Someday when I grow up and become a real author, I want to write like you. Seriously.

😨 Scary!!

Very captivating story. I look forward to reading more.

I know this type of relationship. We all say we would never accept it, but when it happens, it's little by little, and the days aren't always bad. Then, sometime ten years later, you are mentally spent, financially dependent, and wondering why you feel suicidal. Most women blame themselves. It's not their fault they fell foe the physical embodiment of Satan. Their love is a master of deception, and they just wanted love. So sad.

She should run from this man. He's a classic narcissist personality. Excellent character development.

Fabulous close door scene, enough to tell the action and leave the rest to the reader's imagination.

Very professionally written. Excellent intros into the mind of the MC in the preceeding chapters. No superfluous words, just enough to move the story along. Bravo.

Gorgeous setting description, I can see it through your words.

Ooh. This is a great set up!!! Can't wait to read more.

Overall, I think this is a good start. I liked the flow of the story and the set up for drama. I would have liked to see some character descriptions a bit more prominently to get an idea of these characters in my mind. Additionally, introducing several characters at once makes it a bit confusing for your reader. Chapter titles with the name of one character and their interactions can help with this. You can unfold their story and really make us love or hate them appropriately. I did love a lot about your story and will keep reading. Great work author!

I love this paragraph. It's very telling of the character's soul and resonates with any person who has invested everything they have into a project.

Great read, pulls the reader along easily. I flew through chapters 1-28. One nit as far as critique, though it was explained in the paragraph, the revelation of how he knew about the child.

Beautifully laced with double intention and meaning. Black eyes could mean negative thinking, or it could mean literal black eyes from being beaten, but still the poet looks to the light and positive. I never expected to find such a gem here. Thank you.

Beautiful words, great chapter.

[img=thinking]I'm laughing out loud. Truly.

This is actually an untrue statement. As few as five cigarettes per day can still cause lung cancer. In the research paper I read, it's thought the smoker inhales deeper due to not having as many cigarettes and thus does more damage. If you'd like to keep the smoking for now, but keep true to the story, have him figure out he's losing 10,000 lottery pts every time he has a smoke, or something so significant he quits.

I'm not sure the SOB reference fits. It's too modern for the world setting."You think you can get away with touching me? You're a contemptuous blood sucking leech. Leave my sight despicable, insignificant worm."

I like this guy.

Hehe. A great line, which accurately conveys the moment before the teeth smashing, and thorough thrashing begins. I can envision his stance to be like Bruce Lee, in Enter the Dragon... and that wry smile. Hehe.

😆 Ha!