To the Edge

I tried to hold onto my nerve, I really did. I clung to that mental state of 'go get your man' for the entire walk through the ship, keeping that resolve fresh in my heart. I imagined all the things I would say and ask—had it all planned.

There were just a few obstacles.

First, he wasn't where I thought he'd be. I had expected him to be on the bridge, navigating the ship, but Critter was alone in there, sitting in the top left corner just . . . hanging out? He didn't greet me when I entered, so I had to guess he was sleeping.

It was kind of creepy so I slowly backed out of the room to look elsewhere.

That was enough to sweep the wind out of my sails, but I worked myself back up and went on the hunt. He wasn't in the rec room where I'd been competing with the now-sleeping Critter. With that, I was at a loss and that was the second obstacle.

I was worried more about where he was than I was about what I was going to do. I checked all of the places I normally found him—the bedroom, the armory (though I was just there I had to check anyway), but they were all dead ends. The last place I checked was the training room, or 'kehrite', but he wasn't there either!

At a loss, I checked every single room on the damn ship, but there just weren't that many. It was a private ship, so I had a few utility rooms to check and the mess deck where we ate.

Well, there was that and the belly of the ship where all the machinery was, but I wanted to save that for last. It was even hotter than the rest of the ship, and I always felt like I was going to break something when I was down there.

Luckily, he was in the mess deck with Creature. They were going over the supplies; what we had, what we needed, and what we were giving away.

Creature noticed me first and gave me the same greeting he and Critter always did: "You."

Wolf turned away from the stockpiles and the hologram from his wrist computer disappeared. "Ah, there you are," he said.

I huffed, biting back a remark about him saying such a thing when it had been me searching for him this whole time. The nerve!

"Me," I replied to Creature, a bit exasperated. "You know, Creature, you may call me by the same name that Wolf calls me. I do not mind."

The in'qua shivered with disdain and said, "You and him am equal. You and me am not."

"Critter calls me 'Ast'ni', too," I countered.

"Him should not."

I rolled my eyes and decided to drop it. He was a man (insect) of decorum, so I'd just let him be. It wasn't hurting anything if he wanted to be formal with me, I just wished that he didn't expect me to be formal with him, too. We lived together, after all. Casual would be easier. Whatever made him comfortable, though.

To Wolf, I said, "I put that rifle away where I found it."

He nodded but said nothing, just watched me expectantly, as if he knew that I had come there for a reason. I was, of course, and I wanted nothing more than to say all the things I had cooked up while I was looking for him.

But, I didn't.

Instead, I pointed with my chin at the supplies he was going over. "Will we have enough?"

"Yes. The trip will be short, so we have plenty to give to the clan and have leftovers. You have done well with your hunting," he remarked, patting me on the head.

"I had a well teacher," I said with a smile.

"Good," he corrected me. "You had a good teacher."

"|Right|," I said. "|Do you need any help with the supplies?|"

Wolf motioned to Creature. "I have help."

"|Oh. Okay,|" I sighed. "I wanted to talk to you, though."

He gave me a long look, then addressed Creature. "Ast'ni will help me with the supplies. Make a list of upcoming repairs so I might know what to barter for."

"Yes, yes," Creature said, groveling low as he backed out of the room without another word.

I waited a few extra seconds to make sure he was gone. Now that we were alone, intrusive thoughts started creeping into the back of my mind. Flustering thoughts of him bending me over the counter—I shook those images from my mind and tried to focus.

"What ails you?" Wolf asked me. "Your temperature rose."

That only made my blush deepen and I waved him off. "|I'm fine. What do you need me to do?|"

He regarded me for a second, then I started helping out with sorting the meat. Wolf pointed out what to grab and where to put it, so I shuffled things around while he logged them.

"What did you wish to speak about?" he asked me.

Shrugging, I said, "|I wanted to say that I'm sorry for leaving so abruptly like that.|"

"Why did you?"

My face burned and I turned away to try and hide my embarrassment. "|I don't know . . . I guess . . . I guess I was jealous, hearing about you talk about that stuff.|"

"About mating? Why would—ah, I remember. Your species is generally monogamous, yes?"

The word was foreign to me and even harder to pronounce, but I repeated it all the same and hoped for an explanation. Though, I had an idea what he meant through context.

"Monogamous?"

He nodded. "Taking only one person to be their mate for life."

"Oh, |monogamous|. Yes, we are. Are you not?"

