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Paul_B_4143

Paul_B_4143

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2022-11-14 JoinedGlobal
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  • Paul_B_4143
    Paul_B_41431yr
    Commented

    Thanks. Ver grippingy

    Ch 12 Tyrion Lannister
    ASOIAF: The white Dragon
    Book&Literature · waryfishy
    detail
  • Paul_B_4143
    Paul_B_41431yr
    Commented

    I soon did,

    It soon did the four arrows he had shot clamped softly between his jaws.
    ASOIAF: The white Dragon
    Book&Literature · waryfishy
    detail
  • Paul_B_4143
    Paul_B_41431yr
    Commented

    I like how you keep tension

    Ch 3 It's Time
    Attack on Titan: Crimson
    Anime & Comics · waryfishy
    detail
  • Paul_B_4143
    Paul_B_41431yr
    Commented

    Nice progession. Just make sure the reader can form a consistent picture, with what has been described.

    Ch 2 Companions
    Attack on Titan: Crimson
    Anime & Comics · waryfishy
    detail
  • Paul_B_4143
    Paul_B_41431yr
    Commented

    Gripping

    Ch 1 Waking Up
    Attack on Titan: Crimson
    Anime & Comics · waryfishy
    detail
  • Paul_B_4143
    Paul_B_41431yr
    Commented

    „tongue“

    The boy screamed as he hit its massive slimy tung, the massive teeth closing around him.
    Attack on Titan: Crimson
    Anime & Comics · waryfishy
    detail
  • Paul_B_4143
    Paul_B_41431yr
    Commented

    I like the description but the „figure“ may need more description. I know I have done this when I have written, because of what I have had in my minds-eye I have failed transfer to the text. If then say freakish features then the reader is unable to grasp what is freakish.

    Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a gigantic dark figure hidden deep in the forest, it was at least 10 metres tall with freakish features.
    Attack on Titan: Crimson
    Anime & Comics · waryfishy
    detail