"Heehehehe hahahahaha hohahahe!" I laughed uncontrollably when we were told that Bayville High School was sending its kids to a survival training camp hosted by retired drill instructors and asked if we wanted to go to that or train with Wolverine.
Storm did not appear amused.
"Oh…" I stopped laughing, "You're being serious."
"I am." Storm responded.
"Hhaaahahhahaha!" I laughed again, "Oh my God. Thank you. I really needed that laugh. We are definitely choosing Wolverine."
"Mr. Gatatog. Next time refrain from laughing in my face when I ask you a question." Storm declared then left.
Damn she is good coming and going. Especially going.
After everyone left Wolverine turned to us and I cracked out the Horn of Party Hardy.
"Hey, man. Train to see if we can survive infinite liquor?" I offered the manlet.
Logan took in a deep breath, held it a moment, then grinned.
"My man!"
Many hours later on the stairs to the X-Mansion.
"Who dafaq is this big motha faka breaking down the gates to my new pad?" I grumbled while Cain Marko, AKA the Juggernaut, broke through the gate of the X-Mansion.
"Don't know." Logan grunted his answer, "But he'z lookin fer and ass whoopin!"
Watching Wolverine, drunk on liquor that completely resists advanced healing factors, run up and get punted by the Juggernaut was pretty funny, but I couldn't laugh because some fucking loser just walked up and punted my boy! My stoop brother!
It's time for some mother fucking vengeance, baby!
I held out my hand and summoned Volendrung. Sure, I was dickriding Thor and Kratos when I added that feature to my hammer, but I'm not going to pass up a slick feature just because someone else did it first.
"You done fucked up tiny." I said to the shorter and less physically developed combatant.
"Bitch, I'm the Juggernaut!" He shouted in a rip off of himself circa X-Men: The Last Stand.
I decided to take the opportunity to cut loose on someone with the tankiness to make me work up a sweat beating ass. A flood of Rc cells covered my body, casing me in a suit of blood red segmented interlocking plates and sprouting a massive pair of arms from my back. The head to toe armor was soon joined by large spikes emerging from my traps and a blazing pair of wings spreading out down the extra arms. My tail thickened and grew a massive blade. Both my arms thickened and lengthened, becoming a smaller match to the pair that came out of my back, and a spiked pavis formed over my left forearm tipped with a diamond hard lance.
My face was covered entirely by a red mask that split open to create a jagged maw and a trio of eyes grew out, black sclera and each bearing three pupils. My horns grew larger and a series of spikes grew from the back of my head to join those growing out of my traps.
I basically looked like Gore Magala, Nergigante, and Glavenus got together and made a blood red baby that can take on the world.
With a draconic roar I pounced on the approaching Juggernaut and slammed the Hammer of Might into him with a full powered explosion that shattered the mansion windows.
"I actually felt that." He grinned behind his stupid looking dome helmet.
Rather than talk I bathed him in fire till he put a meaty paw over my mouth.
"Damn, Puff." I grunted, "That fucking hurt!"
I got my shield up in time and shunted most of the damage of his strike to the stars of Skyrim before hitting the bastard with two quick overhand wing strikes that backed him up before spinning around and slamming my bladed tail on him in a blow that knocked the wind out of him.
"Nice!" He shouted as he pulled back and caught his breath, "Ain't been hit that hard, well, ever. Going to enjoy tearing you apart, lizard."
He ran at me to cover the distance and even if he isn't his best self, I knew better than to stand in front of him once he has got some momentum. I brought down an overhead strike of my hammer in front of him and blew the ground out from underneath him, causing the Juggernaut to trip and then I played a vicious game of whack a mole on his back that kept the big boy from getting up.
As I upped the power of the strikes to the max I began striking away his armor and flesh, breaking his ribs and spine.
I won, but it was against one of the weakest incarnations of the guy.
At least he brought lunch.
As I tore strips from the broken Juggernaut I felt something like a fly buzzing in my head. Annoying, but nothing worth stopping dinner over.
