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The contrast between this story and Novus Magus is interesting. Two very different stories from what I can tell. Whilst I haven't read all of this story, I think it has potential from what I've read thus far but it feels like it's missing something. What that is, I have no idea. Still, a good read, your imagery is great and the first-person storytelling makes it more personal. I like it.
I've only read two chapters of this story but I've really enjoyed what I've read so far and I will be adding it to my library so I can continue reading in my spare time. It has great potential, and I could see it being adapted into an anime. From what I can tell so far, there's a completely original, marvelous world to be explored here. I look forward to seeing where this story goes!