15 Keep trying

[What is this?]

It was the first word that came out of Ernesto's mind once he opened his eyes.

He had been dying and returning to the past multiple times, but this is his first time waking up in a different place after dying.

He looked around, and all he could see was water.

He was breathing underwater. There was a dim light above him. Nothing else but him and the water.

He tried to swim upward, but he was not moving into his place, no matter how many times he swung his hands and feet.

[Did I use all my lives?]

He gave up and just let himself be surrounded by water.

[Why am I breathing though?]

He can feel the cool water and breathe fine. He then heard a familiar voice.

"Child, it's been a long time."

"Wh — blurrghhfdhgdh,"

He instantly covered his mouth with his hands when the water got into his mouth as he tried to speak.

The voices of the women chuckled.

"You can respond with your mind,"

[You should have said so!]

It was the pining goddess who blessed him and has been watching over him.

The last time he and the goddess talked was during his first regression. That was more than a hundred years ago, and until now, even though he already knew what his blessings were, he never came to talk to her or used the blessing itself. He outright denied the goddess, but at the same time, he was grateful to her because she never stopped watching over him.

"Well, my child, you need to stop playing around."

[When did I fool around?]

Ernesto felt like the voice was coming from the dim light, so he tilted his body and focused his gaze on it.

"Child, you've been dying multiple times. Aren't you tired?"

He suddenly wondered if the gods would notice him whenever he turned back time. If so, why was this goddess the only one bothering him?

"The other gods don't know yet. " The goddess read his mind and responded to his comment. Ernesto brushed his head. [Why do I always forget that you can read my mind?]

The goddess chuckled once more.

"The more I watch you, the more I love your existence."

[My what?]

"Anyway, I am here to stop your regression."

[Why? You can kill me or whatever! However, don't stop me yet! I am not done yet!]

"Child, it's his destiny to die young. You just have to give up."

Ernesto clenched his fist as he refused to give up.

"He just can't remember, but isn't it pitiful that he's been dying differently every time you regress? You've seen enough. Please rest and have this last life for yourself."

[For myself?]

Ernesto repeated what the goddess said and wanted to laugh loudly at her idea, but the water would drown him.

"I'll just give you this one last life. Please, please, just use this for yourself."

[What? How can I?]

"And I am warning you, if you use another life after this, all the other gods will know."

[Then this isn't the last time]

"No, think of it as the last. It would be tragic for you and your friend if the other gods set their eyes on you. I can send your soul to a better place if you take this one life for yourself."

[Better place? Does that place exist?]

"Of course! So stop obsessing over your friend! Once the other gods notice your regression, they will not sit still! It'll be harder for your friend to live this current life and his next life!"

[Wait, what? What did I do wrong? I just want my friend to have a long, happy life! Why can't you just grant that, and I'll stop!]

"My brothers and I don't hold the most power. We are here to bless and watch over."

[Why the hell not?]

"Child, it's weird for me to explain this to you, but there is also one above us."

[Are you a lower god?]

"Haha! No child, I am not. There is just one above us."

Ernesto tilted his head. He felt like the gods were competing over something, but he could not think of what it was.

"Child, I have warned you. Please stop."

The voice of the pining goddess sounded remorseful as it faded away.

"Please have this life for yourself,"

[Ha! for myself]

Ernesto scoffed at the thought of him living for himself.

[How do I even do that?]

Ernesto stared at the dim light for some time, as the goddess's voice was now gone.

He was about to move again to swim up, but he suddenly felt something pulling him downward, and the air that was keeping him breathing underwater suddenly disappeared.

The dim light got farther and farther away. 

Ernesto looked down, and the darkness he saw made him panic, as he was dragged down even more. He struggled to get out of its grip, losing more precious air. His chest was hurting badly, and he could feel his heartbeat beat louder and louder.

Ernesto desperately needed air. He kicked and tried to get to the surface, but there was no luck. Everything hurt, and his chest felt like someone had stabbed him. Then, with his last strength, he kicked once more.

His body did not hurt anymore. He would not make it, and he knew it. He was calm now. He thought about the goddess.

[Is she a sadist?]

The goddess was sending him back to life while he was drowning.

He had already experienced death because of drowning. He expected he wouldn't be affected much if he experienced it again.

but....

"Damn. Why is every death painful?"

He has already experienced death, pain, and despair, but he will never get used to them.

He smiled.

Then everything went black.