alexistherukus
of reading
1
Read books
you have said this guys mind was wondering like 3 times man
Like this was a good paragraph to ahow that he lives alone without doing too much to just tell us
Instead of directly telling us that he lives alone and his family sucks all in one go, which is kinda a dump of information, try to show us that slowly. Leave space for the reader to come up with their own conclusions until you get a chance to show them. It will help keep people reading and interested bc they don't know were the story is gonna go next
I told u I was gonna judge you harshly but I think you should add a paragraph or two in-between this and the last ones bc it feels like you are rushing the story. We went from her asking the class a question to her handing out a test with nothing of substance in the middle of it. You need to get people hooked on the first chapter and when you rush through it people don't get to know anything about your character all we know right now is that he's smart. Other than that it's good so far
☝️🤓