"It depends. Normally, no, but there are exceptions, as I assume there are exceptions for you, as well," he said.

"|Yeah . . . I suppose so|."

Wolf pushed the wrapped meat out of my hands and hefted me up onto the counter so he wasn't towering over me. A deep purr was rumbling in his chest.

"Tell me what you want," he said, his voice low and head inclined toward mine.

I fidgeted and squirmed, trying to figure out how to respond to that while he was being so—so—distracting, playing with loose strands of my hair, and standing so close. I could barely think straight as it was, and now he was so close I could smell his hot, sandy scent.

"How do you choose your mates?" I asked at last, still unable to look him in the face. Without thinking, I put my hand against his chest.

The tone in his voice made me think he was surprised by the question as he said, "We fight."

Of all the answers I had expected to hear, that hadn't even made any of the lists. I was visibly shaken and I couldn't even think of a proper response except to babble: "|You . . . Do what now?|"

He rumbled in amusement at my response. "You heard me."

"I heard you but I do not understand."

It was a chore to remember to speak to him in Yaut'ja, and he didn't help by letting me lapse back to English so frequently. I was going to have to ask him to be more strict with me.

"What is there to misunderstand? If someone is interested in another, a challenge is issued and they spar with each other to see if the pairing would be compatible." He explained it as if I was daft for not getting it in the first place.

My mind raced and before I knew it, my brain-mouth filter had failed me completely.

"I challenge you!"

Wolf stared at me as if I'd suddenly sprouted a second head. "You . . . what?"

The words had tumbled out of my mouth almost by accident and I could feel the blush creeping up my neck and face. I tried to keep my head high and just let more words bubble on out from wherever the first ones had come from.

"If I can beat you then I'd earn the right to—"

He stopped me there with a gesture and said, "It is not about winning or losing. It is about compatibility and impressing one another. Both parties have a chance to show off for each other and decide from there if they should go forward with the coupling."

"Oh. Well, then that's better since I can't beat you . . ."

Wolf purred. "I already consider you my important companion. We can forgo the formalities altogether at this point."

As utterly flattering as that was, I shook my head. "I want to. We have this . . . saying on Earth. |'When in Rome, do as the Romans do.'| It means that when you are . . . visiting or living somewhere, you should follow their conventions. I wish to learn and follow yours."

I also didn't want to keep taking the easy route just because Wolf was into me. I still didn't quite believe it, so doing it this way would make it feel like I'd done something worthy of his attraction.

Really, I couldn't even pinpoint the moment that I'd realized I had any sort of romantic or even sexual attraction for this incredibly alien man in my life. Though he often practiced tough love and threw me out in the middle of the woods to fend for myself, he was also gentle when he needed to be. He was attentive and always made sure I had what I needed.

At the same time, Wolf didn't treat me like a liability or like I was "broken". Sure he'd given me plenty of time to recover from the surgeries and still treated me with some manner of caution, but the entire time he'd been making sure I was sticking to the physical therapy regimen.

"Well," he said, clicking thoughtfully, "If that is how you feel, then I cannot argue."

"Yes. This is what I want," I said after taking a breath.

"Then I will meet you in the kehrite. Be sure to wear your braces or it will be a short fight."

He left me sitting on the counter, my skin tingling where his claws had trailed down my shoulder. I sat there for a few seconds with my eyes closed. I took a deep breath and then hid my face in my hands, barely muffling my shame-filled groaning.

Wasn't I supposed to play hard to get or was that just some sort of teenage bullshit I'd bought into? I didn't fucking know. I'd never been in a relationship before and now I was trying to navigate one with an alien.

Still, I gathered my wits about me and climbed off the counter. I hadn't even done any warming up and was gonna be a little stiff and rusty, but that was what I got for jumping the gun.

/Well, he kind of jumped right to it, too,/ I reminded myself.

My hands wouldn't stop shaking no matter how hard I tried. I'd gone and done it, and now we were going to see just how compatible we really were.

I jogged off some of my nerves, using the time I had to warm up a little bit. I often ran the halls around the ship to stay fit, so it wasn't out of the ordinary for me. After a short trip to the armory where my leg braces waited, I was feeling more at ease.

Then, with my legs braced up, it was off to the kehrite. I couldn't do any hard exercise without them since the pins had been removed during my surgery.

