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Maybe_you_are_whit

Maybe_you_are_whit

Lv2
2022-11-20 JoinedGlobal
2.2h

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  • Maybe_you_are_whit
    Maybe_you_are_whit7mth
    Commented
    Wake up, the darkness does not welcome you.
    Arcanist Tales
    Fantasy · XcrapttS
    detail
  • Maybe_you_are_whit
    Maybe_you_are_whit7mth
    Replied to rander_toll

    Bajungas

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    Arcanist Tales
    Fantasy · XcrapttS
    detail
  • Maybe_you_are_whit
    Maybe_you_are_whit8mth
    Commented

    TELLL USSS

    tls123: You won't know it because it is an unknown competition.
    Omniscient Reader
    Urban · 싱숑
    detail
  • Maybe_you_are_whit
    Maybe_you_are_whit1yr
    Commented

    They*

    This book has been deleted.
  • Maybe_you_are_whit
    Maybe_you_are_whit1yr
    Commented

    Period instead if comma and too passive

    This book has been deleted.
  • Maybe_you_are_whit
    Maybe_you_are_whit1yr
    Commented

    Change punctuations in this

    This book has been deleted.
  • Maybe_you_are_whit
    Maybe_you_are_whit1yr
    Commented

    Make this sentence more active and less confusing

    This book has been deleted.
  • Maybe_you_are_whit
    Maybe_you_are_whit1yr
    Commented

    This dialogue confusing

    This book has been deleted.
  • Maybe_you_are_whit
    Maybe_you_are_whit1yr
    Commented

    No comma may be need here but not sure

    This book has been deleted.
  • Maybe_you_are_whit
    Maybe_you_are_whit1yr
    Commented

    Show don't tell

    This book has been deleted.
  • Maybe_you_are_whit
    Maybe_you_are_whit1yr
    Commented

    But comes after the comma

    This book has been deleted.
  • Maybe_you_are_whit
    Maybe_you_are_whit1yr
    Commented

    Limit passive sentences

    This book has been deleted.
  • Maybe_you_are_whit
    Maybe_you_are_whit1yr
    Commented

    Holding back might be less wordy

    This book has been deleted.
  • Maybe_you_are_whit
    Maybe_you_are_whit1yr
    Commented

    Lower case And ,

    This book has been deleted.
  • Maybe_you_are_whit
    Maybe_you_are_whit1yr
    Commented

    Ok now you telling much and not enough showing

    This book has been deleted.
  • Maybe_you_are_whit
    Maybe_you_are_whit1yr
    Commented

    The whole sentence maybe

    This book has been deleted.
  • Maybe_you_are_whit
    Maybe_you_are_whit1yr
    Commented

    Was coming can be changed to stronger verb

    This book has been deleted.
  • Maybe_you_are_whit
    Maybe_you_are_whit1yr
    Commented

    Capitals

    This book has been deleted.
  • Maybe_you_are_whit
    Maybe_you_are_whit1yr
    Commented

    It is???

    This book has been deleted.
  • Maybe_you_are_whit
    Maybe_you_are_whit1yr
    Commented

    Sentence somewhat boring

    This book has been deleted.