37 - That Morning in Calatagan

RJ's POV

It took us an hour to reach home from Charm's motocross practice. We are just in time for dinner. Si Celestine sa sobrang pagod yata maagang nakatulog kaya inaya agad si Charm for the bedtime stories. While I check on the files my Dad sent me and required me to give him my comment immediately. Hindi tuloy ako nakasama sa bedtime stories.

After sending my reply to Dad, I quickly go to Celestine's room, asa pa akong makahabol sa bedtime stories. But upon entering, she is already sound asleep and Charm is not in her room. She is not in our room either, I checked on the kitchen, baka nandun lang but she's not. I search for her around the house and found her in the veranda, seems to be in deep thought.

"Ang bilis naman ng bedtime stories, sumagot lang ako sa e-mail ni Dad, natapos na agad." I said and she turned around and smiles at me.

"Hindi naman natapos ang bedtime stories eh, nakatulog agad si Celestine after the third page." She said.

"What are you doing here? Hindi ka pa ba pagod?" I asked her

"I don't think I could get a decent sleep tonight kahit pagod ako." She said.

"Is there something bothering you?" I asked her.

"I already told you about Patrick right?" She asked and I nodded. "Binanggit kasi ni Jacob kanina na nakita daw nya si Patrick sa tracks sa Malolos, hinahanap daw ako." She said.

"What is there to be bothered of?" I asked.

"Sa tingin mo, on a male's point of view, bakit nya ako hinahanap?" She asked.

I choose to tell her what's my real point of view, ayoko kasi ng biases when it comes to giving my opinion. Para sa akin, yun ang fair na gawin kahit alam kong magiging disadvantage yun sa part ko.

"I only search for the girl I am interested in." I replied.

"What do you think, tama lang ba na magpakita pa ako sa kanya?" She asked me, I felt a pinch in my chest, nagtatanong pa lang sya sumasakit na dibdib ko, paano na lang kung makikipagkita pa sya sa ex nya? "Ano ba ang sabi ng puso mo? Do you still want to see him?" I asked.

She took a deep sigh before she replied, "Hindi ko alam, honestly."

"You have to be sure Meng, dapat alam mo kung gusto mo pang makipagkita sa ex-boyfriend mo at dapat din alam mong kung bakit mo gustong makipagkita sa kanya." I said.

"Papano kung pumunta sya dito?" She asked.

"It's up to you Meng if you want to be impolite at pagtaguan sya or civilly accept him as our family's guest" I said. "In my opinion, mas maganda pa nga siguro kung pupunta na lang sya dito regardless of his intention, at least the people would think that he is our guest instead of having to meet him in some other place na pwedeng may makakita sa inyo at bigyan ng malisya ang pagkikita nyo. You are a married woman Meng, not all people would understand why are you dining in with another guy besides your husband. Remember, our set-up is not known to everyone except those whom we truly trusted." I further said.

"Honestly, I don't want to see him anymore, when I broke up with him I already ended everything about him. But I could not explain why I want to know the reason why he's looking for me." She replied.

"Yun lang ba talaga? Baka naman natatakot ka lang sa pwede mong maramdaman when you get to see him again." I said.

"I am not, wala naman akong dapat ikatakot. I am certain of my feelings towards Patrick, kasi wala na talaga." She said.

"Are you sure? Baka kapag nakita mo yang ex mo bigla kang magtanan" I said while making my fingers crossed.

"Paulit-ulit naman Faulkerson, Jr. I said wala na nga di ba at sigurado ako sa sinasabi ko kasi sigurado ako sa nararamdaman ko." She said.

"Then relax and let that Patrick do all the worrying about meeting you again. The universe will decide kung bibigyan ka nya ng pagkakataon para malaman kung bakit ka hinahanap ng ex mo. Take it out of your mind and just enjoy life." I said and found her staring at me.

It took a while before she breaks her stare and said, "Do you know I am happy because I am having this talk with you Faulkerson, Jr.?"

"I'm glad I made you happy kahit hindi ko alam kung bakit." I replied.

"Because you make things light for me, lagi kang may straight na sagot sa mga tanong na madalas magpagulo ng isip ko and I really appreciate that. I guess getting married with you is not a bad thing at all." She said.

"Napasaya mo ako sa sinabi mo." I honestly said.

"Then quits na tayo, you made me happy while I made you happy, too." She said.

"Yeah, siguro yan ang dahilan kung bakit tayo ang pinatagpo, para mapasaya natin ang isa't-isa. We are destined to be happy ….. happy with each other." I sincerely said

"Yes, pwede naman … destined to be happy … with each other" She agreed and my heart melted.

