Chapter 42: Rushing to You

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November 11, 2019.

"A C-Section?" Jimin's eyes widened. Hands automatically held down the bump when hearing the doctor's recommendation. He needed to have a cesarean delivery because there was a risk for the baby and him if he were to have a natural one. "Yes, we need to schedule one. You're already at forty weeks." Doctor Yoo, his obstetrician (Doctor Shin had recommended him) read his file while he sat on the couch of his apartment, completely forbidden to move much. There was a nurse accompanying him (also his secretary).

"Have you began feeling the Braxton Hicks yet?" Jimin slowly nodded. They came and go, though they weren't as bad as the ones he was feeling lately. "Hee-Ae, Check my schedule and see at what times I'm free starting from tomorrow and next week." The doctor ordered and the nurse began tapping an ipad on her hand while he pointed back his attention to the writer. "Have you timed each contraction? I suspect you may be going into labor this week."

Jimin panted and scrunched his nose, his tows curled and he fisted his hands. There was a wave surging inside him that was almost ripping him open from the inside out. "Phew... At least twenty minutes apart." He sighed after a few seconds passed. The early contractions 'warm ups' were dreading him although they might be mild.

"Doctor Yoo, you're full tomorrow, but on Wednesday you're free starting midday. Should I schedule the C-Section then at thirteen?" Jimin wasn't going to lie, he wanted this to be over with. The desperation to have his baby boy in his arms was driving him over the edge. But also, the contractions were horrible. "Yes. Do you agree Mr. Park?" At the question, Jimin nodded.

"Perfect. Try to eat and drink liquids for tomorrow and clean your stomach. But be sure to get plenty of rest. See you on Wednesday at thirteen."

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April 16, 2019.

Entry 3.

Jimin-ssi, It's been so long since I've had sex. My therapist told me to write everything down BUT I'M FUCKING TRYING. My stress has increased. There's an itch in my stomach that with the simplest touches of myself, my sexual drive instantly switches on. I'm not going to lie, I touch myself. I can't stop imagining being inside you when I jerk off with my hand, but it's not the same.

May 29, 2019.

Entry 46

I bit my lip so hard today that I bled. My hands started to shake but my hips couldn't stop grinding against the pillows of my mattress while I thought of you. I hadn't found my release for two weeks. And the days keep accumulating to when I last had sex; with you. Can I tell you a secret? I felt guilty afterwards I came today. My therapist told me to try and make it to 20 days, let's see jf I can...

June 18, 2019.

Entry 66

I made it! I HAVEN'T TOUCHED MYSELF SINCE THE LAST WEEK OF MAY! THAT'S 20 DAYS! My therapist congratulated me! I want to see you, but I can't... I don't trust myself. I fear that I may force my lips on yours.

July 22, 2019.

Entry 100

Park Jimin... I hate to break this news but... you owe me a date. One day, if and when you forgive me, let's take our baby out and have a family trip. And... um... You said you'd top me once, I can't help but look forward to that moment. You made me lose the dominance in me, that was one of the qualities that attracted me to you. Fuck, I want to show you how much I've been changing. But that will be so much later on into the future... My military enlistment is coming soon in August, but you don't know of it yet... Although therapy has been going so well after June, I wanted to atone for what I've done. By completing my service to my country, I think that will help ease my sins towards everyone, especially you and our baby.

August 13, 2019.

Entry 122.

I... I saw you today. I held you in my arms... I'm sorry if I forced myself on you. I couldn't help myself. You let me feel the kick of our son... We're having a BOY. I know what I said was so fucking inhumane but it breaks my heart to see you suffering and ignoring me like this. I want to say those words you still long to hear. The premiere of the movie was the best one I've ever attended. You're the most amazing writer I've had the priviledge of meeting and knowing.

August 26, 2019

Last Entry: 134

Today is the last entry. I'm leaving tomorrow to start my service and I just finished shopping for the gifts I wanted to give you and our son. I feel different than any other day. Perhaps it's because I'm about to call you and ask to see you to give you the gifts. But I have more to say... Hear me out. It took me great courage to write this as well.

