Rowan_Marilee
Hello, world! I'm Rowan, and I'm an engineering student who's dipping a toe into writing because why not. I enjoy music, webnovels, webcomics, and learning. Oh, and memes, of course. Have a good day!
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Rowan_Marilee10mthCommentedIt’s nice that the first person he encountered who read the book liked it.
'He's right in front of your eyes. Don't complain too much, my friend.'- Rowan_Marilee10mthReplied to SageEnds
Annotations? If he happens to want to use it for a project, he might not want to mark up the book he reads regularly.
"As soon as I finished reading this book, I bought two more copies for myself. One for preservation, one for enjoyment and one for practical use." - Rowan_Marilee10mthCommented
“Should I be relieved or disappointed that my failures didn’t make into the history books?” vibes
It only took half of a day to write down thirty years worth of failures. It probably would have been much faster to use a keyboard. It had been such an empty life. Juho stared into the notebook that had been filled with his history. - Rowan_Marilee10mthCommented
I don’t know, maybe the bum shmuck who has been skirting around the concept of death and is currently at risk of drowning in some old river?
'This punk is a hindrance. Who's going to die anyway?' Thought Juho. - Rowan_Marilee10mthCommented
Ouch
Juho prayed every night before bed for the sun not to rise. After waking up, he would think about when the damn planet was going to end. Knowing that life would be a repetition of ambiguous days, he couldn't help but sigh. - Rowan_Marilee10mthCommented
Awww
"You look pretty with brown hair and brown eyes," the countess complimented. - Rowan_Marilee10mthCommented
It might be useful to read your chapters out loud when editing to catch tense jumbling. It looks like this usually happens when transitioning between actions and character thoughts.
I sat in front of the countess, and we started eating peacefully. To be honest, the food tastes great. Everything is delectable and savory, but the atmosphere around us is quite awkward. I can only hear the sound of the utensils clacking. - Rowan_Marilee11mthCommented
I would recommend letting the chapter be in objective third point of view since that is how it was structured. This paragraph feels a little out of place, considering that the character was already described in third person and the next mention is also in third person.
This paragraph has been deleted. - Rowan_Marilee11mthCommented
I recommend starting a new paragraph starting at "It is a trauma..." and switching to future tense during that paragraph, for it looks like the narrator is briefly breaking the fourth wall to give context about the current situation's impact.
This paragraph has been deleted. - Rowan_Marilee11mthCommented
-on my feet since they were bleeding excessively? Ouch!
This paragraph has been deleted. - Rowan_Marilee11mthReplied to MayonnaiseHunter
He doesn't like humans.
[Y-You want to eat? In any case, Earth trash…] - Rowan_Marilee11mthCommented
Hmm. I wonder if there's anyone that she doesn't want to find her.
This paragraph has been deleted. - Rowan_Marilee11mthCommented
"Who invited you into this space that I just walked into? Tut tut, the nerve of some people."
[The constellation 'Prisoner of the Golden Headband' frowns at the appearance of the uninvited people.] - Rowan_Marilee11mthCommented
I like that they got time together. That was sweet.
This paragraph has been deleted. - Rowan_Marilee11mthCommented
Oop. He's got a point, if a small one.
This paragraph has been deleted. - Rowan_Marilee11mthCommented
Ewww, he sounds like a walking talking red flag.
This paragraph has been deleted. - Rowan_Marilee11mthCommented
You might want to watch for what tense you want to go for. Past tense implies that the story has already happened and she's around to tell it, present tense implies that the story is occuring and she's telling it right now.
This paragraph has been deleted. - Rowan_Marilee11mthReplied to Rowan_Marilee
Unless this was one search using a littany of keywords.
I called out several item names. After a moment, a list of items emerged in front of me. - Rowan_Marilee11mthCommented
Hello, IT? This incarnation is broken and won't let me login into the interface.
[This isn't possible. How can there be a firewall preventing the system interference…?] - Rowan_Marilee11mthReplied to sarahoy
I'm wondering if the doors are one of those automatic sliding doors. In that case, the mechanism could've been damaged by the earlier ruckus.
The iron door seemed like it could barely hold on for one minute. Despite being the main character, I didn't think he would have such high strength in the beginning. I was honestly surprised that he could break such a thick iron door.