Chapter 472

"Well, it's been an interesting last couple hours." Yasaka was shuffling through some papers. "This is not how I expected to spend my afternoon."

"Sorry, I didn't realize how this would affect you when I broached it with you."

"Sorry, Yasaka." Jeanne said quietly.

"None of that dear." Yasaka smiled despite looking tired. "I'm happy that you wanted to do it properly rather than just show up." She shot me a look knowing all too well that it was something I would totally do. "It's just one of those things."

"What's the verdict?" I asked.

"Well, they were oddly amicable...considering." She responded. "I have a feeling that Heaven has been clamping down harder on the Church since the meeting."

Well, it needed to happen sooner or later.

"So, Jeanne and I are allowed to go to the Vatican?" I just asked directly.

It was more so a question on my part. Could I sneak in without issue? Yeah, but I wanted Jeanne to enjoy herself as well.

"Surprisingly, they okayed your visit. Specifically citing you that you were allowed, for the day." Yasaka specified. "They even teleported over an official Document in case anyone causes problems." She held up a piece of parchment from her desk showing a seal I didn't recognize, but I assume it was someone high up.

"Huh, neat." That's cool. "So, no problems then?"

"That heavily depends on factors you have control over. Are you sure you want to head over there? I'm not particularly scared for your safety, but it's not hard to guess what will happen."

I glanced at Jeanne and smiled. "To be honest, I've wanted to visit since I was younger. You know before I found out I was a devil. It sort of fell by the wayside, but I wanted to travel the world. I finally got to see Rome and the Coliseum once I got Scáthach back. And despite what happened there, I felt like I was fulfilling a cherished dream of mine. Even better if Jeanne feels the same way."

It sounds kind of silly to say when I can travel literal worlds that I would be so excited for something so mundane, but I used to daydream about stuff like this when I was having hard times when I was younger and by myself.

"I've always wanted to visit!" Jeanne smiled brightly. "Ever since I was a little girl and sat in church and they told us about it, I always wanted to visit the Vatican, see the Pope, see all the special places!"

And seeing Jeanne happy, making her happy, was something I would do whatever I could to achieve.

"Well, how could I possibly dissuade you when you say something like that." Yasaka said with a warm expression. "I suppose I don't need to tell you to behave?"

"I'll be good." I said immediately.

"That's what I'm worried about." Yasaka deadpanned.

"I'll make sure he doesn't get into trouble"! Jeanne puffed up her chest confidently.

"….Well, it's the thought that counts." Yasaka muttered. "But Vasco Strada is someone I have a certain amount of trust in. His character is well known to most factions and since he is involved, nothing bad should happen."

Right, nothing bad at all.

[Yup, absolutely nothing bad about the Son of the Devil visiting the capital of the Church.] Ddraig added.

{Don't encourage him, Ddraig} My Zanpakutō chimed in.

"They gave a list of…..rules, that they hoped you would abide by. Just skimming it, the most obvious is no using Magic or anything else flippantly even in front of people who know about that sort of thing. Or atleast keep it to a necessary minimum. They do utilize Teleportation Circles in some places, so it's not like they're going to kick up too much of a fuss. Second, no….well, to put it blunt, no advocating sin or other religions."

"Damn, there goes my master plan of converting everyone to worshiping Meridia's legs." I snapped my fingers.

Yasaka threw a balled up piece of paper at me. "You know darn well what I mean, they mean. Also they explicitly banned Evil Pieces from the entirety of the City and they are very forward about killing anyone who is revealed to have them on their person if found out. Not that this applies to you, but figured I'd give you a warning in case anyone questions you about it."

"Well, we share the same sentiment then. I have no love for those things at all." Even if Venelana found use for one to reincarnate Mozart, I still thought they're an abomination.

Yasaka held up the paper. "No stealing souls, no stealing…..oh my, they have specifically requested that after the last….incident, that you will not attempt to steal the Sistine Chapel. There's a note here indicating that this is not a joke and it was attempted once before….."

