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J_D_Johnathan

Lv2

Hello guys(and ladies). I am Author-kun, or Immortal-kun as I liked to call myself. I am just another random dude trying to make up the best stories he could come up with. IMMORTAL-KUN OUT

2023-10-19 JoinedGlobal
-d

Writing

4.3h

of reading

338

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Moments
522
  • J_D_Johnathan7 months ago
    Commented

    This chapter... seems rushed. The sentences that should be separated were yet again, actions and thoughts should be separated into different sentences. Not to mention, the pov doesn't really include all the things it should have, the emotion and awareness is missing, while including things that should be used in a 3rd person pov like the intensity of the pain, etc. Honestly, All in all, 4.9/10 for this one, sorry. That's all for now.

    This book has been deleted.
  • J_D_Johnathan7 months ago
    Commented

    with pleasure

    This book has been deleted.
  • J_D_Johnathan7 months ago
    Commented
    This book has been deleted.
  • J_D_Johnathan7 months ago
    Commented

    what's there to see?

    This book has been deleted.
  • J_D_Johnathan7 months ago
    Commented

    why are you still this calm? THE DAMN BUILDING IS ABOUT TO COLLAPSE AND MANY WILL DIE

    This book has been deleted.
  • J_D_Johnathan7 months ago
    Commented

    classic

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  • J_D_Johnathan7 months ago
    Commented

    bruh

    This book has been deleted.
  • J_D_Johnathan7 months ago
    Commented

    Hmm, should separate thoughts from actions ngl

    This book has been deleted.
  • J_D_Johnathan7 months ago
    Commented

    plot

    This book has been deleted.
  • J_D_Johnathan7 months ago
    Commented

    shit, almost wrote a paragraph here

    This book has been deleted.