Two hours.
That's how long I stared at the dark walls of this humongous hall with Jimmy. I heard from the person who's talking loudly below the pit that this place is called The Caravan—Jimmy happily confirmed this with his usual smile. We didn't really speak much, and we didn't even see anything happening at all, just the outstretched blackness standing before us, and only then have I ever felt that time truly marches forward quickly. The two hours I spent looking at the walls before me with Jimmy as people screamed in both agony and excitement rushed behind us. We continued our drink, not caring about whatever is burning behind us—our eyes just want to marvel at the emptiness that we're seeing.
I still don't get the joke.
"You'll get used to it," Jimmy said with a saddened tone, although there's a refreshing smile on his face as the breeze brushes through his face from the open window.
I turned my head towards him as I realized that he might have said that line countless times now, but it still manages to make sense every darn time he utters it calmly. I then decided to roll my side of the car window as well and allowed the wind to slap through my thick skin in hopes that it will wash my sins away from me.
"Hey, Jimmy..." I said as I slowly closed my eyes while my face was directed on the open window. "Did I do the right thing?"
Jimmy didn't answer for a while as he just focused his attention on the empty road ahead. However, after a few minutes, he finally opened his lips with its corners perking high up. "I don't know, but this is your life now."
Two days.
That's how long it took for Jimmy to drive me back from New York to my home in LA. I didn't even realize how long the drive took when we first had it the other way around, but I guess my mind is just that much calmer now. I still don't know why we didn't just take a flight from here, but I think it's just another Plural Heights thing. I slept through the entire thing, and when I woke up, we're still not there, but I could at least understand that we're not in some random barren wilderness anymore.
When I woke up, I saw Jimmy eating an egg sandwich while playing some loud pop song that I have heard somewhere in the past.
"How long have I been asleep?" I said while looking at the bright sun before us.
"Long enough," Jimmy said while munching on his egg sandwich with a blank expression. "I wasn't really counting." He looked like he's not really enjoying his meal.
"Do you want me to drive for you? You must be exhausted now." I said with a panicked and worried look.
Jimmy merely chuckled after hearing what I had just said. He then threw something covered in aluminum foil at me. I caught it awkwardly, scared that it might shoot out of the open window.
"Don't worry about me. I don't really need to sleep." Jimmy said while still blankly munching and gulping the sandwich in his hands.
I opened whatever Jimmy had given me and saw the same sandwich inside. I looked at him with a confused gaze after seeing that Jimmy looks like he's still not at all tired after all that driving he's been doing for almost a week now. I haven't even seen him close his eyes for more than three seconds. I just shook my head with a sigh after seeing this as I took my first bite of the sandwich that Jimmy gave me.
It has got to be the best goddamn sandwich I have ever eaten in my whole damn life.
"It's good, eh?" Jimmy uttered with a chuckle. I then noticed that he had already finished eating his sandwich as he placed its foil inside of a paper bag. "It's my favorite."
"It doesn't look like you were really enjoying it, though," I said as I took another huge bite on the sandwich.
"Is that so?" He said with a light chuckle before sighing lightly. "I guess that's just the way it is when you're dead."
I didn't understand why he called himself 'dead.' Maybe Jimmy just has a knack for being an overdramatic little bitch, but for some reason, I kind of understood what he meant with those words. In the future, would I soon start eating my favorite food and stop knowing what they taste like? Would it feel like I'm just chewing some kind of mushy water? I wonder if there would ever be a time in my life when I would just start swallowing food for the sake of eating and not because I enjoy them.
Yeah... I guess I get what Jimmy is trying to say. I then reclined my head on the open window to feel the breeze coming through my face once more as I sighed deeply, trying to smell, feel, taste, see, and hear the very sound of life around me.
Before I knew it, Jimmy was already pulling up in front of my house. I don't know how it happened, but somehow, time just felt like it jumped from one place to another, or is it just because I am now finally losing touch of the world around me? I find that thought scary, but it is one that I can accept as something that can and will happen to me from now on.
I opened the door and stepped out of the van awkwardly, finally feeling my legs move again after a long time of sitting down at the party and in the car.