"W-who would want to steal the Sistine Chapel!?" Jeanne's eyes widened.

"Well, admittedly…" I raised my hand.

I would totally steal it if I could.

"No stealing the Sistine Chapel!" Jeanne pouted.

"I promise I won't steal the Sistine Chapel." Add that to the list of phrases I never thought I would say in seriousness.

"Honestly, most of this is just to respect the culture there and have common sense. Oh, and not revealing your Devil features even to the people who know about Devils. That's a big one they requested." Yasaka stated.

"Sounds easy enough." I chirped. "Do we have like…a time table, places we should be, places that are off limits?"

"The obvious in the off limits aspect. But otherwise, Father Vasco Strada is giving a sermon in St. Peter's Basilica while you're there. You're welcome to drop in as long as you don't cause a commotion. The people there will be warned ahead of time, so you don't have to worry."

"St. Peter's Basilica!" Jeanne's eyes widened. "Will we go see it?"

"Of course, whatever you want." I just chuckled. "I wouldn't mind either, there is a lot of history and beautiful art all throughout the Vatican."

I stood up, clapping my hands. "Alright, anything else? Any last minute foreboding warning?"

"That about covers it." Yasaka stood up too, grabbing that particular parchment and basically pushed it into my hands. " Behave yourself." She kissed my forehead. "To a reasonable degree, no one's allowed to run rough over you but us."

"I honestly have no plans to cause any trouble."

"And that worries me for some reason." She said humorously. "Jeanne, I hope you have fun."

"I will, thank you so much!" Jeanne shot forward, wrapping up Yasaka in a big hug.

My fluffy fox accepted it with a chuckle. "Alright, go have fun on your date."

"Neh!?" Jeanne immediately squeaked. "I-it's not—!"

Cute.

And the Parchment had the coordinates for the Teleportation Circle to connect to, well, a Teleportation circle won't work on me, so Magic it was.

"Let's go!" I grabbed Jeanne's hand and opened a portal without a second thought.

[***]

Jeanne and I both took in the immediate sight. A round cathedral-like building if the walls were any indication. There were beautiful white pillars supporting the ceiling, and there were numerous painted glass murals. The Stained Glass windows depicted scenes from the Bible as they progressed around the top of the rotunda.

Interesting enough, this place was also heavily fortified. I knew that the Church had their own means of combating things like Magic and Teleportation, but I hadn't much delved into them.

It seems like the Stained Glass Windows were acting in accordance with a Ritual that made use of the entire building to suppress this area.

There were about a Dozen different Teleportation Circles around us and I assumed this was the Hub to teleport to and from the Vatican in a public capacity.

"Ahem." Someone very clearly cleared their throat to grab out attention.

Both Jeanne and I were acting very much like tourists, just standing there and admiring the view. Honestly, I think both of us were completely oblivious to the stares of the few dozen people in this massive building.

A man wearing a priest uniform, older in age, full white hair and slightly hunched over, walked towards us slowly with measured steps. Though I didn't doubt for a moment that he would throw a fist if the situation called for it.

Ever so slightly, I could see the muscles he was hiding under his sleeve, and the years of training that it must have taken a man his age to retain that kind of shape.

"Am I supposed to show you this?" I held up the paper that Yasaka gave me, which was basically acting as our supernatural Passport.

The man eyed me for a moment, before taking out a pair of glasses and reading over it.

He was sort of aggressive as he pushed it back into my hands, adjusting his glasses to clean them off with a handkerchief. "Everything is in order. Welcome to the Vatican." He sounded, not to pleased when addressing me, but he then turned to Jeanne. "Please enjoy your time, Saintess of Orleans, we welcome you with open arms." He smiled grandfatherly towards her.

"Thank you very much, I will!" Jeanne smiled happily.

