Chapter 9: Dream

I just arched my head after putting down my phone. Kahit ano pa ang pakiusap ko ngayon kay Mommy. Wala na yatang saysay. If I, did favored all of Knoa's side. And Bamby's to Daniel. Si Mom naman ay ang rescuer lagi nila. Hindi yata sa amin namana ng katigasan ng ulo ang mga bata. Kundi sa Lola nila. I admit. They have all enough. All they have to do is to enjoy life pero hindi ba nila kami o ako nakikita?. I've been through hell tapos dadagdag pa ito. Though. I can still control them. Both of them pero iba pa rin ang disiplina ng isang babae. Lalo na ang isang Ina. That's what I'm pointing out here. The helping hands to discipline the young ones.

"That's not my problem anymore, son. You choose to stay there and leave everything behind here tapos ngayon magrarants ka sakin about his damn behavior?. Are you even in your state of essence?."

"Mom.. you know I have reasons.." muntik pang hindi halos marinig ang boses ko dahil sa motor na dumaan. Too loud! Bullshit!.

"Your reasons sometimes is not beneficial to all dear. Try to think of this. Kung ikaw ang nasa sitwasyon ng anak mo. At ako ang nasa posisyon mo. You'll definitely rebel. Just like him. Or even more worst than his. Sa sobrang tigas ng ulo mo. At sa sobrang self centered mong tao. Baka ngayon.. hindi lang isa ang naging nanay ng mga anak mo.."

Nakagat ko ang ibabang labi sa narinig. Bat naman napunta na naman sakin?. Ang anak ko ang priority rito. Not me!!!

Suminghap nalang ako. Trying to take all of her loads of advice. And there's no other way to win this argument. So. I take a deep breath and exhaled calmly.

"So, what should I do then Mom?. Knoa is here too. Parehong rebelde ang mga utak."

She choke because of laughing. Someone attended her after a minute bago muli ito nagsalita.

"Anak naman. Ilang ulit ko ba dapat sasabihin to sa'yo." I gritted my teeth while firmly closing my eyes. Ready my ears to hear her while I have this feeling that I already knew what she'll say later. "Hindi mo ba tatanungin kung ano yun?."

See that?. Pilosopo pa! Kaasar!.

"Just spill it Mom.." I commented anxiously. She just chuckled again.

"Oh boy!. There's no other way to turn their way back to you dear. If you want to win again their attention and quit their rebellion. Let them be. Go with the flow with them. And have fun. Because you know. Iyon ang bagay na nakalimutan mo na yata. Ang maging masaya. That's why.."

Napamaang ako. Bagay na natamaan yata ako ng todo. I'll be honest with you. Since she left me, and the kids. I never felt the joy and happiness again. Nawala iyon na parang bula. Parang lobo na nasagi lang ng isang maliit na karayom. Pumutok na at biglang wala ng halaga. I smile. I may be laugh but the joy is not there anymore. I feel like. If I be happy again. Magiging kasalanan ko iyon sa asawa ko.

"Son, it's not the end of the world. You still have your life. Have life!. Kaya ka nilalayuan ng mga anak mo because of you not enjoying their company." Iyan pa ang isang huling banat ni Mommy sakin. Until she agrees na kakausapin ang mga bata to stay still.

That night. Daniel didn't come home. Ganun din si Knoa na ang sabi'y nasa tahanan ng mga Bautista. Of course, with Niko. And here's Danica also.

"Dad, nasan sila Kuya?." She's asking me a question without looking at me. She's busy with her phone. Always with this. I just imagine my palm on my forehead.

"Baustista's Residence.."

"Then, why they didn't tell me?." Hysterical na nyang saad. " You don't even told me, Dad?." Parang kasalanan ko pa ngayon gayong sya itong ayaw bumaba o lumabas ng silid nya.

