8

KABANATA 8: Untamed Beast

I CALMED myself and looked away. We're still standing in front of the door. He's roiled and curious about the bloodstains in my butt. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat na aking maramdaman ngunit unti-unti akong nilalamon ng hiya.

Hindi ako sanay na lalaki ang kasama kapag dinadatnan ako, hindi ako komportable. I was always with Elvie because she knew what to do, I always had my napkin back then for prevention kaya naman hindi talaga ako sanay na walang tapal.

It's my pride and fear that's keeping me from asking about one thing, but I really need it, so whether this is life or death I'll take the risk.

"I need n-napkin."

Deretsahan kong saad sa kanyang harapan, pinanlakihan niya ako ng mata dahil sa aking sinabi. Ganoon na lamang ako pinamulahan at napayuko, pakiramdam ko'y isa akong kamatis na napapahiya.

"What? Saan 'to galing?" Tukoy niya sa aking tagos.

"Dinatnan ako, k-kailangan ko ng napkin."

Hindi parin ako makatingin ng deretso sa kanya. Umatras siya at sumandal sa dingding habang pinagmamasdan ako. Pinagkrus ang mga braso at ipinatong ang isang paa sa kabilang paa.

"Monthly period huh."

Tumango tango ako. I screamed when he kicked the nearest thing from him. He's a psycho, an indecipherable one, I always have no idea what would be his next action.

"Why the fuck did I even saved you?" Frustrated niyang saad saka naglakad lakad habang sinisipa ang mga bagay na pwede niyang masipa.

Pinanuod ko lamang siya habang paulit-ulit iyong ginagawa. Napako ang paningin ko sa sahig, kaya pala sumakit ang puson ko at hindi kp maiwasang magsungit.

"What do you need?"

Halos mapalundag ako sa gulat ng nasa harapan ko na siya, "N-napkin." Usal ko.

Nasapo niya ang noo at nasuklay ng mga daliri ang buhok, "What the fuck is a freaking napkin?"

I looked down. Well of course, wala siyang alam sa babae, ang alam niya lang ay pumatay para mabuhay. Hindi kaya ako ang pinakaunang taong tinulungan niya ng ganito? Hindi pa man lang ba siya nakakita ng napkin sa tindahan? Nakapanood niyon sa TV? He's so out of the world!

"Fine, stay here. Meron ba non sa market?" Bakas sa tinig niya ang pagkairita, tila nagsisising isinama niya pa ako ng buhay sa kaniyang munting tahanan.

"Sa- sa mall, supermarket, h-hindi sa kung saan saan."

"Stay here." Aniya at humakbang palabas ng bahay.

Mabilis akong nagsalita upang pigilan siya, "S-sandali!"

Iritado niya akong nilingon at pagalit na sumigaw, "What?!"

"Sasama ako,"

"No way, Seventeen. Stay here, at paulit-ulit ko 'tong sasabihin. Don't do anything stupid! Stay here or go out and kill yourself!"

Tuluyan na siyang lumabas at nilock ang pinto. Nakarinig pa ako ng busina bago tuluyang umalis ang kaniyang sasakyan.

Napaluhod ako at hinawakan ang aking dibdib, napakabilis ng tibok ng aking puso, hindi ko rin maiwasang manginig. What the heck was that? The emotion in his eyes, noon ko lang iyon nakita. If I am not mistaken, his menacing eyes were dark blue when I first saw it, and it was blue now, just blue. Unti-unti kong nasisilayan ang ibang parte ng kaniyang ugali, hindi iyon ang mga matang nakita ko noon, ibang iba iyon kumpara noon, kalmado ngayon, may damdamin, may ekspresyon, may sinasabi.

What the heck was that, Lyreb? That killer is giving me headache, really!

Muli akong pumasok sa silid at sinuri ang aking damit. Malakas ang buhos ng aking regla, maraming dugo at sumasakit talaga ang aking puson. Maraming tagos ang puti kong damit, at dahil inosente ang lalaking iyon sa ganitong bagay ay sinuspetsahan niya akong nagtangkang magpakamatay. Why the hell would I kill myself? I'm still sane even if my family was massacred by his truly. Pati ang panty ko'y punong-puno na rin ng dugo. Kaunti lamang ang underwear na binili niya, at tingin ko'y tatlo lang din ang puting bistidang naroroon, nagamit ko na iyong isa.