Right, I wanted to say something snarky, but I didn't want to ruin Jeanne's….was this a vacation?

Well, regardless, I would keep my mouth shut for Jeanne's sake.

However, at the mention of Jeanne's identity, the building was flooded with whispers as everything very clearly knew who she was.

I guess news travels fast, especially when they have a living Saintess appear on their doorstep.

The priest didn't make things hard for us, probably because of Jeanne's presence. Hell, I knew for a fact I wouldn't have been so welcomed if Jeanne wasn't accompanying me, or the other way around.

It was Jeanne who basically grabbed my arm now, leading me through the building to where the signs pointed to the exit.

"Where to first!?" Jeanne asked excitedly.

"If I say the Sistine Chapel, would you believe me if it was for innocent admiration?"

"No stealing the Sistine Chapel!" She puffed up.

"I promised I wouldn't! But seriously, I want to see it in person, you can't come to the Vatican and not see it at least once in your life." Sure, it wasn't the most magnificent art ever painted, but it was done by Michelangelo and was worth a visit at a minimum if we were here.

And I was nothing if not appreciative of the arts and famous artists.

I made a mental note of where this little 'hub' was located based on the surroundings as Jeanne pulled me towards the crowds of people.

"Look, look, it's St. Peter's Basilica!" Jeanne tugged on me, pointing at a building across the city that we could barely make out.

She was so excited and it was fun to watch, enough that I almost didn't notice that we were immediately being followed.

I mean, it was obvious in hindsight, but I didn't particularly like it.

Oh well, we were guests here despite my dislike of the 'owners'.

Honestly, I didn't overly care, I was here to enjoy the history of this place. Lots to see, plenty of historical sights and museums to peruse.

Thankfully, we were only a few blocks away from our first stop.

There was a bit of a crowd lined up and I may or may not have cheated slightly to get us through via some magical means.

It's not like I was flaunting it openly, a little sleight of hand, and they didn't even notice us pass through the entrance!

Was it a beautiful sight? Absolutely, I would acknowledge the artistic value despite my own status as a Half-Devil.

But Jeanne, she was in awe.

"Wilhelm look, it's depicting God creating the world. And the Sun and the moon…" She trailed off, pointing at one in particular. "And it's Noah over there. And, and that one's showing him creating the beginning!" She was smiling so brightly that I was honestly taken back by how genuine her glee was.

"It's beautiful." Jeanne said softly. "Don't you think so?"

"They're wonderful works of art." I agreed.

"You don't sound like you like them." She pouted. "You don't have to like them just because I do."

I took her hand. "I admire the artwork, I truly do. They are genuine masterpieces and I can honestly say I have no regrets about spending the time and effort to come here to see them in person. I'm just not going to be moved when I have a wonderful woman next to me who's smile eclipses them every time it appears."

"Ah?" She blinked, turning a shade of red. "Neh!? D-don't say something like that so seriously!" She puffed up cutely. "Meanie…" She said quietly.

"What makes this occasion special is that I get to spend it with you." I smiled towards her.

"Neh!? Eh….." Her eyes darted around. "Look, it's the picture of God creating Adam!" She quickly changed the subject despite her reddening face.

"Do you think God is buff?"

"Wah!?"

"Like, ripped. Jacked. Lots of muscles, you know?"

"I never thought about it?" Jeanne tilted her head.

"Considering it's said that Humans were created in his image, yeah? Wouldn't that imply that Big G is the 'perfect' representation of the ideal 'human' or something along those lines. Thus, jacked Big G." The Church of Swole was real.

Jeanne blanked for a moment. "Stop teasing me!" She pouted.

Thankfully, there weren't very many people in our immediate vicinity, most were happy to just look and move one.

While no one was looking, and especially Jeanne, I magically levitated a big fake mustache to the ceiling and attached it to the picture of Big G as he was reaching out towards Adams.

Obviously, I did so without harming the painting in any way. But someone's going to notice, and then they're going to question how it happened.