Since that night when RJ and I had a serious talk, I felt I am beginning to trust him. I hate to admit it but I am bothered sa biglang pagsulpot ni Patrick. As far as I am concern, I already ended my relationship with him five years ago. Mas pinili ko si Olga kesa sa kanya therefore wala nang dahilan para hanapin pa nya ako at lalong makipagkita pa ako sa kanya. RJ made me go back to the reason why Patrick is no longer in my life now.

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The ray of sunlight at the window wakes me up that morning in Calatagan, I was shocked to wake up in a very different environment "Hindi ito ang cottage naming. Nasaan ako?" I asked myself but even got more surprised to see myself naked and realizing that the previous night I was too drunk and spent the whole night with a stranger.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin, I was all alone in that room, that stranger just left me alone. "Ano ang nangyari sa akin kagabi?" I tried recalling what happened the whole night, we were playing games, stripping serve as the punishment to whoever would loose, maybe that is the reason why I am naked, I really don't know because playing games was all I could remember then. Everything beyond that, wala na talaga akong akong maalala. Even with a terrible headache, I force myself to get up to fix myself as I am only covered with the bed sheets.

As I pull myself off to bed, I saw blood stains in the sheets and then I began crying realizing what could have happened that night, I never stopped crying until I felt asleep again. I don't know how long did I fall asleep then until I felt someone poking me and a familiar voice calling my name.

"Charmaine, gumising ka nga dyan?" I think it was Camila speaking while she continue poking me hard to wake me up.

"I can't Camila, sobrang sakit ng ulo ko." I said while I am still half asleep.

"Malamang hindi lang ulo mo ang masakit, gaga ka anong ginawa mo kagabi? Why are you naked?" Hannah exclaimed.

That was the time I realized I have not put on anything yet when I saw those blood stains on the sheets. I just released all my frustrations to myself and drown myself into tears

"Ibalik na muna natin sya sa cottage natin pwede ba, baka dumating pa yung may-ari ng cottage na 'to mapagkamalan pa tayong magnanakaw dahil basta na lang tayo pumasok sa collatage nya nang walang paalam." Olga said.

"Tayo pa ang magnanakaw eh mukha sya nga ang nagnakaw ng puri nitong si Charmaine. Tangina Menggay bumango ka dyan kung hindi kakaladkarin kita ng nakahubad palabas nitong cottage." Camila angrily said.

"Get up Meng, dun na tayo sa cottage natin mag-usap. Sino ba kasi ang kasama mo dito kagabi?" Olga asked shile she helps me fix myself.

"We saw you with someone last night, was he with you all night?" Camila asked.

"Later na lang Cams please, mukhang walang isasagot na matino itong si Menggay, hayaan na muna natin syang mahimasmasan." Olga said while I keep myself dumbfounded.

As we reached our cottage, Camila never stops ranting and I just let her. I could not blame them for reacting like that dahil kahit ako, hindi tumitigil na sisihin ang sarili ko eh.

"Pwede bang kami na lang muna ni Meng ang mag-usap anyway I was the reason why she left last night." Olga said.

Camila and Hannah left Olga and I alone in the room. For the first time in my life, I feel so afraid being alone with my best friend. Hindi ko pa sya kayang kausapin.

"What happen Meng? We searched for you all over the place, hindi madali ang isa-isahin ang mga cottages dito sa resort just to find you. Nakakahiya dun sa mga pinagtanungan namin. You were not yourself last night. Anong nangyayari sa yo?" She asked me but I did not dare to reply to her I just bursted out with tears. "We were very worried when we found out na hindi ka pa nakakabalik ng cottage natin, kaya hinanap ka namin, we saw you talking to a guy. We trusted that you won't do anything bad that was why hindi ka na namin nilapitan. We know among the four of us, ikaw ang pinakamagaling magdala ng pagkalasing, but apparently we were wrong. Anong nangyari sa inyo ng lalaking yon, why did you stay with him the whole night?" She asked.

"I honestly don't know Olga, ang natatandaan ko lang, we were drinking last night while we are playing, inubos namin yung mga dala nyang beer and vodka." I said.

"Did you sleep with him?" She asked.

"I don't know, wala akong matandaan. Hindi ko rin alam why in that instance, I trusted him already. I was out of my mind last night and I hate myself for messing up." I said.

