Chapter 24-Determination To Change

The desolate look she had on her face was too much for me to see. Her eyes that looked so bright before now dimmed out

She clearly has her own circumstances to say something as sad as that. It looks like she's been fighting all by herself and has forgotten how it is to be supported and helped by someone else

But the thing that I couldn't stand the most was that she had the same expression I did in the past

I remember those days when I thought I couldn't be loved by anyone other than my family. I reached out for connections but nobody came my way. I was lonely at that time and wanted someone to be by my side

That's exactly how she was looking at me right now. As a person who has already gone through that horrible experience I wanted to help her out even if I'm just running my mouth carelessly. I don't care about what I say; I just wanted her to stop giving that expression. So I said

"It matters to me"

Her dim eyes brightened and she lost her sad expression

"I would be sad if something happened to you"

She looked stunned about what I said

"But you-"

I interrupted her and said

"I know you're going to say that I don't know anything about you. Not even your name. But when I say I care about you I mean it"

She narrowed her eyes and said…

"You're lying when you say you care about me. Everyone is the same, they all tell lies to get close to me and deceive me in the end. You're just the same as them"

…in a distrustful manner. She wasn't believing what I said. If she doesn't believe, I'll just make her

I moved my head towards her face, now only a few centimetres away and looked at her with a dead serious face and said

"Look at me right in the eye. Do you really think that I'm lying to you?"

Her expression softened a bit and she was hesitating to talk back. She said

"W-Why would you care about me when we're just strangers? You're not my mom or my dad or my friend or my boyfriend. You're not any of them. Why should I believe you when you have absolutely no relation to me?"

She raised a fair point but that wasn't going to stop me. I'm going to make this girl believe I care about her even if I have to stay here all night to convince her

I raised my voice a bit and said

"You should believe me because I'm the man who risked his life to save you! "

Her face became more relaxed. Looks like its working

"Do you really think that I would just risk my life for someone who I didn't care about. I saved you because I didn't want to see you get hurt. I risked my life for that one reason. If you don't consider that caring for someone I don't know what else is"

She didn't know how to respond to that. Her eyes wandered around without an answer. She looked like she knew what I was telling was true but wasn't accepting it

She was struggling with herself. She wanted to believe what I was saying was true but some part of her deep inside was rejecting that very idea of someone else caring about her

Just what happened to her, for her to think that she will never be truly cared by others and all love in the world is false? The current her who thinks she can't be loved, looks just like me in the past. Looking at her suffering the same way as I did made me want to help her more. So I said

"You said you were okay with dying but wasn't it you who asked me to save you?"

She looked surprised that I noticed her say it since she told it in a really small voice back then

"No! That was…Umm...That was….I didn't mean to say that. It just came of my mouth!"

She fell into my trap

"Exactly! Although you wanted to believe that you don't care about yourself or you don't need the help of others, your true feelings came out in the time of a crisis. You just can't lie to yourself"

"That's…"

She looked like she was realising it. Just a little more and I'll get through to her

"It's the same for me. When I heard you say 'help me' my body just moved on its own because I didn't want to see you get hurt in any way"

I thought she was close to accepting it but she suddenly decided to fight back

"B-But don't you hate me? Whenever I ignore someone I don't want to talk to, they always come to despise me saying they hate my guts. But not only did I ignore you when you tried to say 'Hi' in class today, I even treated you so harshly earlier. Why do still care about a person like me when no one else did?"

Looks like she accepted what I said but was still struggling to make a decision. She just needs a little more persuasion to destroy that dark thought of hers. Determined to change her way of thinking I said

"You got to get this fact through your head. It doesn't matter if I hate you or like you. I just saw a girl who needed my help and I helped her, that's all there is to it. There's no love and hate when it comes to saving a life. Also I never hated you in the first place. So don't go making decisions for me on your own"

She looked surprised and said

"But I hit you and called you all those names. I even ignored you in class"

"That was all my fault to begin with. I was the one who dragged you into this mess. If I hadn't chased you, none of this would have happened and you wouldn't have done anything to me. And whether you reply to me or not, it's your decision. I have no right to judge you based on what you decided. So I never hated you for that either"

Now for the final push

"If its hate you're talking about, then you have many reasons to hate me"

She was astounded at what I said and exclaimed

"Huh! What are you talking about?! I don't hate you! How can I hate a guy who risked his life to save mine? That's just unheard off!"

"That's exactly it! How can I hate you, when you also saved me?"

"I saved you?"