Or maybe they'll take it as divine providence to grow their own mustaches?

[Now draw a dick on it.] Ddraig ordered.

{Do not ruin the centuries old artistic masterpiece for a childish prank.} My Zanpakutō retorted.

I'm not going to ruin it, Ddraig.

[You're no fun.] I felt Ddraig pout in the back of my mind.

Yeah, he wasn't really happy with anything Heaven related still.

"Want to look a bit longer or do you want to go to the next place?" I asked.

Jeanne just had a gentle look about her as she took everything in. "I…..wish I could just look at it forever, but I feel like it would ruin the impact of it. I'm glad I saw everything and maybe I'll come back and see it again, but we should go to the next thing!" She paused. "Um….where to next?"

"We could always knock out the reason we're here in the first place?" Might have been wiser to do that first, but I also wanted to see the Sistine Chapel in person as well. "St. Peter's Basilica is also a worthwhile tour."

"That sounds great!" Jeanne smiled. "Let's go!"

She grabbed me, pulling me towards the exit.

With how excited she was, I didn't have the heart to ask her if she knew where she was going.

[***]

"You know, we could have asked for directions." I pointed out.

"Ah…..I thought I could find it." She blushed slightly, after taking a very roundabout way around the city and going the wrong way a few times, we finally found the Cathedral. "But it's okay, we're here now!"

"It's closed, it seems." I hummed.

Usually, there would be lines of people to tour the place, but at this moment, the outside was sort of empty bar with a few people trying to go in only to be blocked by some Vatican people.

Wait, were those exorcists? I think I saw the hilt of one of their fake lightsabers when he pointed off into the distance.

Yasaka did mention that they're holding a sermon inside today, maybe it's specifically for people aware of the supernatural?

As a few tourists were turned away we approached and I immediately held up the paper I was given to them.

It only took a moment for one of the Exorcists to realize what he was looking at as he looked at me, then at Jeanne and his expression turned to one of reverence.

"Please enjoy the sermon, Saintess." He bowed politely to her, moving to the side and gesturing for her to go.

And I was completely ignored…..again par for the course.

Better than them trying to swing those knock off light sabers at me I supposed.

The halls were massive and ornate and ostentatious. They were wonderfully artistic in nature and just seeing them in person made the trip worth it again.

So much detail into simple wall decorations and engravings.

"This is actually the new Basilica." I spoke up as Jeanne wondered at the sights. "The original was built in the early 300's by Emperor Constantine and it was later destroyed. This one was built ontop of it and if I'm not mistaken, St. Peter's tomb was below it originally?" My knowledge was vague at best.

"It's so….stunning. I can't believe this could be created by people. I know it's not the biggest building in the world, but it's just so...encompassing. I could never imagine something like this back home. Even the rare times I visited the French Palace…..it doesn't even compare." She gently touched one of the stone pillars, covered in engravings and decorations.

Very quickly we could hear the echos of preaching coming from further down as the sounds bounced around this massive building.

Jeanne and I both poked our heads around the corner to see dozens of pews lined up, mostly full of kids. Perhaps just over Kunou's age from a glance? But all of them seemed to be wearing that same exorcist attire, slightly different, perhaps to indicate they're still in training?

There were a few figures at the front. Most notably was Father Swole himself to the left, an older Priest in the center at the podium speaking, and another Priest to his right.

I would imagine that they were all involved for whatever it was they were doing.

Father Swole, however, seemed to notice us. Even as I cast a small illusion to obscure us as to not interrupt the sermon. I didn't think they'd mind all too much since it was to be polite.

Jeanne noticed and didn't say anything, so that was a good indication that I was in the clear. We silently moved to the back with some open seats and slid into the pew.

However, comically, Vasco Strada, with his towering frame, leaned over and whispered something into the ear of the Priest standing in the podium.

