Telling Joel.

I see Alexa sitting on the sofa waiting for Joel to come over, I know what she wants to discuss. Just more for her to deal with on top of everything else. I see she is already down from the conversation with her girls. How Bree just told her, he could never love her fully. I know even though she knew it, that hurt her. Everything lately has. I just hope when all this is said and done, she comes out of this stronger than ever.

I take a seat on the sofa next to her, wanting to be there by her side for this. Wanting her to know she isn't alone. I take her hand into mine and hold it. She turns around and just smiles at me, making me know she is glad I am there.

In a few Joel shows up knocking on the door, I get up to get it, as the girls sit watching tv. I need to talk to him, and I want to do it in a peaceful manner. I don't want to upset them or make them overhear anything.

"Joel, can I have a word with you in the kitchen?" I ask.

"Sure is anything wrong?" Joel asks.

Ichiru following us both in there taking a seat at the Island.

"I guess it's important anytime even he is part of it," Joel adds.

"I am here to support her in any way she needs," Ichiru answers, not liking Joel's tone and remembering what an ass he was to his brother.

"Ok, so what do you need Alexa?" Joel asks.

"We have gotten things under control with the twins now, they are older. Things are calmed down and I feel we need to move forward." I say.

"Ok, what do you mean by forward? I am glad your ok with the twins but that really doesn't have much to do with me." Joel states.

"By forward, I feel we can start divorce proceedings now, and I would like for the girls to come here more often, maybe even having them during the week and you get weekends. I already talked to them, and they are fine with coming here more often." I reply.

"Well, from falling apart or whatever the hell that was you sure fixed yourself in a day didn't you!? I am just supposed to hand over our children now that you can handle it?"Joel shouts.

"I know this hasn't been easy for any of us, I told you I didn't want to rush them into moving here. I did it slowly, and I asked them what they wanted. We can start out by giving me another day or even two if you need but I want my children. " I respond.

"It's been months and now you want them? Whatever Alexa, I am not going to just give them over to you, I can do another day or two but not the full week, until I see things are better. Things just don't fix in a day and whatever the hell you two have been going through I doubt is fixed all of a sudden." Joel yells.

"People have downtimes, Joel, I just moved, just had twins. I am in a new relationship, I didn't want to just throw our children into this. They got to know Ichiru and they like him very much." I state.

"So you're going to live here permanently now To?" Joel asks looking at Ichiru.

Ichiru just looks at me, not knowing what to say since we haven't talked about this yet.

"Alexa and I haven't talked about that yet." Ichiru answers.

"From what I asked my daughters they say you are always here, so what the hell is the difference?" Joel hisses.

"That's between us, Joel not you. This isn't your home it's mine. What does concern you is our children, and they are both fine with what is going on, even if your not." I state.

"So you're giving me the house? Leaving everything for good? It really is over? You're leaving everything behind for this stranger you have known for how long? I thought you were crazy when I found out you were pregnant. I think this is just some midlife crisis you're dealing with. Isn't he even younger than you? Do YOu think this is going to last?" Joel snaps.

"I am not leaving you because of him, I am leaving you because I feel its for the best. You can have the house, as I do have this one and I am the one asking for a divorce. I don't know what is going to last or work Joel, no one does. "I answer. Not able to say the truth, stuck in this mess again just like he was. The first time was just acting on my feelings for Zero. So into who he was, and the whole able to be with him, I was lost in it. Maybe it even was a Midlife crisis, this time, I was making the choice to step away from Joel on my own, I still felt forced to though. At the same time, not really having any feelings towards him in that way. It was just a big mess.

"Fine whatever if this is what you want, start it. I will sign them and let go of this whole mess. I am just not handing over the kids. THey can see you, just only able to live here fully during the week when I see things are stable enough for it." Joel comments.

"I will start them tomorrow, and figure the rest out," I answer.

Joel gets up and leaves taking the girls with him for the week. I knew this wasn't going to go over well. I know I haven't been distant and not fully here these last few months, it was why I didn't fight him. He has no idea what I have really been through. No one does except for Ichiru.

After we put the kids to bed Ichiru and I sit on the sofa together just trying to take a break. I see a lot is floating around in his mind. I can read him, at times. Joel saying I didn't know this man at all, where I have known him for ten years. He was my best friend, a man I confided in a ton of times, about a lot of things. A man that has been there through good and bad times. These just were not his babies, and he wasn't the man I left Joel for.

"You took a big step today asking him for a divorce. You are moving forward even though he doesn't see it. I do. I know today was hard in many ways for you." Ichiru states.

"It was but I am glad it's over. I have to say not able to say how things really are, is terrible. I have to hold in how I really feel and there are times I come off distant and I can't even explain why that is. I Have to lie and I come off unfit. " I answer.

"The girls are not babies, they are almost adults so he can't keep them away. I think maybe it went better the first time then this one, but we will get through it. We need to show him we are together and everything is normal. Make it seem like we really just needed to adjust to the twins. He asked if I was going to live here. What do you think about that?" Ichiru asks.

"You're always here, I never really thought about it. You only leave here and there to get things. So I guess officially moving in would be fine. We have another bed down in the basement you can use it as your room. That is if you want to?" I ask.

"That would be great. I will get some more of my things tomorrow and bring them over. I noticed you said you were in a relationship to Joel, was that just for looks?" Ichiru asks.

"We are in one, aren't we? Or trying to be? It wasn't all for show, we are raising these babies together, we are always together. Your my best friend, always have been." I reply.

"And you are mine. I just wanted to make sure. I was glad to hear you tell him that." Ichiru responds.

"Good."