Talabani called back a few days later, "We can ensure lasting peace in Kurdistan."
"Oho and how will you do that exactly? You don't even control all the Kurds now. And to be honest once I win the war I can simply lock up you and your fellow leaders up, disarm all cadres and completely defang the region," I replied sarcastically.
Talabani was quiet. "Try again," I told him.
He called again a few days later sounding defeated. "I...I don't have anything to offer."
"That is the correct answer Mr. Talabani. And now we are both in the right frame of mind to work together on an agreement," I replied.
"I'm sorry?" he asked sounding confused.
"Dont be. I needed to speed up the process of cutting through all the bullshit posturing. I like to negotiate from a position of honesty and frank assessment of the status. And the status is that the ball, both goals and the referee are in my possession. All you have it chutzpah and that is also fast depleting."
"So you'll make me beg is that it?" he asked bitterly.
"Not at all sir. I do want lasting peace. But I want you to understand that anything that goes in the agreement which makes you happy is a concession from my side, not something you have won. Otherwise this whole exercise is pointless. Approach this as a petitioner and not an adversary and you'll walk away very happy."
There was silence on the other end for some time followed by, " So shall we begin?"
"Let's."
(Break)
"So tell me Mr. Talabani, what would make the Kurds stop being so aggressive all the time?" I asked.
"Independence," he replied instantly.
"Hmmm....I think you know that cant happen."
"And why not?" he asked testily.
"Well firstly, giving you independence would set a precedent for other communities to demand independence. Secondly, you've shown yourselves to be too close to Iran for my comfort. There is now way for me to prevent an independent Kurdistan becoming an Iranian puppet. And lastly, I genuinely believe that the political end goal for humanity should be unity not disintegration."
"Well you asked me what would make us happy. And I gave you my answer."
"Okay let's take another approach. Why do the Kurds want independence?"
He laughed, "Are you joking? Where do I start?"
"Start wherever you want."
He sounded surprised but then he cleared his throat and then said, "Okay well, Kurds should govern Kurds."
"Well the Erbil Governorate is and for a long time has been headed by Kurds," I replied.
"Yes but they have no real power!"
"Power to do what?"
"Let's see. The revenues from the oil in our land. Most of it was taken by the Baathists and used to improve Sunni areas. You did it yourself in fact!"
I couldn't deny that. Pre-me Saddam had in fact done that. "But in most countries around the world, the rich regions fund the poorer regions. Otherwise it doesnt work."
"Well we're hardly richer are we! You took from the poor and gave to the less poor."
"Well theres no way a natural resource like oil can be given solely to the region it was taken from. That doesnt happen anywhere. It makes no sense. Even if you became independent, you would use the oil from the oilfield regions to develop the regions with no oil fields. This argument would continue to ad infinitum."
"Well," he said after a while, "at least the people who work in the Kurdish oil fields should be Kurds."
"I can agree to that," I replied. "I mean that's what's happening anyway. Except for the Spine of Iraq project, all other major resources based companies in the country have been instructed to give first preference to locals."
"It would be need to be written in the agreement."
"Sure," I replied.
"A region including Kirkuk," he said quickly.
"Absolutely not," I replied with a hint of anger. "I advise you again Mr. Talabani dont test my patience. I can simply end this call and continue to defeat you on the ground. The discussion after Erbil is rubble would be very different I assure you."
"Okay...then just within the Erbil Governorate."
"Hmmm."
"Sir we would also need some assurance of the oil revenue being used for Kurds," he continued sounding meeker.
"Hmmmm, I suppose what I can agree to is that whatever share of the national budget is set aside for the Governorates will be allocated based on proportion of population rather than based on discretion. That would put all Iraqi citizens on an equal footing."
"That...sounds fair," he said sounding surprised. "Although it would need to be in writing."
"Okay what else?"
"Policing. Governance also means that the policing should be done by Kurds."
"I cant agree to that Mr. Talabani. I am introducing a meritocracy in this country and that means no reserved spots based on identity. The state will only be represented by the best of the best."
"Sir...with respect, this will almost certainly become a potential time bomb for the next insurrection. Theres too much bad blood."
"No, it doesn't serve the overall agenda," I replied.
"Sir..."
"What I can do however," I continued interrupting him in the process, "is ensure that the Chief of Police for the Governorate is a Kurd. That would mean that any junior policeman who steps out of line would have his career in the hands of a Kurd."
"I dont agree that that is the best option sir, but its workable," he said.
And we went on and on. We went through each of his points. We talked about defence (a Kurdish militia would NOT be given command of the border with Iran) and education (a Governorate subject but schools running on the national curriculum would be made available to students but the curriculum would also offer Kurdish as a language of instruction).
We had spent three hours on the phone when he finally said he had nothing more to add.
"I must say Your Excellency, I...had preconceived notions of how this call would go. I was hopeful of a surprise...but this has been extraordinary," he told me sounding chipper yet tired.
"Well Mr. Talabani, until now it's been the sops I've been giving you. Now we come to what I want."
He was quiet, clearly he had forgotten that this wasnt a negotiation.
"All Kurdish soldiers, fighters, militia will surrender their arms to the Iraqi Army within a month of the date that this agreement is signed. Any Kurd found possessing arms after that period without authorisation from the Iraqi Government will be arrested and tried under terrorism laws with the death penalty on the table."
"Sir I..."
"I would advise you to shut up Mr. Talabani," I said firmly. "These are non negotiable and you do not want to piss me off."
"Kurdish fighters who surrender will be granted immunity for all previous attacks on the Sovereign state of Iraq...except for those involved in the planning and execution of the attack on Kirkuk."
He was quiet then until he spoke in a near whisper, "Sir...the ones who planned that attack were on Burzanis side. You've been very frank and approachable during this...discussion so I'll be honest with you. Even if I manage to build consensus around this Agreement which is by no means assured, Barzani will simply proffer up some patsies for the crime."
"I'm aware of that Mr. Talabani," I replied. "And that is why we wont simply accept whoever you give us. No sir. The Agreement will be contingent on the Kurds conducting a thorough investigation into that act of terrorism identifying all perpetrators including the planners, gathering the evidence and finally prosecuting the case successfully before the Supreme Court."
"Sir I...I....sir how....I dont think..." he floundered.
"Mr. Talabani, nothing worth doing is easy. This peace and reconciliation needs to work both ways. It was an unprovoked attack that killed civilians and threatened the heath and wellbeing of an entire city. Justice demands action. So mull it over. If you think you have any other options you're welcome to try them. But I'm telling you, it's either this agreement or we come down very very hard on all of you."