The Priest seemed to nod. "Let us end today's sermon here. Let us spend our evening in prayer and contemplation. A relationship with God is not created from whims and fanciful readings of his scripture. When you all leave, I want you all to think of questions for God and pray on them before bed. As for me, I am but a Mortal Man but I will answer any questions to the best of my ability as well." He smiled warmly to the group of Exorcists in training.

You know, there was something I was genuinely curious about, and it was the perfect time to ask.

I raised my hand almost immediately.

"Yes, you in the back." The Priest was….well, he looked mostly normal, and it seemed like he didn't see through the illusion like Father Swole did.

"Can Angels have children?" I asked.

The Priest seemed taken back by my sudden question but he recovered quickly. "Through the Lord's blessings, even Angels may bring life into the world." He answered smoothly despite the perhaps awkward nature of the question.

I raised my hand again. "I have a follow up question." I said, with most of the eyes turned on me at this point.

"Yes, My child?"

"Do Angels lay eggs?"

The Priest opened his mouth, as if to respond then abruptly stopped as if unsure of how to respond.

"They have wings like birds, right? Are they Mammals? Or are they Avian? Do they lay eggs?" I clarified my question, perhaps he was confused so I wanted to be more specific.

"Father Gerardo, do Angels lay eggs!?" Another kid asked, seemingly latching onto it.

"No way, Angels lay eggs?"

"Does it hurt?"

"Do Angels poop?"

Well, it seemed I opened the flood gate.

Jeanne looked at me, puffing up silently.

But I was proud of myself.

"Children." Vasco Strada took over for the poor priest. "Let us keep the questions focused on the sermon. If you have any additional questions, I will gladly answer them later."

"Awww." Seemed to be the collective response.

"We have guests, let us show them our best behavior as befitting the Lord's follows." Father Swole smiled, gesturing to us and my illusion broke.

Both Jeanne and I became the center of attention rather quickly.

I admit, I didn't expect Father Swole to reveal us like this, I'd have thought he would want to keep it a bit under wraps.

"We have a rare treat for you all. Two guests from outside our Hallowed walls, but not strangers to our teachings, with both having their own unique circumstances. "If you would be willing, could you say a few words? These children have not left the city before, they are still ignorant of the world."

"Are….you sure?" I could understand Jeanne, but me?

Father Swole nodded with a warm smile. "I believe there are many things that we can learn by being able to communicate with each other."

The other Priests with him seemed…hesitant? They most likely recognized myself and Jeanne almost immediately.

"If that's what you want…." Well I suppose it couldn't hurt. "Jeanne?"

She was a little more…shy but she nodded as I offered my hand to her and helped her up. They all looked at us as we walked up to the front where Father Swole was.

"I'm happy that you came. Have you enjoyed your visit?" He asked, particular to us both.

"I did, it was wonderful so far! I can't wait to see everything else in the city." Jeanne beamed.

Vasco Strada chuckled. "Thank you for taking the time to visit. Would you like to introduce yourself?"

"A-alright." Jeanne nodded, standing at the podium. "Um….hello everyone." The kids just stared silently at her. "I'm Jeanne D'Arc."

One kid raised his hand. "Like the Saintess of Orleans? Are you named after her?"

"Actually….that is me." She smiled a little shyly, it was cute.

"Are you an angel?"

"I-I'm not an Angel." Jeanne laughed lightly.

"Did you come back like Jesus?"

"Um…no, my situation is different." Jeanne shook her head.

"Did God send you back? What's heaven like? Did you meet him!?"

"Ah, well, I shouldn't talk about things like that." Jeanne shook her head, avoiding that question considering she was a Heroic Spirit. "Some questions, you should answer on your own." She smiled.

"That's lame."

"Ah?"

"Can you eat the clouds in Heaven?"

"W-why would you want to eat clouds?"

"Are they made of cotton candy?"

"W-well, it's…Heaven?" Jeanne seemed unsure of what to say.

