StCollektor

Oh, so one paragraph can surely evoke sympathy for the protagonist, that's just how it works... Author, if you really want to understand what sympathy is and how to work with it properly, watch Rick and Morty season 7, episode 4.

Sorry about my English. Oh, finally, this pointless chapter is over. Seriously, I don’t get what’s wrong with these authors – why do you try to make the reader feel for the protagonist in the very first chapter? That’s the hardest route there is. Writing a competent drama in the first chapter isn’t just difficult, it’s an art form, the highest possible pinnacle of writing. Because, you know, writing is meant to evoke emotions in readers, and you want to achieve that in the first chapter... I don’t know where this nonsense came from, but it needs to stop, and you need to write competent openings.

I don’t like this bit; I commented precisely in the mood that this passage evoked in me. And anyway, it’s rubbish because it kills the fight completely. There’s no action, no danger, because it’s all buried under a ton of context.

Please excuse my English. Why I quit this job. In short, it’s all pretty standard: mum in hospital, injustice, the tower. These are typical elements of such stories, just wrapped up in a different package. However, I knew this when I opened the work, and I was waiting for something special. Some ‘twist’ that would set this typical plot apart from the rest: the protagonist’s strong motivation, their high level of professionalism, or some interesting power, perhaps a well-thought-out system. In short, 10 chapters in and I haven’t seen any such highlight to catch my attention. Yes, it’s written beautifully, the writing style is quite rich and substantial, but what’s written is uninteresting.

You have no idea how difficult it is to ‘simply replace a hammer handle’. Even if you’ve got a ready-made handle and the other tools, it’s not that simple at all, and here we’re talking about any old piece of wood...

Am I expecting a good story? Isn’t that obvious? But the problem with my whingeing is that the author might take the 5-star ratings and praise from others as: “YOU’RE A GENIUS, AUTHOR!” “You don’t need to think about improving – you do everything perfectly!” No, it’s not perfect; the first few chapters are rubbish.

Please excuse my English. The writing style is vivid; indeed, when it comes to describing a scene, you really feel the warm atmosphere and the lively imagery. However, this is both a plus and a minus at the same time. The main character is not two-dimensional; he is ordinary, but in a good way. Although that also means he is not very charismatic. The world is quite interesting and realistic. At the very least, the system is not bad. Now for the downsides: the beginning is terrible. What annoyed me the most was when, during a battle, the main character recalls the academy, his lessons, his family, and then starts talking about magic as well. Then he casts a spell, and returns again to lessons at the academy, explanations of magic, family... You just have to grit your teeth and endure it; it gets better later on. Now let's focus on the internal logic of the story. The plot is not bad; the main character faces serious problems, but it doesn't feel like "just solved one crisis, and another one starts"—instead, everything happens at once, without a clear structure or sense of purpose. Example: the main character almost died forever after meeting a demon, and instead of continuing to get stronger, he starts an investigation. This mini-arc raised only one question for me: why? You are weak and incapable of anything; even if you unravel the whole plan, what will change? And you know what? Nothing changes! The main character doesn't use this knowledge at all and just starts grinding levels. Why this investigation mini-arc is needed there is unclear, but it exists. But then the author removes the main character's brain. So, the hero has a weak spot, something that could be the end for him: his soul. He realizes this, since the demon got to him even in this new cycle. What would any person with at least minimal intelligence do? Would they protect this resource? Would they listen to what they were taught at the academy? Perhaps a simple instinct for self-preservation would kick in? NO! The main character will squander his soul even on ordinary monsters! The excuse: I want to get stronger faster! (Why wait for the end of the month for a paycheck when you can sell a kidney right here and now and buy an iPhone!) Of course, this is needed for unique development, but the problem is that the author failed to explain rationally and logically why the main character has to do this! So it turns out that the main character had to have his brain amputated because the author couldn't come up with any logic. There is no sense that every word, every action, and every revelation is in its place; rather, it looks like a mess. The author either didn't have a plan, or that plan was poorly executed. But overall, it's not bad, much better than most works, I recommend it.

What difference does it make which section it is? If it’s rubbish and it annoys me, I’ll write something.

The point isn’t whether he saw the demon or not, but that the pace of the narrative affects how the scene is interpreted. If the situation calls for swift action and a quick reaction, yet all I see is—not even an analysis, but memories from the academy... Well, sorry, but that ruins the whole picture.

Ah, as I’ve already said, the problem is that it’s all crammed into one chapter. The cryptic words aren’t what makes this story great; they just distract from the dream. If the dream plays such a big part, then it should be given more attention. (But I still hate it when stories start with a dream.)