For your first chapter, this is a pretty good start! Yoshifumi seems like the kind of guy who's done putting up with Grey Street's shit. I liked how it turned out that the guy threatening him with a knife was actually using a shitty little plastic McDonald's knife, instead of, like, a shank or whatever. Anyways, although I really do need to watch JJBA to get context for this, my theory is that the ghostly white arm is Yoshi's (I'm calling him Yoshi from now on, banan) stand. It probably manipulates time or something. Overall, it could use some work, but good job on your first chapter!

Didn't think anyone else besides me did auxiliary chapters like this. But hey, I'm impressed! It also amazes me how you were able to put out more than double my work in only a third of the time. I started out by releasing 1 chapter per week, but then I cut that out after 3 and a half months. It just wasn't for me. Now I release chapters whenever I want! And hey, if you ever wanna chat, my Discord username is thebeast1723!

"very calm and collected", he said.

Worse, in this case, being Dragon Ball GB: The Movie.

To be fair, this is only the first chapter of the story. The next chapter is releasing on Monday. Hopefully, the next chapter will be more suited to your standards.