Shit! I should've asked him to buy me cyclings because I'm not wearing any, just panty. Wala ba talaga siyang ibang alam kundi ang kumitil ng buhay? He doesn't know how life runs without killing, he's innocent in my world while I'm opposite with his.

Bumaluktot ako sa gilid ng kuwarto at hinintay ang kaniyang pagbalik. Tingin ko'y ilang oras na ang nakalipas, ilang position na rin ang nagawa ko ngunit hindi parin siya bumabalik. Hanggang sa hindi lamang ang kalangitan ang nilalamon ng dilim kundi pati ang paligid. It's past afternoon and he's not home yet.

Naisipan kong maglakad lakad sa loob. Sarado ang kaniyang kwarto, nakalock ito, mukhang walang tiwala sa akin. "Tsk," sa aming dalawa siya pa ang hindi katiwa-tiwala. For freaks sake he's the bad guy pagkatapos ay ako ang nagmukhang hindi mapagkakatiwalaan dito? Is he even for real?

Wala namang ibang kakaiba sa loob ng bahay, wala man lang litrato kaya wala akong nakuhang ideya tungkol sa kanya. Pumasok pa sa isip kong hindi ito ang totoo niyang bahay, siguro'y pinasok niya lamang ito.

"Omygosh," I whispered. I almost freaked out with the thought that came on my mind. Just what if this house isn't really his property, what if he killed the persons living here so that he could stay freely?

"ACK!" I screamed when a white flash thundered the house, tila nayanig niyon ang bahay. Sa isang iglap lang din ay umitim ang kalangitan at bumuhos ang malakas na ulan. Napapalundag ako sa tuwing dumadagundong ang kulog at kidlat, hindi rin ako nahinto sa paglingon sa pintuan, umaasang bigla niya iyong bubuksan at basang basang papasok.

Bakit ba biglang umulan? Sobrang liwanag palang kanina 'ah?

Isinara ko ang mga bintana dahil malakas talaga ang ulan, pumapasok iyon sa bintana. Wala man lamang kasing orasan sa bahay na ito, hindi ko tuloy alam kung ilang oras na ba siyang wala. Bigla tuloy pumasok sa isip ko ang tangkang pagtakas. Maybe, this is the right time to escape. I'll just follow where my feet takes me, kahit saan, wag lang dito, wag lang sa puder niya.

Another brawny flash of lightning and roaring sound of thunder made me scared again. Mukhang mawawalan pa ng kuryente, papa'no nalang ako makakatulog mamaya?

The thought of sleeping in the dark is drowning me again, sumabay pa ang pagpasok ng aking ala-ala tungkol sa mga nangyari sa aking pamilya. Back then, at times like, Evan or Ethan would be always on my side, comforting me that the skies wouldn't hurt me. Elvie would be there too, consoling my fearful heart. But then, everything burned into ashes, and I was left suffering.

Ano pa bang isasakit nito?

Napaiyak ako ng malakas na tumunog ang pintuan, bigla akong tumakbo sa corner ng silid at doon humalukipkip. I'm being attacked by my fear again. Palakas ng palakas ang tunog sa pintuan, tila iyon winawasak. Tila pilit na pinapasok.

I screamed when another stentorian sound thundered the house again. Mahina ako sa ganitong bagay, sobrang hina. I couldn't find solace as long as I'm being attacked by my fear, no one could give me solace, it's my mind, always my mind that's controlling me, I couldn't control it.

I continued to shake. The foot steps were getting strong, getting closer, and I'm horrified. I'm in the midst of my phobia when a man appeared at my door, soaking wet and seemed to had trouble on his way.

"I didn't knew napkins have different brands so I brought all..." He stopped and dropped the plastic bag when he saw my position, he immediately run to me and touched my forehead, "Are you sick again? What's wrong?"

I stopped shaking, I don't know why I kinda felt safe. This is insane but the moment he fondled my face, I found sereneness and peace.

"I brought napkins," he carefully put his palms on my hair and caressed it softly, "Did I took too long? The rain was freaking heavy, my car was stocked in the muds, I ran all the way here, I broke the locks, did I scared you?"

He wasn't the person I've met before, he's totally different. Is it possible for a beast to be tamed? I can't tame a beast, and that's for sure because I am weak and no one, unless he also wanted to rest in a peaceful wilderness. And that's what I'm seeing, a person who's trying to do good after his wrong unforgivable deeds.

Is it possible? Is this even real? I guess not. He is a beast, he can't be tamed by a mere demoiselle.