"Hindi ka dating ganyan, last night was the first time na nag walk-out ka. We had several fights before but never ka namang nag-walk-out." Olga said.

"I'm sorry Olga, please forgive me." I apologized sobbing.

"Are you sorry about messing up or are you sorry about the betrayal?" Olga asked. I was shocked upon hearing what she said. I dont have any inch of a clue last night that she knows who the girl she was talking about . "I know it's you Meng, but I don't want Hannah and Camila to know it yet until we talk." She said.

"Ano to pa-guilty trip mo?" I asked.

"You know me better than that." She sadly said.

"Hindi ko sinasadya Olga, God know kung gaano ko pinigilan na ma-in-love kay Patrick." I said as apologetic as I can be because I really am very sorry about betraying her.

"I know, pero nakita ko naman na sya na mismo ang lumalapit sa iyo eh. Nararamdaman ko rin that he is falling out of love with me. Tama ka naman sa sinabi mo kagabi, napabayaan ko na rin talaga sya. I was not able to keep my promise to prioritize him." She said.

"Dapat hindi ko na lang pinabayaan na maging close kami. I was too selfish Olga, alam kong masasaktan ka pero, itinuloy ko pa rin" I said

"Because you fell in love, first love mo si Patrick eh kaya naiintindihan ko." She said. "I am breaking up with him pagbalik natin sa Manila." She continued and it truly surprised me.

"No please don't do that. I should be the one to break up with him, I am the intruder here, I should be the one to leave." I said.

"If you do that, how sure are you that he won't break up with me and run to you instead. Can't you see Meng, mahal ka na ni Patrick eh, feeling ko nga hinihintay na lang nya talaga na makipag-break ako sa kanya." Olga said.

"No, please Olga don't do that. Maayos nyo pa rin 'to" I said.

"I don't think so Meng, I know Patrick so well, hindi na namin maayos 'to." Olga replied.

"Wag mong gawin 'to sa akin please." I pleaded.

"Why not, I want you to be happy, you know I love you more than anyone else in this world. Don't worry about me, I'm fine. Maraming nakapila sa slot na iiwan ni Patrick." She said.

"Have you forgiven me Olga?" I asked.

"Saksakin mo man ako ng paulit-ulit, kahit hindi ka humingi ng tawad. Papatawarin pa rin kita, kasi nga mahal kita eh." Olga said.

We immediately went back to Manila after that talk. At pinanindigan ni Olga ang sinabi nya because, that night nakipag-break sya kay Patrick. I could not forget how happy Patrick was when Olga finally broke up with him. Little did he know that I too, will break-up with him that night.

"Bakit mo ginawa yun? I did not let him go para lang pakawalan mo nang ganun-ganon na lang." Olga ranted.

"That is the best thing to do Olga, para na rin sa ikakatahimik ko at alam ko na tama lang yung ginawa ko" I said.

"How many times will I tell you not to think about me anymore. Nakakamove-on na ako na hindi kami meant-to-be ni Patrick." Olga said.

"We are not meant-to-be either, You do not deserve him because he cheated on you. He does not deserve me because I cheated on him too." I said.

"What are you saying Meng? Hindi kita maintindihan." She asked.

"Bago pa kayo dumating sa cottage kanina, nagising na ako na nag-iisa. Hindi ko matandaan what happened the whole night, I was too drunk and spent a night with a stranger na kahit ang pangalan hindi ko alam." I said.

"We promised not to tell Patrick that part of our trip." Olga said.

"How sure are we na hindi nya malalaman?" I asked.

"Don't you trust us Meng?" Olga asked.

"I do, I never trusted anyone than the three of you alone. But Olga, we'll never know what will happen next." I said.

"Ano na ang pinagsasasabi mo Meng, hindi ko na maintindihan" Olga uttered in frustrations

"There were blood stains on the sheets Olga, so kahit wala akong maalala nagsusumigaw ang katangahan ko kagabi. I slept with a stanger where the only thing I know about is his friends call him Tisoy" I declared

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Who would have thought that after five years, I will be meeting again that stranger named Tisoy. As I stares at Celestine's wedding gift to me hanging on the wall, I felt some guilt for being selfish on depriving her from having a whole family.

Napapaisip tuloy ako kung hanggang 365 days na lang ba talaga ang happiness namin unlike ng nasa drawing na 'to ni Celestine? Therefore, we need to savor this happiness until it expires? I am certain na wala nang expiration date ang happiness namin as one family, but that is, if RJ only feels the same as what I feels for him right now, and I know that it is very unlikely to happen.