iris_wu

Trace Back

Suzy Su is forty years old, single, and has spent the last twelve years in the same Silver Lake apartment, building a life that looks stable from the outside. She's an immigration attorney at a small firm — good at her job, respected by her colleagues, and invisible to everyone who matters. She has a mother in Pasadena who knows she's gay but never talks about it. She has a set of rituals — coffee, work, a run she never enjoys, a plant she keeps forgetting to water — that she calls a life. She is not prepared for what comes next. Routine bloodwork reveals she is HIV-positive. The viral load and CD4 count suggest she's been infected for three to seven years. In that window, she's had four sexual contacts: Shelly, the older woman who taught her how to be a lesbian in a world that didn't want her; Claire, the high-powered corporate attorney who mirrored Suzy's own ambition so perfectly they became each other's walls; Kevin, her oldest friend, the only man she's ever trusted, and one night she's never talked about; and Kate, the auto mechanic who showed her that happiness could be easy — and then left her because she couldn't figure out how to be happy back. The novel follows Suzy over the course of one month as she contacts each of them, telling them they may have been exposed. But the investigation into the virus becomes an investigation into her own life. She realizes she's been building a case not against a person, but against a way of living — a life built on avoidance, on never wanting anything too much, on keeping people at a distance where they can't hurt her. Each former partner forces her to confront a version of herself she's tried to outrun: with Shelly, she's the frightened twenty-three-year-old who didn't know how to be loved; with Claire, she's the thirty-year-old who was too proud to be vulnerable; with Kevin, she's the woman who uses intimacy as anesthesia; and with Kate, she's the person who let the best thing in her life walk away because she didn't believe she deserved to keep it. The suspense structure follows a classic Agatha Christie trajectory: the suspects are introduced, red herrings are planted, and the reader — along with Suzy — is led toward a conclusion that seems inevitable in retrospect. But the novel subverts the whodunit form. There is no villain. The person who gave Suzy the virus did not know they had it. And the question Suzy has to answer is not "who?" but "what now?" TRACE BACK is a literary suspense novel set in contemporary Los Angeles — a city of highways and hidden lives, where people reinvent themselves for a living and the past is always just a few exits away. It explores the gap between the stories we tell ourselves and the truths we refuse to see, the particular loneliness of the Asian-American experience in queer spaces, and the strange, quiet grace of learning to live with something you can't undo. Told in present tense with a propulsive, emotionally precise voice, the novel moves between Suzy's present-day investigation and extended flashbacks that form complete narrative arcs. Each relationship is a novella folded inside the larger story, and each one redefines what the reader — and Suzy — thinks they know about love, trust, and the difference between being hurt and being harmed. At its heart, this is not a story about a virus. It's a story about a woman who has spent forty years building walls, and who finally — through an accident of biology and a series of difficult phone calls — learns to let them down.