yoradan

i came from tiktok and had a read through it. the prose is quite weak and the hook isnt really there. i think the pacing needs to be slowed a lot. maybe an extra chaptr or two showing the trials and his birthday in more detail in terms of what he expects

from the earlier paras

blud repeated himself

writing went good to bad in 3 chapters lmao

nice simple and evocative prose. solid

honestly its a pretty solid chapter 1

nice intro so far

i just ran it through a gpt checker and yeah, its mostly ai written whcih explains why its so awkward

bit of a dissapointing intro tbh hate when authors narrate way too much with strange info dumps

the story is very good but surprising