I know that Becky Chambers book and wow - that's a huge compliment! Thanks so much for the helpful feedback. There are definitely a lot of improvements needed. Some things are stylistic choices, though. Like the repeated use of broken sentences. It's risky craft-wise but definitely a deliberate choice. Thanks again! 💕

Oh, she totally did. lol

Thanks for the feedback! 💕

I like what I've read so far. There are few areas where the syntax seems a bit off/unnatural but that, I think is a minor issue. For the time being, our girl seem to be the perfect victim but I hope that over time, this character will be developed to the point where she has some agency and can gather the gumption to to what it takes to save herself!

Thanks so much for the feedback! 💕 (By the way, I'm very intrigued by the concept of the Rakshas Apocalypse. I'll be checking out that story too!)

I was very detailed (wordy) mostly because it is only the first chapter. This story has a TON of potential. Don't waste it! 🥰

This is promising. I think you have the beginnings of what could be a really twisted and captivating story. 😎The first chapter is all there is right now but these are my immediate impressions: the first scene--while, yeah, it IS gory and graphic, kinda lacks the visceral tension and feeling you'd expect to get from such a violent scene. We see what the killer is doing but it's all very matter of fact, like a reporter giving a news report. What's the killer thinking? What's the victim thinking and feeling? I don't mean just physically, but emotionally. What's going throught their heads in that moment? This about how you'd use this scene to to shock and horrify the reader. That, I think is the aim of psychological horror. (Have you ever watched Wire in the Blood? That might provide a useful frame of reference)The scenes that come after could easily be fleshed out into chapters two and three. That first scene could use some more meat. Immerse yourself in it. Let yourself like really **feel** the the horror, terror, and aversion or else -- I feel like you'd be robbing yourself of half the fun of even writing it in the first place (which is something I'm also telling myself because I tend to rush/breeze through stories/scenes too 😒)

Yay - thanks. Your feedback is very much appreciated. When you say character designs, am I right in thinking it's more along the lines of the character arcs/charcters (personality) development? I feel like I have somewhat of a handle on physical description (I do get lazy sometimes) but I get the sense that my weak area is more fundamental than that. You know, like characters seeming a bit flat as opposed to 3-diminesional, etc... I appreciate you pointing that out. It gives me something tangible to work on. 😎👌

ooh - thanks so much for that feedback! This helps a lot. Other than chapter 11, being the exception - I can definitely see what you mean too... 🤔

A very intense, fast paced, and interesting story. Aside from some syntax issues and some unecessary exposition (info dump--and heck, I'm guilty of that a lot too) this is a pretty good story and I'll definitely keep it in my library so I can read more.

This one is a tough sell for me but I'll admit I do tend to be quite demanding when it comes to erotic prose. I do expect a certain degree of... finesse, I guess? Seeing a man objectify/dehumanize women--whether intentionally or not-- by referring to them broadly as "females" only means one thing to in my mind and that's veiled mysoginy. That, unfortunately, ruined the whole reading experience for me. In any case, I guess it totally works as idle/tongue-in-cheek wish-fullfiment...?

Whoah. Thanks a million. You review has completely blown me away!

This story concept is promising but there are some some issues with the basic mechanics of writing in this story. The first thing I noticed about this story was that the writer is constantly switching back and forth from present tense, to past tense throughout the story. I would suggest picking and making every effort to stick with one or the other. The dialague needs work. The dialogue feels a bit awkward in some places and there is an excessive use of uncessary dailogue tags. Also there some lines where words are contracted like "I'm" or "won't" but then in many areas the writer does not contract these phrases, so we end up with "I am" or "will not" - I would suggest being consistent in this regard as well. Reedsy has a very helpful article on how to write dialogue that flows well and improves reader experience. https://blog.reedsy.com/guide/how-to-write-dialogue/ - when writing dialogue, to the author, I also suggest reading what you've written aloud to yourself and just check, is that how you sound when you speak? Is that how your words sound in your head when you think? Try to make it feel as natural as possible. I'm making these suggestion because the author appear to be serious about becoming a writer and improving at the craft. Please do feel free to take these suggestions with a grain fo salt, however, it takes many years of writing to develop a real knack for the craft and you have to be willing to work on weak areas. I've been writing for a long tiem and I still have weak areas and a lot to learn. That's just the nature of the craft. Do I think the writer is off to a great start? Absolutely! I'm being earnest because they seem to be serious about their aspirations and I'd really love to see them grow and succeed as a writer.

This is a cute story and I can see how it would resonate with audiences of a certain age/mindset. It does start out with a bit of excessive exposition, which detracts somewhat from the action/flow of the first part of the story. The way the characters speak and express their emotions isn't my cup of tea, personally, but that's probably because I'm not the ideal demographic for this type of story. I'm interested in seeing how this authors grows and develops their writing craft. The worldbuilding is quite creative but does feel a bit scattered/not quite coherent. Even so, I believe the writer is off to a very good start. I'd love to continue seeing where their writing takes them.

Thanks so much for reading and sharing your thoughts on this story! I'll do my best to keep it interesting! :)

Tightly action packed zombie horror that doesn't feel run of the mill or plot-starved. I love the visceral imagery and how the main characters personality comes through strongly and clearly. This story is well written and interesting--definitely a keeper in my library!