_ST_8244

What is the point of wishes and even meeting a Rob. Just get straight to the story. You could have just stated before he reborn in his life he clicked a website and choose the only talent natural affinity and family side black then that creates the mc etc.

One thing you messed with wrong was having Harris and Harry for first meeting. Why does every HP fanfic have to follow or meet Harry let the mc do something different go to slytherin make friends there.

I don’t think the readers will think that way.

Keep the novel going.

I would say if you’re serious about I would start a new novel. Like the Mac being twin of felix the younger brother. Start from there the mid getting the memories around 10 and having let’s say cruyff template talent and that’s the only help. Up to you what you decide. It’s more creative than using ronaldo for everything.

Daoists1 I’ll be honest you’ve made two system football novel which isn’t really original. How about making it more unique. You’re clearly from Cameroon which I get. But how about making a novel without out a whole system and the Mc is just talented and gets a boost of one legend say cryuff templates from young to peak inborn in him but as you know to get good you have to train. Let’s say an mc born in portugal 2002 or 2003 and has a football family legend or cousin. His mum can be Cameroon and father Portuguese. That’s a good background

Author this novel has potential. I believe you should keep the pace slow for now and not rush it. I also believe that the Mac should be an Attacking midfielder rather than forward as if you think logically what brazil or Italy National team need is a midfielder as there are plenty of forwards. Plus as attacking midfielder you can still create assists and score goals. Also e reason why I said don’t rush is that this youth arc can create so much events like youth National team u12,14etc plus youth real life tournaments, international national youth tournaments. So don’t rush. I like how there’s no system and it’s proper detailed.

I stopped at chapter 4. You rushed the mc joining the first team for no reason. No wonder this novel isn’t rate highly. If you slowed the novel and gradually let the mc progress then yes he should join the first team. Plus started with felix when he was 10 years old. Everyone author with a system always chooses brazilian Ronaldo. I’ve got some tips if you need as I believe you should start again the whole novel

For relatives. I meant an entire new novel it wouldn’t matter now really in the current novel.

Fair enough. I don’t know how you’ll do it but the academy should be Bayern more honours that align with the mc plus famous players who would be there around that time. Of course he would get spotted. Just a suggestion. If you’re mc was 10 then by 12 he would go to Germany etc.