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Omali_Bart

Omali_Bart

Lv1
2022-12-28 JoinedGlobal
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3
  • Omali_Bart
    Omali_Bart1yr
    Posted

    story seems fine other than some grammatical errors so far but keep it up I can see this becoming pretty good with more parts of the story being added

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    Games · FarmerOfBrilliance
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  • Omali_Bart
    Omali_Bart1yr
    Commented

    also you can possibly change the part that speaks about the door swing open to reveal the stormy night sky and slams shut to something like "to see the door swung open revealing the stormy night sky only to slam shut at their arrival" or something like that

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    Games · FarmerOfBrilliance
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  • Omali_Bart
    Omali_Bart1yr
    Commented

    gave chase not gave chased

    This paragraph has been deleted.
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    Games · FarmerOfBrilliance
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