StCollektor

In what sense is he clever!? In what way does he display the exceptional intelligence of an extraordinary person?

Sorry for my English. Right, so the protagonist won through his wits; I’ll admit, honestly, it shattered my expectations. In a good way. But I have two complaints: Firstly, the chemistry is there, but why did we switch off the physics? Why did the superpower stop so conveniently? Why does losing consciousness stop momentum and inertia? Why on earth didn’t the superhero’s unconscious body knock the protagonist the hell away? Secondly, this whole fight makes no sense at all. Because the aim of this battle was to test the protagonist’s abilities, not his knowledge of chemistry and a touch of cunning.

Sorry for my English. Am I the only one who smells some shitty storytelling here? I’d get it if the protagonist had first tested his abilities and only then agreed to fight the hero. That’s smart, clever, and cunning. But when he doesn’t even know his own capabilities and suddenly agrees to fight a Rank B opponent? That’s not just a lack of brains—it’s character destruction! Because earlier we were told he’s a killer and all that, and then this same person, without analyzing his own strength, goes into battle against a superhuman!?

Please excuse my English. First of all, even the strongest feelings should be expressed with words, not capital letters. Second, a child or teenager in this situation wouldn’t use so many words or such complicated ones.

If I have to read a glossary just to read your book, then you're a shitty author.

Please excuse my English. To put it very briefly, it’s a gem – not quite a masterpiece, but very close. The most striking aspect is the writing style: free of any complexity or pomposity, simply elegant and effortless. You can read it for hours without realising how time flies. Despite the fact that the author used rather simplistic techniques to elicit emotions from the reader, he succeeded. I’ve seen hundreds of works that start off with whingeing, but this one is unique – it’s the only one that evoked the right emotions. Now, regarding the plot – and this is actually the weakest part. Thirty-four chapters have passed, filled with lovely scenes featuring picturesque imagery and introductions to other characters, but in reality, the protagonist has just emerged from the cellar, read a couple of books, started training in chapter 30, and that’s essentially it. In other words, there’s been virtually no progress. There are chapters describing the castle, and there are chapters entirely devoted to meeting a character who’s only spoken three lines, yet there’s no progress. So, some chapters could easily be shortened or merged, which would significantly improve the story as a whole. Logic: I understand why the protagonist went to the archives. I thought it was obviously to find a way to cure the poison and perhaps identify the culprits who poisoned him, or a way to become stronger. But the protagonist is reading military reports and logistics documents, and showing off in front of the librarian! Is that really a priority right now!? Reflections on the rifts, the mention of Lily and her stories—all of this is certainly well-written, but it’s completely unnecessary right now! Also, despite the analytical aspect of his talent, after 34 chapters I still haven’t gotten answers to these questions: Does pumping ether through damaged pathways just hurt? Doesn’t that make the problem worse? Or, on the contrary, does using ether improve the condition of the pathways? How do physical and aetheric toxins affect the poison? Does the body expel it on its own, or is an antidote needed? I really lack understanding on these issues. But overall, this work is a gem, and I’ll be keeping an eye out for updates.

No, not the weather, but a fundamental truth – the inner logic of the work.

The problem is that this is what you think, not what the text actually says.

Please excuse my English. Typical. His parents are dead, his sister’s in the hospital. She’s dying, and so is he. I realize this is awful, that it’s a despicable, primitive, cliché plot device. But for some reason, it actually stirred up some emotions. Wow. Beautiful.

Sorry about my English. Wow, I guessed right—two chapters on “getting to know the world.” Totally boring chapters, by the way. Then I predicted the training, and oh my god, I have the skill [Foreseeing the Future!] Just kidding—I have the skill [A Nose for Clichés.] Well, author, your writing style is really good, but what’s written doesn’t move the plot forward. Sure, you can paint a beautiful picture, but that’s all—a story is about movement and development. A static picture is boring; a dynamic picture, scenes that serve multiple purposes—that’s true mastery.