CHAPTER 93

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After forcing Thor, Fandral, Volstagg, and Hogun to clean up my house after they had trashed it with their sudden visit, I took them on a tour of New York, after I explained some basic human customs to them.

No breaking things because you like them.

No picking fights with humans, especially considering you can slap them to death.

No violence in general unless I give the green light. 

After that crash course in human etiquette, where Thor pouted because according to him I was taking away everything he liked, we went out to party.

At the first bar we visited, Thor and Volstagg drank so much that I had to pay with a cashier's check to the bar, after that I took them skiing. Surprisingly Volstagg proved to be pretty good at it, almost as good as Bucky at skiing, which surprised me because of his physical build.

"This is awesome! Snow, without frost giants!" Thor exclaimed with a grin throwing his arms in the air.

"It's beautiful!" Volstagg stated, doing a triple-double flip in the air and then landing majestically on the snow.

"Loki doesn't know what he's missing!" Fandral said, trying in vain to ski, in part his poor skills reminded me of me when I first came to these mountains, to be humiliated by Bucky and his majestic show.

The party continued, with me taking the four Asgardians to the desert to ski there, of course, Thor seeing no one around decided to challenge me to a duel to commemorate the occasion.

I accepted.

In this duel unlike the first, Thor offered not to use his weapon, and I with a desire for vengeance, allowed him to fight without his hammer.

To make the story short, I won.

There wasn't much to tell, I simply punched the God of Thunder in the nuts with a [Focused strike], the kicked his ass into a sandstorm that was coming our way, and waited on besides the warrior three, with a beer at hand, by the time he came back to his senses after his Asgardian nuts had healed from the nut-cracking blast, he cursed my infallible tactic in a high-pitched tone.

Which in turn made everyone laugh.

"I will have my revenge!" Thor declared, sounding like Alvin from the chipmunks.

"All is fair in war and love," I chuckled.

"Fair enough," Thor muttered, "Now give me a red thingy, or I shall tell Sif you said she was a weak warrior!"

Well, that was a rather specific threat, one that was somewhat effective.

"Fine, for what it's worth, I apologize for the nut punch," I smiled, handing him an HP POTION.

Drinking the pot like it was the best thing in the world, Thor sighed, and with an evil smirk said, "I forgive you," it was here when I realized, his hand was extended, meaning he was calling his hammer, fuck. "Revenge!" and with a battle cry, he blasted me into the sandstorm, with an electrifying nut-destroying attack.

"FUCK YOU!!!!" I cried as the storm pulled me in.

"FEEL MY PAIN! FEEL THEIR PAIN!" Thor shouted back.

Ten minutes later, and a few potions to make sure everything was fine down there, Thor and I made a blood agreement to never attack each other's nuts, and so the nut treaty of peace came into existance.

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[Volstagg POV]

After the treaty was signed, Thor and Alex left to fight, this time avoiding their private parts, as it was stated in the treaty.

"So that was something," Hogun muttered.

"I am glad they didn't target us, one attack down there from either one of them is enough to turn us into valkyries," Fandral muttered back in terror.

"So now what?" I asked the guys.

"We fight each other?" Fandral suggested.

"Sounds like a good way to burn some time," Hogun nodded, but before we could start, Thor and Alex landed in front of us, both covered in blood and bruises, Alex more than Thors, however unlike Thor's Alex's injuries were healing rapidly.

"Thor and I were discussing," Alex began with a smile.

"And we thought," Thor nodded.

"That you guys needed some training," Alex grinned, cracking his knuckles.

"So, do you want the first punch, my brother?" Thor asked Alex with a small bow, while we all started to sweat, they wanted to fight us, that was not fair, one of them against us was overkill, but TWO! I AM NOT DRUNK ENOUGH FOR THIS!

"I couldn't possibly do that, you must take the first punch or hammer strike," Alex bowed in kind with a terrifying smile.

"No no, I insist, you go first, punch Fandral, he has a punchable face or so says Sif," Thor smiled.

"LET'S RUN BEFORE THEY DECIDE WHO GETS TO KICK OUR ASS FIRST!" Fandral hissed, darting out of sight.

"I will stay," Hogun sighed with a defeated look, as Thor and Alex continued to fight over who would kick our asses first.

"But Hogun!" Such sacrifice, why!?

"Delaying the inevitable is a foolish endeavor, I shall accept my destiny, for that is the way of the warrior," Hogun stated, grabbing his weapons, he was an honorable warrior, but a stupid one, which is why I ran after Fandral.

Catching up to Fandral took me roughly a few minutes, for he was hiding in a cave.

"I am safe here, this is my new life," Fandral repeated over and over again.

When all of the sudden, a flying projectile entered the cave, the projectile was no other than Hogun.

"I made a terrible mistake, I am now reconsidering the way of the warrior…" Hogun muttered in a weak voice before he passed out.

"AHHHHH!" Fandral screamed like a girl pointing behind me.

"What in! AHHH!" I joined in his screams.

"Here's is Thor!" Thor greeted us with a smile, "Alex said that was a human funny reference, so how was it?" 

"Funny?" I answered with uncertainty.

"It was hilarious Thor," I heard Alex chuckle as he came into view.

"Well, I am a God, meaning I excel at everything," Thor nodded with a proud smile, as Fandral tried to dig his way out of the cave.

"So, it's my turn, right?" Alex asked, cracking his neck.

"Indeed," Thor nodded.

"Please not the face, EVERYTHING BUT THE FACE!" Fandral shouted, and so, our party in Midgard turned into a training session with two overpowered maniacs, in the end, Hogun was right, we ran for nothing.