boring and bad

ur MC is turning/ is a Gary Stu. Doctor for human and Pokemon anatomy, Pokemon expert breeder, good trainer, good hacker. Pick a lane have him be the best at 1 or 2 things it's no fun if ur character is Jesus in all fields before age 10. Ik u say they still need more care but ur writing isn't good enough to convey that all he did was stop immediate death. So ur forced to simply his strengths or it comes of the MC is perfect. (especially since nobody has been better than him at anything yet) sam doesn't count coz he's directly trained by MC

other fic was good can I get a reason for dropping it?

what does the MC or anyone even look like???

Im going crazy. THE SERIES LITERALLY SAYS MINATO is the greatest sealing genius EVER. multiple times.By EVERYONE. what did u watch/read!!?? 🫠 Entire comment section has the most Ill informed confident people I've ever seen.

such an absurd thing to say when Tobi literally says minato is faster than him by miles and is shocked multiple times at Minato pulling his stuff off during the war arc. First thing the kage do once reanimated is have a speed competition dude like what coke r u on(like u didn't even read or watch the show). Tobirama is a good kage better than the 3rd but he is nowhere near Minato or hashirama in any category factually. And everything in the series points to that as clear.

useless descriptions like this litter so far. U do it often and it's taxing honestly. I believe he walked into the 'room' like 3 times(with an anxious monologue for each). Simplify ur scenes some of them repeat with no purpose. If the layout and specific things that litter a room we won't see again next chapter don't describe everything. The reader can infer for things like the king's bedchambers unless there's something unique or different about it keep things kurt with what's necessary.

it's also a little pathetic of the MC as klaus

too easy feels like fix it fic logic

:/

Nice I appreciate response to feedback. Yeah i could tell and i understand why things are the way they r it's reasonable for a new author and like i said the core of what u have is decent. As long as u try to be better u always just will be with time👍 and good luck sincerely :)

him not using the situation to his advantage to at least attempt to get people that straight up tried to murder him killed is insanely stupid.

...yeah u just aren't writing a smart MC here. he's had zero wins. Only one actually is when he instantly learned spirit energy other than that you've consistently made him make stupid choices and lose at every turn. Losses and pride have to be earned. Pride/arrogance needs to be backed up and u make a MC lose when they are up.

also doing stats and percentaged for one piece power system doesn't end well if the numbers aren't short, clean and low. U already have too much going on and we're 11 chapters in

this whole convo was honestly not that great. Besides grammar it felt really awkward and stunted for something thats significant enough to be the start of a bond. Shallow like someone who isn't an experienced writer. (but that's fine u can get better👍). Same thing with the ages ur writing doesn't feel like a 10yr old and 8 yr old talking but coz kuina died so young ur locked into this age to even meet here for this interaction to happen. Realistically at the rate of his progression it's not gonna take much to stand at the top of the world so it needed to take longer for him to be this strong which just loops back to the age constraints since u can't .gl tho👍

please god no

good stuff u just need to actually describe ur characters so we know what they look like especially the mc

ur MC knows all this yet not to cause a tide cool