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luiz_S29dReplied to Weebish_JediCh 126 Fugaku Destroyed Box - bonus chapter- luiz_S1mthCommentedI came to the city of FrostRoar and bought some of the materials needed for the isolation of the coming months. I went to the first blacksmith, but he soon judged me as a poor boy and didn't pay attention to me, as I was poorly dressed and a child. Of course, I left after that; I felt like punching that face. Father, I don't know why, but lately, my blood easily explodes, and I seem like an uncontrolled wolf; I feel my body burning with a cold and boiling sensation at the same time, strange, isn't it? I can't explain. When I left, I found that bard right after; I continued my way through the city and found a novice blacksmith with a sad story. His name is William, who had to flee from the Vale Arryn to seek shelter in the north because his family fought with a larger house, vassals of Jon Arryn, and were killed in the confrontation. I offered him 4 moons to stay with me for gold coins, and he accepted; it was even too much for me, an 8-nameday-old child to build armor for 5 giants, so I offered him a job as an extra hand. Leaving the blacksmith to prepare for the journey and say goodbye to the rest of his family in the city, I went to a leather shop and bought more material that I needed. You must be wondering how I got money for all this; I can understand that an eight-nameday-old child with gold coins in his pocket is a bit suspicious, but I didn't steal, I swear! I swear by all the old gods. I have some special skills and can command animals like the Wargs of legends and see their memories. Not only that, but I can also detect metals in the ground, whether beneath it or on the surface of a considerable area.
- luiz_S1mthCommentedCh 51 Death Eaters
- luiz_S3mthCommentedCh 24 CH-22. MESSAGES
- luiz_S3mthCommented
I had never seen this analogy, I thought it was excellent
So I was not sad or regretting my death, but I do wonder how it happened. There was no accident or sickness as far as I remember. As a matter of fact I can't remember anything, similar to trying to remember the exact time when you fell asleep. It is at the tip of your tongue, but you can't pinpoint it exactly. - luiz_S3mthCommentedCh 16 [15]
- luiz_S3mthCommented
Upon opening the door, Jenny immediately hugged Ianthe tightly as said "I'm glad you're okay. I was worried about you when we didn't hear from you." in this style it would be much easier to understand who is speaking and still maintain a separation between the MC and the other characters. But since it's still the beginning, I'll read a little more and see if you've changed anything as the chapters go by.
This paragraph has been deleted. - luiz_S3mthCommented
this would be a point where it should be written as her seeing the scene or as a narrator describing
Rick: walking closer to the door, I jump back when something starts banging against it and hearing moaning sounds as the banging against the door gets more violent. - luiz_S3mthCommented
Maybe you'd better not use first person for anyone other than the main character If everyone speaks as if they were the main character in each dialogue, it will be extremely confusing for the reader.
Rick: as we walk down the hall I say well if they're still there then we'll meet up with them at the house they told you. - luiz_S3mthCommentedCh 13 The Prison
- luiz_S6mthReplied to Fire_Boy_5319Ch 19 Notice
- luiz_S8mthCommentedCh 16 Chapter 16: The Turnaround
- luiz_S8mthCommentedCh 13 Chapter 13: Damn it!
- luiz_S8mthCommentedCh 8 8 Doubts of being a ninja?