"Hey," Jimmy said behind me as I stood in front of my doorway. "can I get a drink from your house? My throat is parched."
"Oh, sure, yeah," I said as I weakly thrust my key into the hole on my doorknob. I then clumsily pushed the door open twice because it didn't budge when I did it the first time. "Come on in."
I was still expecting to see my wife's corpse in the living room somehow, and the thought of it really churned my stomach, but it was also something that I am quite excited to see, too, for some fucking reason. I pointed my finger towards the kitchen wordlessly at Jimmy as I silently walked towards the area where I stabbed Nicole's chest and neck repeatedly until she dropped into my thighs.
However, instead of seeing the usual furniture spread all over my living room, I instead saw an empty room with no colors, wallpapers, or decorations. In the very middle of the room stood a metal bed, and on top of that metal bed is the figure of a woman's body covered with a white blanket from head to toe. I didn't blink even once, wanting to see whatever will happen in this scenario playing through my eyes. I could barely remember when something like this first happened to me, but here it is again in all its glory. The corpse lying on the metal bed then slowly raised its upper body. However, unlike what usually happens, the corpse didn't bleed, and the blanket simply flowed down the corpse's body, revealing the face and the naked body of a familiar face.
In front of me lies Veronica as her mouth opens wordlessly. I couldn't understand what she's trying to say, but I couldn't take my eyes off of her as my body froze into the concrete floor.
What I saw is the body of my Mother on top of the metal bed.
"Hey." I heard someone say behind me as I felt a light tapping on my shoulder. "You okay?"
"What? Oh..." I said as I turned around to see Jimmy. I was sweating real hard, and my body was so uneasy that it jumped around after hearing every noise coming from all around. "Yeah... I..." MY eyes then wandered all over the surroundings to see that my living room now looked the same again—the same furniture, the same colors, the same wallpapers, the same decorations. I then looked up somehow, and I don't know why I did that, but I am panicking, trying to find something sticking awkwardly in the corners of the ceiling. I am trying to look for something subconsciously, but I don't know what that is.
"Your child is staying in Jean's house," Jimmy said, uttering the name of our mutual friend at work.
"Huh?" I said with widened eyes as I directed my gaze at Jimmy.
Jimmy then sighed heavily while shaking his head. "I was expecting you to ask about your daughter once we reach your house."
"I... Wow..." I said as I placed my fingers on my temples, trying to massage my now aching head. "You're right. You're so right. Shit... What am I doing?"
Jimmy sighed again when he saw me sweating uncontrollably once more in front of him. "Well, I've taken the liberty of drinking from the water in your fridge. I hope you don't mind."
"Huh? Oh!" I then raised my head to look at him, trying to force a smile out towards him. "Yeah, totally! Thanks for giving me a ride, Jimmy, I uh..."
Jimmy then waved his hand as his way of saying that he would now be on his way before turning his body away from me.
"Hey, Jimmy..." I said, with my head dropped low, but my gaze still rooted at the corners of the living room. "Can I stay at your place today?"
When Jimmy heard this, he stopped moving as I visibly saw him look troubled somehow. "You know that I'm just renting a hotel room here, right?"
"I... yes! Hotel, yes! Look, I will pay half of your rent or whatever, just, please..." I pleaded, almost dropping on my knees as my eyes wandered into the floor where Nicole's bloodied body once laid. "Please don't leave me alone yet."
Jimmy then looked back at me with his usual gentle tone as he placed his hands on his pockets. "Why?"
Why? I... Because...
"I don't want to sleep here tonight..."
I don't want Mother to look at me as I sleep in her house. That's my only wish. I want the cameras to stop pointing at me.
"What makes you think there are no cameras in my room?" Jimmy said as if he had read my thoughts.
"I..." I said while shaking my head as I felt a void swallowing the last sense of joy in my heart. "You're right. I'm sorry, Jimmy. Good night."
I was about to walk away from him to call our mutual friend's house and ask her about my daughter when Jimmy called out my name.
"Come with me."
"Where?"
"We're going for another drive."
