behind Neil's head?" Neil gasped when his name was called and was immediately juxtaposed by Sain's figure. The name made Neil's jaw clench in distaste.

Neil didn't even lift his head to respond to his teacher's words, his eyes fixed on the light shining on his slow-moving hands.

Neil didn't realize when all these people laughing around him started. Are they laughing at him? What about stupidity?

Neil gasped when the recess bell rang loudly, he quickly packed up his books to get out of class as quickly as possible. He just wanted to sit under a tree without anyone's disturbance.

He was walking his pants through the crowd of students until a voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Neil!"

Neil gasps at the call from that voice, Neil has been avoiding him since morning and he doesn't want his efforts to be in vain.

He started walking briskly until Neil himself was at a loss as to where to run.

"Neil, I said stop."

Instantly his legs stopped and Neil's body stiffened, this was the same feeling he had in the alley yesterday. Fear crawled up as Sain reached him and grabbed his chin tightly.

"Are you trying to run away from me? You'll never be able to," whispered Sain in Neil's ear. Sain pulled his face so Neil could see more clearly the smirk playing on his lips and Neil regretted trusting Sain.

Neil's lips locked when he was about to protest, he wanted to push Sain away from him after Neil knew what kind of person Sain was. Sain pulled him to a corner of the dim and lonely corridor and pressed him against the wall.

"Neil, why are you changing so fast? I don't like it at all," he said bringing his hand to caress Neil's cheek. Neil's face hardened, and his eyes flashed disapprovingly. Neil hated his every touch, he didn't like the feelings that Sain gave him at all. This is a mistake.

Then Neil felt his body move back quickly he pushed Sain's chest away from him. He looked at Sain's disapproval etched on his face, he was panting while squeezing his hand tightly. His mouth twitched and snapped at Sain angrily. "Get away from me!"

Sain shook his head, frowning disapprovingly, as he drew closer to Neil. "Neil why are, you like this?"

"Because you are Sain." Neil was unable to say any more. He wants to go.

Sain grabbed Neil's shoulder and looked at Neil demandingly. "I'm Riksa, for you. Call me Riksa."

Neil again pushed Sain away with force. His face turned red with anger. "What are you doing? Get away from me!"

Sain pressed their bodies tightly, pressing Neil's hands firmly against the wall until they were pressed against each other. Neil squirmed, trying to escape from Sain. However, in reality, it was in vain. Sain is stronger than himself.

"I hate you," Neil said again with every emphasis in his sentence.

"Don't make me mad, Neil. Until I finally do this." Sain said earnestly, carrying a feeling of fear within Neil. Then Sain continued, "Listen, you've never hated me in your life. There's only love, your whole life for me. You love me, don't you?"

Sain let go of his embrace, and Neil looked at the man standing in front of him confusedly. His cheeks felt hot when he saw the close distance between him and Sain.

"You love Me?" Sain asked bringing Neil's attention to lifting his eyes to see Sain's black eyes sparkling and those red lips that smiled.

Neil's heart was beating constantly as he looked at Sain waiting for his answer, he pulled his lower lip between his teeth.

Neil gasped when Sain's warm fingers touched his lips breaking Neil's bite on his lips. Sain's finger rubbed the surface of the lips until Sain put his finger in Neil's mouth. Neil moans and sucks it.

"I love you," Sain said softly on his neck.

Neil felt happiness welling up in his chest until it felt like many butterflies were flying from his stomach. Neil then said with pride and joy. "Me too, Riksa."

***

Neil glanced secretly at Sain, who came forward working on a math problem on the blackboard. Sain's tall and sturdy body made Neil feel a strange feeling inside him.

He had never paid attention to Sain before, but this time Neil saw his back features. Neil's cheeks turned pink as Sain turned around until their eyes locked for a few seconds. Neil immediately averted his gaze with shame spreading to every nerve ending, when Neil was caught watching Sain's figure.

He recalled what Sain said in the corridor before class started.

Is it true that the feeling he feels for Sain is love?

However, they are both men, which brings a dilemma for Neil.

He didn't know how this feeling would feel right. Sain was always there for him even though Sain was willing to kill those men for Neil.

***

"Up, Neil," Sain said surprising Neil from his lost self.

"Riksa, where?" Neil asked.

Sain answered quickly. "To my house. You've been, haven't you?"

Neil nodded in agreement, he remembered that time he ran away until his legs brought him to Sain's house

"Yeah, I did."

"So, up."

Neil followed Sain's orders, who also told him to hug him. The motorbike started to run, Neil felt a warm feeling wrap his arms around Sain's waist for a moment.

"Riksa?" called Neil from behind the sound of the wind blowing.

Sain muttered in response. "What is it?"

"Riksa, our feelings are wrong. We have to stop, even though it's very difficult for me alone."

Sain then shouted from behind only. "Then don't do it."

***

Neil enters the house with Sain standing behind him closing the door. Neil gasped as he felt a hug wrapped around his waist. Sain's head rested on Neil's shoulder, he bit his lip as Sain's lips touched the intersection of his neck and bit there.

"Riksa?" Neil's throat felt tight when he said Sain's name through the gap between his lips.

"Hmm?"

"Should we stop before it's too late?" Neil asked carefully.

"You said you love me." The smile faded on his face, and Sain's eyes drooped with obvious disappointment.

Neil quickly confirmed. "Sorry, Riksa. Open it like that. I love you, but this is wrong and perverted which means we are both gay, Rik—"

Neil didn't finish his sentence because Sain had covered Neil's lips with his. Dragging a soft object to the surface of the curve of Neil's lips made Neil have to support Sain's body because he made him weak.

Sain's head moved away breaking their kiss, Neil gasped for breath he made him suck as much air as possible into his lungs.

"I love you, and you love me. That's enough."

***

Neil was running fast when he heard screams from inside the toilet. His eyes roamed wildly looking everywhere to find the source of the sound through the toilet cubicles and found one tightly locked in the corner.

"Help!" The hoarse voice echoed from inside the booth pounding on the door as if someone else was locking it from the outside.

Neil walked closer trying to open the door with difficulty, but to no avail. "I'll open it."

"Please, no more time. Open it, I don't want to die!" That painful scream made Neil shudder he kicked the door with all his might and went into a panic. He didn't know what was going on with the other people in there who needed his help. Neil blindly continued to kick him.

Until a painful scream began to sound from there. Neil froze his eyes started to darken and his body became very light.

Thank you for reading.