Sereinchoo
I shy and I write : Author of ZuoMeng: To Dream. For fan art and more info go to KoFi. Click on link to find more info about me and my works. Get latest updates there : https://linktr.ee/serein.choo
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The premise was interesting - a transmigrated author, it has a lot of potential. The opening was quite relatable, although I hope that there's a bit more of what the author is working on (his novel) so that I could have a better grasp of the world that he is transmigrated to, so I could understand his choices a bit better.
Did it mentioned any where - what his novel is about?
Sleep I understand but not eating ?!
thank you ~
happy~
For the blurb - you can make it an open question like. It would make the blurb sounds more interesting. Ummi contended herself with admiring him from a distance until... > Until she wasn't, until she didn't or something happened and pull them together etc. Overall I do quite enjoyed it, there are areas to be improved but it's not a big of a deal, the story itself was good. Great job author!
maybe remove without moves - it sounds awkward, A guy entered the class, and went to his seat behind her. There was a moment of silence before he broke it and said, 'Hi'.*
Hmm what triggered the other student to remark her like that? Do they know about her background etc? People usually target appearance or background when insulting. Single mom, single daughter, ugly hair, acne face etc
Wondering what he says to her - he inquire her ... hmm
explain about her uniform - previous school has or doesn't have uniform and now she has one and it was quite stifling (will also shows us Ummi's personality)
These few paragraphs feels like infodump - it doesn't give any clues about Ummi as a person, it praises the school and in what context? will this relates back to anything that will happen later? like if she is interested in Math then there's a Math Competition which she interested to join later/and it will create another opportunity for the two to meet.