Wolf was standing in the center of the sparring area—unlike a regular gym, they didn't have any mats or cushions of any kind so it was the hard floor waiting for me should he toss me around like a rag doll.

His stance was loose and casual and I made a derisive snort.

"You could take this as serious." The phrase didn't quite sound right but whatever. The point stood.

He didn't seem to care about my shoddy grammar right then, though.

"Why? You will take it seriously enough for the both of us," he teased.

He'd even taken his mask off.

Rolling my eyes, I said, "Yes, yes . . . I take everything seriously."

"Indeed you do."

"|So, how does this work?|" I asked, shaking out some of the nervous energy and stretching.

"Use this as an opportunity to show me your best. I fully expect you to come at me to win," he said, rolling his shoulders.

Though he finally took a more battle-ready stance, I could still tell from his mirthful expression that he wasn't fully prepared to give me 100%. Not that I believed he ever fought me at his best, anyway, because it would be really easy to kill me.

"|Okay. Will you do the same, then? Though, you have already impressed me on numerous occasions|," I remarked, taking my place in the "arena.

"I could say the same about you," he retorted.

With a huff, I said, "|Don't ignore the question.|"

I held my defiant expression until he approached me. It wasn't a particularly aggressive move so I held my ground. I didn't want to let him get within arm's reach of me, but I also didn't want him to think that I was scared of him.

Because I wasn't.

Finally, Wolf said, "I will give you the normal handicaps since I do not wish to cause serious or permanent harm. But yes, I might show you a few new moves to surprise and impress." He pressed his mandibles together mischievously.

"|Oh okay then,| I accept," I said, rolling my eyes.

After an incredulous pause, he took a threatening step and growled. Startled, I slapped my palm against his sternum with enough force to push myself outside of his reach, my other arm up and ready to guard, but he only snickered at me.

The sound he made was the closest thing to "ow" that I'd ever heard come out of him as he rubbed his chest.

"We are slapping, now?" he quipped.

"|That was a . . . palm thrust, not a slap,|" I scoffed, hoping he wouldn't notice that I was covering my ass.

Finally, I was feeling much more at ease than I had been. This was familiar. This was normal.

"What? Are you scared of me now?" I taunted.

His tusks clicked together; not quite provoked but perhaps close.

"|Well? You gonna fight me?|" I baited again, in English this time.

"As you wish," he rumbled.

And with that, he charged. I barely managed to skirt out of the way of his reach before he could grab me. Already my heart was in my throat just at that near miss—I couldn't let him grab me. If he got a hold of me, I was done for.

For now, I would avoid and look for an opportunity. I'd stay on my toes and dance just out of reach, taking whatever potshots I could until I found his rhythm and mine.

Then, I'd find a time and place to go in and show him what I was made of.

/Knees and elbows/, I reminded myself. The hardest parts of my body.

He swiped his claws in my direction but I hopped out of his extended reach, staying on the edge of the ring. When he came in again, I bobbed under his swing and saw an opening. I slammed my foot down on top of his knee and he staggered somewhat.

Not good enough.

Wolf made to grab me again and I had to scramble back, almost losing my footing in the process.

There was some disappointment that came with that particular failed attempt: if he was a human, he would likely have been rendered completely immobile.

It had taken quite a bit of time to get used to the fact that he wasn't human, that I could go hard and not worry about causing serious damage. I still couldn't bring myself to go all-out, though: it didn't feel right coming at him with any real intention of harm.

He eased up and said, "You can hit harder than that, surely. Stop thinking so much about what you are going to do and simply do it."

I grit my teeth together in frustration, but I knew better than to dive headfirst like he was trying to bait me into doing. Maybe I was thinking too much . . . but I still had to wait for the right moments. The perfect opening. If I didn't, I would just get caught and it would be over.

Dissatisfied, Wolf suddenly postured and let out a bellow that made me jump and put the hair on the back of my neck on end. I felt it just as much as I heard it.

"Warm-up is over. I am coming," he warned.

"'Warm-up'?" I squawked in indignation.

His response was to charge at me again, this time harder and faster. Though I let out a surprised squeak, I decided to retaliate rather than evade. I stepped into my power side so that when he came in to tackle me, I could load my back foot and swing at him.

Once again, if he had been human, I might have been able to lay him out. He powered through my counter instead and I had 300-odd pounds of alien warrior slamming me to the ground, leaving me dazed and gasping.

Maybe this challenge hadn't been such a great idea.