"Grunt, please stop!" Came the frantic voice of Charles Xavier as he ran out of the mansion.
"Lot of meat here that he isn't going to be using with his back that fucked." I commented on the shattered vertebrae sticking out of his skin.
"Be that as it may, he is a defeated foe, in his state he cannot hurt anyone so I must insist you stop inflicting harm on him." Charles demanded.
"But why though?" I asked.
"Grunt, there aren't many moments in a life where a person can be a hero." Xavier spoke impassioned, "Defeating my brother was a reaction, stepping up in a moment of crisis, but what you do now, after he is defeated is what defines your character. Yes, you are strong, but strength is not a virtue. It merely is. How you choose to use that strength when there is no pressure on you is more important than how you use it in the heat of the moment. Right now it is your choice what to do with Cain, and it is that choice that will determine whether or not you are a hero. There aren't many moments when these choices appear. Make a sacrifice, conquer a flaw, save a friend… spare an enemy. In these moments, everything else falls away. The way the world sees us. The way we…"
I couldn't help myself. I raised up my bladed tail and when the time was right drove it into one of the wounds Volendrung broke open on his back, impaling the Juggernaut and raising him into the air and sending him flying into a nearby tree.
Seeing his brother mortally wounded, Xavier bent over and puked.
"Why?" he cried.
"You were droning on!" I complained.
"This is why you people need High School!" He decried, "You teenagers are fucking savages!"
Dude. Not cool. That's totally ageist.
The atmosphere around the dinner table was frosty to say the least. Professor X had called the kids back as reinforcements and they caught the tail end of the fight. Get it? TAIL end! You know, because I killed him with my tail.
Anyway, they didn't appreciate me stopping a convicted serial killer who broke out of prison from murdering his brother. Especially Scott, that fucking boy scout. Almost makes me okay with the fact that Xavier is grooming the guy to be his personal fuck toy.
I also think it doesn't help our relationship that Jean is sending me major bedroom eyes all the time. She gets like that around Jack too, but not Kat and Linda. I'd consider it a hard pass if she wasn't her X-Men Red version. The whole Phoenix thing never goes well for the people around her, but with her looking like that I'll have to take some time to brush up on my cosmic entity psychology.
As I ate another piece of pork I muttered, "Not as good as the Juggernaut."
"Okay!" Scott erupted, "Are we just going to act like we don't have a bunch of cannibals at the table. Like this giant lizard alien didn't just kill and eat a guy in front of us!"
"Scott." Professor X chided, "They have never been to High School."
"How does that matter!" he made a good point.
Xavier just put his face in his palm as a sign of disappointment in his protégé, "One day, you will understand, Scott."
I was starting to wonder about the magic of High School. Was I walking into a trap to make me a better person?
I was quad deep in a bent over Linda when a knock on our door sounded.
"Do we need to start putting a sock on the door?" I asked my squirting lover, "All my roommates are here getting pounded, so that doesn't seem necessary…" I mused, "Fuck it. I am always willing to advertise that I am getting laid."
I pulled out and Linda collapsed when I let her go and answered the door. Jean was there and she looked like she wanted to say something before she got mesmerized by my smooth lizard cock.
"Gimme that!" she shouted and pushed me into the room with her mind before following herself and literally tearing her clothes off.
For some people, her behavior would be a sign. A sign to run like a scared little bitch, but you can ask Zaeed how many fucks I have to give about encounters like this.
Before people get up in arms about Grunt beating the Juggernaut, remember that this is the Evolution version. Cain isn't conceptually unstoppable, he is just a guy who is really strong and really tanky. He is a season one scrub enemy.
Also, this is the max power Grunt. With his connection to Skryim resestablished Grunt's striking power is more than doubled and so is his tankyness. Through in his powers as a Red One and a demigod weilding what has the potential to be a Noble Phantasm level weapon and we are starting to get the picture on how ideal a fight this was for Grunt.
For those interested, Grunt's wings aren't physically capable of providing the lift required for him to fly, but they do add tactile telekenis to him, allowing him to fly and always generate max leverage.
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