I wanted to properly announce that I, Jeon Jungkook, am in love with you and I will fight for you. For both you and our son.

Don't call me a coward because I haven't said the words face to face. I'm going to apologize beforehand because you won't be able to hear those words anytime soon. Writing them and saying them are completely different things.

I will say them, but only after I complete my service when I hear you say the three words my heart longs to hear. When you tell me you forgive me, I'll be the happiest man on earth with you by my side and our son.

Speaking of our son... I won't ask for custody, because I want to share my life with you and him. Us three together as a family.

I'm curious to know how you'll name him. There were a few names I thought of but never ever actually had the courage to tell them to you, I felt like I would've offended you if I had...

But please... consider 박시우 for his name.

It means divine intervention, because he's the positive outcome that came from being with you. As you told me, he's what our love is.

Thank you for loving me. I will try to come back for you safe and sound.

-전정국

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November 13, 2019.

Watching the different lights brightening up his peripheral vision, sometimes the images blurried. He blinked but never spoke. The pair of rosy plump lips were kept closed and hands frozen against his chest. His waist and legs were numb but for a very good reason. "We almost have him." The doctor told the nurses while they worked.

Jimin moved his head to the right and finally parted his lips. His vision was hazy, the drugs inside his system were making him feel out of it. "Aegi..." He whispered very low. His voice was almost his breath, for nobody to hear but just him to know he had moved his lips.

In his view, all he could see was a green curtain that covered the doctors and nurses and the light blinded him as well.

"We have him. Nurse Kim, write down time of birth: thirteen and fourty six."

13:46.

There was nothing more beautiful than the sudden cry that filled his ears. Jimin's lips curved automatically, his eyes wrinkled in crescent moons and his soft laugh mixed with the cries.

And when the small warmth of his newborn's was gently placed above his chest for just five minutes, it felt like a lifetime of happiness. "Aegi... Saranghaeyo." He mumbled with glossy eyes.

"Mr. Park, we will take him now." In his drugged state, the writer nodded with teary eyes. This was the hard part. They would take his newborn into another room until the necessary time passed for the screening tests aftee 24 hours. As soon as the warmth left his own, he began panting with longing to hold him back again.

"Aegi..."

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November 14, 2019.

The city of Seoul seemed to be bigger than the last time he'd seen it. Maybe it was a blessing from the universe, but he'd finally gotten a day off; 24 hours. Emotionally, he was stronger. Physically, he was stronger. Mentally, he was getting there.

Jeon Jungkook gazed at the people walking on the streets through the window of the cab. He was dressed in his army uniform (Granite-B pattern), the dark green hat leaned down to the right of his face and dark green combat boots covered his feet from the cold. Being isolated from the rest of humanity while he underwent harsh training was hard. He missed acting, he missed Jimin.

"And we're here. That'll be a total of fifty-five thousand and one hundred 'n fifty one won." Damn, he should've called Me-Ji to pick him up. After paying up for the taxi, he made his way up towards the building he had come to dream of all to well.

The lobby was the same, the ride up the elevator was the same, silent and nerve wrecking, but his nerves kept growing in anxiety. He stood in front of the closed door with such a straight posture he had been forced to maintain for the last months. With a hint of hesitation, he knocked on the door loudly about three times.

And he waited there for minutes, but nothing came. He knocked again but there was nothing. "Jimin hyung?" The name he'd been dreaming of saying rolled off his tongue like christmas carols but was engulfed in the excruciating silence of the hallway.

Jimin wasn't there? Or he was and didn't want to open up the door? Mayhe he was in bed, Jungkook thought the writer was home. He should've called him first but he wanted it to be a surprise.

The moment he searched for his phone inside the small backpack he carried, he instantly dialled Jimin's phone number.

Voicemail.

"Park Jimin, leave a message." The writer was not answering his calls.

