Chapter 5

ALESSIA

  I'm laying in my new bed just sitting here thinking about Alena and I. This is the first full day of our new life. I can finally breathe. Living in my old apartment, I still thought about Jonathan quite a bit. All of those memories of us together always flashed in my head.

  When Alena grows up, I would love to tell her about her father and how we had a loving and fun relationship but now it is still raw. It still hurts.

  I was also very paranoid because I feared that one day, Jonathan's family would find out about her and take her away from me. When I was pregnant, his close friend Mark saw me while I was out with Jess. Once he realized I was pregnant, he told me that Jonathan's parents can never know about my baby. They are extremely wealthy and will do anything to get custody.  They blame me for his death. Mark told me, living in that house wouldn't be what's best for my child from what Jonathan told him about his past. They are very controlling and there is no love or emotions shown between them.

  After talking to Jess and my parents, we all felt it was best to not tell them. I've never second guessed my decision because I'll be damned if they try to take MY child away for me.

  With me leaving, its like a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders. I don't have to worry about running into them or them finding out. The only people who know where I am are my parents and they wouldn't tell so I think I'm good.

  Now I'm thinking about my new problem. Jaxson. When I first saw him, it was like something ignited within me. I don't know how to explain it but I felt this intense pull to him. It's crazy cause I don't know him. Jess talked about him a lot but he was still a stranger to me. Last night I kept catching myself starring at him. Sometimes I'd catch him watching me but we would both turn away.

  When he shook my hand, it was like I got shocked and I felt it in my soul. I wanted him. I wanted all of him. The dirty thoughts that ran through my mind were pure explicit, enough to make my face redden while I felt that thumping feeling between my legs.

  OH MY GOD!!! STOP!! What is wrong with me? I have to get him out of my head, he has a girlfriend. I'm not that type of girl to do that then again I've never felt this way before either. NO STOP IT ALESSIA, I'M NOT GOING THERE!

  Last night, I woke up with this strong aching feeling in my chest.I heard a woman moaning. As I laid there, I heard Jaxson's name being screamed out. 

  A little while later, I felt fine and went back to sleep.  I'll admit it really upset me to think of him with her. I can't be jealous. Maybe it's because I haven't been with another man since Jonathan. Maybe I'm just lonely and miss the companionship and the closeness I use to have.

  Whatever it is, I've got to get my shit together. I jumped up and ran into my closet reaching in a box. I grabbed my vibrator and ran back to bed covering myself with the comforter.

  Turning it on, reaching into my panties, I hit the spot. Closing my eyes, thinking of what would give me a release. Jaxson popped into my head. The things he was doing with his mouth were ungodly. Quickly, I felt the pressure build up in my stomach. Trying to hold in the moans that were desperately trying to escape. Moments later, I hit my peak. My body is trembling and my breathing is heavy. I heard a thud sound  outside my door.

  Thinking that maybe it would be Alena, I got up and opened the door, only  to see Jaxson standing there.  Both of us standing there extremely awkward.  It was like he knew what I was doing which embarrassed the hell out of me. I had to look away. He couldn't have known, could he? Clearing my throat, I said "good morning." Rubbing the back of his neck, he replied "good morning to you too. I hope your enjoying your stay here."

"Yes, thank you." I said. There was a pause of silence.

"Breakfast will be ready soon, I'll see you downstairs." I nodded my head and he walked away. I stood there in the doorway completely confused before going back into my room to get ready for the day. I grabbed my clothes, going into the bathroom to take a much needed hot shower.

  Putting on a pair of black ripped jeans and an off the shoulder red sweater with a pair of black ankle boots, I walked out of my room.

  Passing Alena's room, I noticed she wasn't there so I walked downstairs. Walking into the kitchen, I see Alena sitting on Jess's lap eating pancakes, bacon and sausage. She looked at me with a big smile on her face.  "Mommy!" She squealed making me laugh. I give her a kiss on her cheek, sitting next to them.

  Thomas handed me my plate, thanking him, I began to eat. I let a small moan cause it was that good. Looking up, everyone was looking at me. Everyone laughed but I caught Jaxson looking at me. It was uncomfortable so I looked away.

After everyone finished breakfast, I helped clean up. Putting the last of the plates away, I turned to Jess.

  "What do you want to do today? We can always go shopping ." Jess said.  "Yeah, that would be great. I would love to see everything and get some stuff for Alena's room." I said.

  With the minimal space we had in the car, I had to leave a lot of stuff behind. Mostly her toys. I brought her favorites but said I would get more when I got here.