The Cassette Tape

I stepped into my room, exhausted from a whole day of cycling with Nathan and Antonia. I was literally covered in sweat; I needed a shower right away.

Just a few hours earlier we had been lost following some trail that Antonia suggested. We had to use Google Maps to find our way eventually.

I plopped my backpack onto the carpet and took a quick shower.

"Finally…" I wiped myself off and tied my towel around my waist, stepping back into my room after a much-needed wash. I stretched my arms, feeling relaxed and a bit thirsty.

As I reached into my backpack for my water bottle, I felt something that was unfamiliar. To my surprise, there was a cassette tape that had been mysteriously placed inside. The word 'moonlight' had been written on its label.

It had to be Nathan, I thought. Only he would know how to use a tape recorder, and that I owned a vintage cassette deck. What was this, the 80s?

I stared at the clock. It was late noon and I had nothing to do the rest of the evening.

Oh, well, I thought.

I played the tape on the deck, not really knowing what to expect.

As the tape began to play, I could hear the soothing strum of guitar chords. It was apparently a song. I sat close to the player to listen.

Smile gleaming like daisies

A kiss so very electric

Your touch that lingers in the dead of night

Under the blue moonlight

The eyes that bloom

That fades my gloom

A feeling that beams through the clouds

Like the rays of the moon

Stay a lil' longer

Just a bit more time

Though you have somebody

Know it ain't a crime

Just a lil' moment

Just a lil' sign

Tell me where we're going

If we'd cross the line

Cause don't you know,

Don't you know,

Don't you know,

You blow the clouds away tonight

You are the star that's twice as bright

You show me the moonlight

With Nathan's voice fading away, I stopped the player. I didn't know what to think, or what to say. Was this his way of telling me he wanted to be with me? He went out of his way to write a song for me?

I felt a wave of mixed emotions; on one hand, I loved the song and I was completely flattered that he would do this for me. I loved how cute this gesture was. On the other hand, what was I supposed to do about it? I had Brad, so it wasn't like I could just break up with him to be with Nathan.

But I did love Nathan.

I sat in silence, unsure whether I should even respond to Nathan.

-----

"Hey," I texted Nathan.

"Sup." He almost replied instantly.

"Can we talk in person?"

"Oh no, I feel like this is bad."

"No, it's just that I think we need to talk."

"Sure, my parents aren't home right now."

"Ok. I'll be right there."

Since Nathan lived right next to me, I could always go see him whenever I wanted.

-----

Nathan looked quite nervous and uneasy when he opened the door, a rare sight for me actually. I entered the house like I had so many times and went to his room. A guitar rested on his bean bag chair, and I could smell the caramel pumpkin spice candle that I'd given him last autumn.

He entered the room and closed the door behind him. Sitting down on his bed, he played with his fingers.

"So… you heard my song, huh?" He looked at me bitterly.

"Yes. And…" I started.

"Yeah?"

"First of all, I really love your song. It's really cute and… thank you for that."

He smiled, still looking nervous.

"And you know I love you, I really do." I continued.

"But Brad and I are in a really good place now and I don't want to ruin that. I still have feelings for you, but I can't be with you. You get what I'm saying, right?"

"I know, but…" He looked sad. "I know it sounds really selfish but I wished Brad and you didn't work out. I wish I had asked you out first. Maybe I just want to tell you so that I can get it out of my system, but I don't know how else to handle these… emotions. I-"

Nathan sniffed.

In all my four years of being his best friend, I've never seen him cry before, or even see him this vulnerable at all. I felt so guilty.

"I'm sorry…" I swallowed my saliva.

He sniffed again and wiped his eye. Seeing him like this made me want to cry as well.

"Maybe someday if Brad and I aren't together, we could date." I tried to cheer him up.

He looked up at me. "You're talking 'if',"

"Well, I can tell Brad about it. I'll see if he's open-minded about it." I said. "Maybe things could work out between us."

Nathan hugged me.

"I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to ruin our friendship." He sobbed. "I wasn't ready for us to do anything further."

"You know how I feel about you," I held him tighter against my body. "We'll always remain best friends."

Nathan kissed me gently on the cheek and we continued our tight embrace.