Max_Attack

The writing itself is meh, but great relative to the other people on this app. The character interactions are awkward and pretty shallow. Furthermore, Itachi is a genius ninja and then some, so anyone who writes him is in for a challenge, one I think you’ve failed, no offense. All of this could’ve been overlooked, but there’s just one thing I can’t stand; He keeps all his ninjutsu which breaks the rules of the JJK universe. Moreover, everyone seemingly ignores this fact like it’s unimportant. Also, there’s apparently no difference between using EC and chakra, so yeah. He’s also directly transported into the world with no reincarnation or background of any sort, which is also ignored.

So dramatic…

How many times is this man gonna lose an arm?

A black lion, really? Will gold rain from the sky? Dragon eggs be found in crypts, etc? Try and keep it somewhat plausible.

Such a lame name, no offense.

The grammar’s good. The phrasing and writing isn’t bad. It’s not nonsensical or too unrealistic. I like the premise, and think it has some potential. I wish he was more martial, though, because there’s an overwhelming emphasis for technological advancement that doesn’t leave room for much else. Furthermore, I think it’s lacking in the social networking department which is disappointing for an heir. That aside, I think it’s biggest flaw is the slow development; five chapters in and we’re still on the same damn thing. The chapters lack substance, substantial change that makes you want to keep reading, almost to the point that it’s more of a diary than a story, which is a big problem for most fanfics. I know I’ve been bashing it, but it’s quite good compared to a lot of other fanfics, and the world building elements are quite promising, so I’ll stick with it. Author, please remember that each chapter should be the next step of a good story unfolding, not a slow monologue of his life.

Given how predominant the Manderlys are, Wylla seems like the most logical choice. Although, I don’t really mind if it’s any of those pairings.

Dragon hunter with a dragon that literally hunts dragon. I’d be disappointed if it was anything else. Also is it being number one an indication of your preference?

Thanks for the CHP

Thanks for the CHP