Binaba na nya ang kamay sa kanyang gilid at ang buong atensyon na nya ay nasa akin. Upon seeing her frustrated and angry.. I feel the throbbing aches in my head. Lalo itong sumakit ng nagsabing, pupunta sya roon. Ngayon na!. She didn't hesitate to ask me her permission to leave.

It aches my heart knowing them slowly running away from me. Daig ko pa ang sinaksak ng basag na bote sa ulo.

Okay.

Fine.

I'll let them.

This time. I'll let them do what they want. Kung gusto nilang umalis. Okay na. Kung gusto nilang pumunta kung saan. Bahala sila. At kung gusto din naman nilang bumalik ng Australia. Desisyon na nila iyon. Mukhang tama nga si Mom. There's no other way to talk and talk about their rebellion. Mas lalo lang silang magkukumahog na umalis sa puder ko kapag pinagpatuloy ko ito. Sabagay. Nakakapgod na rin. Not telling about taking care of care. It's about holding them so tight. Na hindi na pala maganda. Lesson learned from Bamblebiee.. Kung mahigpit, mas lalong sisikip hanggang sa maging toxic na. Kung maluwag naman. Hahayaan sila hanggang sa sila na mismo ang lalapit at hihingi ng tulong. Kung ito ang gagana sa kanila. I believe though. And I hope so. Na hindi pa huli. Na kaya pang ayusin ang gusot na hindi ko kayang plantsahin.

"Love.." nagulat ako sa tumawag sakin. Nakaupo raw ako sa isang bench. Ilalim ng puno. Sa isang park. Then I saw Joyce running towards me. Laughing with wide smile on her face.

"Kanina pa kita tinatawag. Hindi mo ako naririnig.." she muttered when she stopped in from of me.

"Love.." ito lang ang nakaya kong nasambit sa dami ng laman ng utak ko.

"You know Dan-dan. He's a kind and soft young boy. He's not a kid anymore. Hindi mo kailangang gawing kumplikado ang lahat because at first, all is well Love. Mahal ka ng mga anak natin. And I do. But you do have to live. Leave the past behind and live like no other today and the best for tomorrow. Ikaw ang nagpapahirap sa sarili mo. Nadadamay pati mga anak mo. Be happy. I'm just here. Right here beside you.."

"But Love .."

"Lance, kaya mo yan.. may tiwala ako sa'yo. Ibalik mo ang dating ikaw . It's the only key. Trust me.."

"Ring!...

Naalimpungatan na ako sa tunog ng phone ko. I pick it up without looking at the caller ID.

"Yes hello?.." I asked. Habang akoy naghihilot ng ulo. Forehead furrowed. Trying to remember all. "It's just a dream?." Asking my conscious self. Kinamot ko ang ulo sa pagtataka.

Dito ko lang tinignan kung sino ang nasa linya. It's Daniel.

"Dan!?." Napaigtad ako. Kinabahan. Natakot! Napaayos na ng upo.

"Dad, we're outside. Pakiopen naman yung gate.." luminga linga ako. Naghahanap ng orasan. Anong oras na ba?. Twelve midnight. Seriously?.

"Dad!?." Tawag nya ulit. My mind is at blank space. Walang maisip na gawin.

"Oh yeah. Just walk in front of the main gate son and it will automatically be open. Is Knoa with you.."

"Yep!.." agap nyang sagot.

"They why you guys didn't enter yet?."

"We just wanted to check on you Dad . Danica is here. Umuwi na kami because Tito Jaden scolded us. Bakit daw kami nandun. Eh mag-isa ka rito?." My heart flutters. Oh! Boy Jaden the hero!...

I'm speechless. Lalo na nung pumasok silang tatlo at tumakbong yumakap sakin. "Sorry Daddy." Said Danica.

"Sorry, Tito Daddy.." si Knoa ito.

"I'm sorry Dad.." this time. It's Daniel. Hindi ko tuloy alam kung ngingiti ba ako, maiinis dahil para na akong bakla o matutuwa sa pagbabalik loob nila. Ulol!. Pero seryoso. I feel like. This is a dream.