I promptly agreed to him, and after what seemed like an eternity, we finally arrived at what looks like a... forest? Jimmy then unfastened his seatbelt and wordlessly left the car. I did the same and hurriedly walked towards Jimmy as he opened the back of his van. There I saw four thick mattresses, eight thick and white pillows, some blankets, and a few body towels.
"Get yours. I won't carry them for you." Jimmy said with some sense of coldness in his tone, but I could still see the usual smile on his face.
"What... exactly are we doing here, Jimmy?" I said as I hurriedly pulled a mattress from the inside of the van.
"We will be sleeping here tonight?" Jimmy said as he clasped two pillows between his arms.
"Are you serious?" I then looked at our surroundings. The forest is quiet, almost too quiet as if no other life could thrive within it. The trees loomed and towered us like cursed giants that will swallow us all whole without a sense or mercy.
"Yes." Jimmy then closed the van's door when he saw that we had both taken our shares. "We'll be okay around here. It's peaceful—it's the quietness we deserve, don't you think so?" He then walked towards the darkened area of the forest where the trees and bushes thrive. "If you want to have some privacy, then this is your best bet."
I then looked at Jimmy's back as he walked towards the forest. He looked back at me with a sluggish look on his sharp eyes.
It didn't long before I started walking beside Jimmy while carrying the mattresses, blankets, and pillows. Jimmy then placed his mattress on an open field surrounded by the many children of nature. I did the same as I felt the darkness finally creeping all over my body. It's so damn dark all over us that I couldn't even see if we're being surrounded by trees or giant humans with bushy hair. Nevertheless, Jimmy just simply laid on his mattress and tucked his body underneath the blanket wordlessly, laying there soundlessly. I did the same, and when I finally felt my body on the mattress, I finally realized why Jimmy took me here.
There are no surveillance cameras. The darkness surrounds us so much that no camera could possibly see whatever we're doing here clearly just in case the Mother placed some cameras all over the trees. Everywhere my eyes go, I could only see nothing but darkness clasping its lightless grasp around my body that nothing changes even whether my eyes are closed or not. I am also pretty sure that Mother wouldn't just put random night vision cameras in random places all over this huge-ass forest.
I then moved my body to a more comfortable position, and when I did so, I was greeted by the sight of a stag looking down at me with its towering antlers like he was a king looking at two sleeping travelers at his realm. He just stood there with no sign of moving as if he found some sort of enjoyment in looking at two grown-ass humans sleeping in the middle of the forest just like his other stag friends.
I was expecting to be petrified by my fear of this evil animal, but I didn't feel anything when I saw it looking down at me from afar. The surrounding is just so dark and uneasy that no amount of stag could ever get past through my fear threshold. It felt as if the nothingness of the forest invalidated my very own humanity—the past, the tragedies, the deaths, the fears almost felt... unimportant, unnecessary.
I then remembered the two couples who fell on the darkness beneath the floor of that ghastly stadium in the middle of The Caravan. They all just... fell there... and plummeted into the darkness where no one else could see them.
I laughed. I laughed so god damn hard that I could have almost sworn it woke up all the life around me. My laughter echoed so damn loudly in my surroundings that the stag who was gazing at me in the distance ran away from me as fast as his thin feet could.
Jimmy then looked at me with a horrified look—I must have woken him up the same way the birds fluttering above us started panicking into the air with their wings flapping loudly.
"Why the hell are you suddenly laughing so goddamn loud?" Jimmy uncharacteristically spoke in an anger-filled tone.
"No, no, no, I'm sorry!" I said in between my laughter. "It's just that..." I laughed some more as I raised my upper body upwards. "I finally got it."
"Got what?" Jimmy said as he also slowly raised his body while scratching his closed eyelids.
"The joke!" I continued to laugh as the darkness around me finally didn't seem like such an aggressive thing anymore—it was more like a sanctuary now where I can laugh as hard as I can without Mother knowing anything about it. "I finally got the joke!"
I continued to laugh as loud as I could as my voice echoed all over the stillness of the universe as if the only thing that mattered at that time was me and my hearty laughter.
The darkness of the night, the dampness of the soil, the dirtiness of the surrounding, and the moistness of the air made me remember where I was a few years ago.
I'm finally home.