"Awesome, Heaven is made of Cotton Candy!"

"Eh?"

"W-Will." Jeanne looked at me, pleading.

She can handle commanding troops, fighting in wars, leading armies, but a bunch of modern kids ran over her.

I swapped with her after the look she gave me. I cleared my throat to get a bit of quiet.

Unlike Jeanne, I knew how to handle kids like these.

"Hello everyone, my name is Wilhelm Henry Schweinorg. I'm a Half-Devil."

A bullet made of Holy Power whizzed by my face as the vast majority of the kids in the pews were up on their feet, holding those Holy Sword Light sabers of theirs, along with their Holy Guns pointed at me.

[You were saying?]

@***@

Non-Canon Omake: Secret weapon.

The final battle was upon us.

Soul Society versus Aizen and his Hollows.

The air was thick with killing intent as all side stared each other down.

I of course was standing at the center.

"Your tricks won't work this time." Aizen stated, seemingly still miffed about our last encounter.

"Are you still mad that I stole your marble?"

"It's called the Hogyoku!" He hissed, his Reiatsu spiking and his eyes turned a familiar shade of black and yellow for an instant.

"….so is that a yes?"

He twitched. "I will enjoy pulling it out of you."

"Well, I'll enjoy you pulling it out of me!" Hah, take that.

"….."

"You had to make it weird, didn't you?" Yoruichi hopped up onto my head.

Aizen just seethed further. "It's a simple matter of ripping your tongue out, then I won't be forced to listen to your nonsensical drabble any longer."

"It's okay, I know sign language."

He twitched a little again.

He seemed really pissed off for some reason.

"Hey Strawberry, Aizen seems really pissed off for some reason. Did you do something?" I shouted.

"Fuck off!" He shouted back.

Right, it was probably Ichigo's fault.

"Enough of this nonsense! I'll take back what belongs to me, then take my rightful throne after dealing with the soul King." Aizen swiped his hand through the air all but growling. "I have an army of Arrancar, Hollows that vastly outsripe even your Captains! What do you have!?"

"I….have a secret weapon." I smiled.

Aizen paused and his eyes narrowed. "Hmph, it matters not. Infront of absolute strength, all tricks are meaningless."

"Then behold!" I declared, ignoring him, pulling out my most powerful and secretive of weapons.

"…..seriously?" Yoruichi asked.

"What?" I looked at her.

"Is this a joke to you!?" Aizen roared.

"No, I'm taking this very seriously" I said as the massive purple dildo in my hands flopped back and forth. "I once destroyed an aircraft with this thing. But you're right, this calls for extreme measures!" I admit, that was only my second most powerful and secretive weapon. "Behold, my true secret weapon!"

"….a plastic gun?" Yoruichi deadpanned.

"Actually, it's a genderbender gun." I stated.

Azazel's Gender Bender Gun to be precise.

"….I don't believe you."

I shot it at Aizen, who presumably also didn't believe me as he didn't bother to dodge.

It hits him and his glowed and changed before our eyes as a collective silence permeated both side of the battlefield. Aizen's Hollows were stunned to silence as their battle lust all but faded. The Shinigami stared wide-eyed and utterly confused at what they were seeing.

"What –" Aizen was about to say something then stopped, looking at at…himself? "My voice my hands my...what are these protrusions on my chest."

"….."

"Oh god, he's hot!" Was that Shunsui?

"How the hell was that supposed to be a secret weapon?" Ichigo shouted. "Nothing changed except he has boobs now!"

"I see your point, and let me offer a rebuttal." I looked at him and without warning, shot him as well.

"….how exactly is this supposed to defeat Aizen and his army of hollows?" Yoruichi asked/hissed.

"Defeat who and what now?"

 "…..Shoot Mayuri next."

I knew there was a reason we were friends.

[***]

A/N If you want to read 10 chapters ahead or support me, visit my p.a.t.r.e.o.n.c.o.m / astoryforone