Daoist68N3gH

I suggest keeping it at Genshin. Adding too many elements via a multiverse usually ends up with a story that’s all over the place with an unclear direction on where to take it further or at least that’s from the stuff I’ve read in the past.

Finding a Mahouka fanfic in the wild? That’s rare. It actually being decent. That’s practically endangered levels of rare. I look forward to reading the next update!

This seems like a promising story. I’m a big fan of writer stories like these mostly because I like seeing the reactions of other people. Anyway, I look forward to reading more!

The early chapters were pretty good but from what I noticed with these stories is that it tends to become the MC just being given power ups and then they start dealing with every problem like a blunt tool. Early on he was still making Nahida question their knowledge on how to rule a state. Later on in the story he got power ups and now starts picking fights directly. All wisdom disappeared in favor of just rule of cool fights. I still like the story overall and will still follow it but my interest has waned a lot to when the story started.

Caught up to the latest chapter and honestly, you could probably age up the mc to be like 10-15 and it probably would make it more reasonable in a way with all the talking and monologuing going on. It also gives the feeling like the story is dragging out a bit since we’re like 3yrs old so far and so many things are going on. I’m getting concerned that we’ll be 100 chapters in before we reach 10yrs old.

Bit of a slow burn with this story but so far it seems very promising. I look forward to reading more.

This has been an interesting story. I’m not usually a fan of football stories but it made me want to look up other football fics.

I just read the rewritten version. It feels more polished yeah. I like the increase in interactions and more complete sentences. It makes the story feel more alive as opposed to dry and cold with a lot of numbers and moves.

Rewriting is fine but try not to get stuck in that circle. As they say, the perfect is the enemy of the good.

This story might not be everyone’s cup of tea but I like these types of stories. I look forward to future updates!