"Is he mad at me...?" Jungkook mumbled and graced his finger above another contact. Although Taehyung might get mad at him for asking, he wanted to know if he knew of the writer's whereabouts.

"Are you supposed to be calling me from the base?" Taehyung picked up on the fourth ring. His voice was rushed and there was panting between the words. "Today's my break, I have twenty four hours of freedom. I wanted to surprise Jimin hyung by visiting him at his apartment but he's not-"

"Come to Yonsei University's Severance Hospital, Maternity, floor thirteen. Jimin delivered yesterday." Jungkook almost dropped the phone and he instantly ran back towards the elevator while Taehyung continued to talk. His lungs were out of air from the anxiety filling his body. He didn't make it.

"I'm rushing as fast as I can." Fuck. He was holding back so many emotions of frustration. He missed it.

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He rushed with all his might. The image of Jimin holding their newborn in his arms filled his mind and eyes although he was almost running inside the hospital. Nurses looked at him with widened eyes, not because they recognized him, but because there was a man wearing a military uniform with an anxious face as he passed through the halls of the hospital.

As soon as the doors of the elevator on the thirteenth floor opened, he used his long legs to his advantage and began walking at a very fast pace while scanning the outsides of the doors.

"Excuse me sir, do you need help?" A doctor bowed his head at him and he returned it. The blood inside his body was coursing with such intensity, his blood pressure was increasing. "I'm looking for patient Park Jimin." He instantly replied.

"He's resting right now. What's your relationship with the patient?" The doctor asked with respect. Soldiers were always treated with respect, even if they were on their days off (as he assumed the actor was). "I'm...." Jungkook paused and bit his lower lip for two seconds before he gathered the courage to say the next words that flew out of his throat with determination.

"I'm the other father." The reality sinked in again. He forced himself not to get emotional right before meeting them. The doctor examined him from head to toe with critical eyes before pointing his head to the right. "I see... Follow me, I'll point you in the right direction." He didn't have to be told twice, the actor followed him with a heart beating out of his chest. After being pointed out in the direction, he continued walking with the same fast pace.

"Taehyung?" Jungkook said as soon as his eyes spotted Kim Taehyung crouched down with his head buried against his arms. Suddenly, fear struck him harder than lightning, not even Barry Allen could've survived it.

The said male raised his head with widened eyes. And Jungkook's lips trembled when he saw the older's reddened nose and eyes. "Where's Jimin hyung?" He asked the first question that his throat could say even if his brain was already on the fifth one.

"Inside. But I can't let you in." Taehyung slowly got up and sniffled while talking. What he heard was tearing him apart.

"What happened?" Jungkook was very specific with his tone. This time, he didn't try to use a kind one, instead it was very low but not the threatening type; he'd learnt to control it.

"It's not my place to tell. Bu- Jungkook- No-" The younger ignored him walked towards the door. There was a small window that could let him see inside the room and when his eyes saw the writer inside, he wanted to open up the door. He did open it.

"Hyung." Jungkook finally called out to him with trembling lips.

Jimin's head raised and his eyes looked dead across the room. His heart felt so overprotective at the moment but he was also tired.

"What happened? Where is he?" As soon as the question was asked, the writer's eyes let out another set of transparent tears that rolled down his cheeks. "Welcome back." He greeted him with a saddened smile.

"What happened?" Jungkook asked again, this time his words might have been harsher than he intended them to but the anxiety was crawling up his skin like ants.

"The doctors are doing another screening. I still haven't carried him..." Jimin watched as Jungkook took a step closer but he shook his head quickly. "Please leave me alone Jungkook..." There was a crack in his voice when he spoke.

"Why are the doctors doing another screening? Is there something wrong?" Jungkook felt a pang in his heart again, but it was inevitable. He felt the tightening of his chest. He felt being shot at with rubber bullets just like in training, and then his eyes focused on Jimin's.

"H-He wasn't responding to sounds." Jungkook felt a rush of his past take over his vision. It couldn't be.... His son couldn't have inherited it.

"He has a hearing loss disability." Jimin finished his thought.

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