I like the way how you start off the novel and yes the story is quite the grasping type. Just wanna say that this author, held me at gun-point to give this review.

The first chapter seemed quite interesting and one could say that it is a hook, grasping the viewer closer. There were a few lines that had some errors and i guess some structural issues, but aside from those, it was a nice first chapter. If i were to rate it out of a score of 10, probably a 7 . The only minor problem i have with the chapter is that some of the sentences were kinda long and you 100% explain everything to the finest detail. Like when you said "Sora's dark brown eyes, peered into Liam's green eyes". However parts like that be overlooked and overall once again a good pilot.

the " hurt more than you" that is probably a grammatical error. Perhaps the word 'hurt' had to be 'heard' considering it doesnt suit the line.

the part with hair "reaching his neck" and the part with the surroundings "around it", to me seem unnecessary