CoffeeAddict77
Lv11
2022-06-27 JoinedGlobal
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CoffeeAddict7710mthCommentedthe details here can be expound more
By chance, a girl in a maid suit breathlessly rushed towards the gate. When Castor approached her, she's bathing from sweat.- CoffeeAddict7710mthCommented
can omit this
But this isn't the primary objective given to them. There are many suspects held, but the check-up wasn't over yet. - CoffeeAddict7710mthCommented
Show criminals going out the underground, etc.
The illegal hideouts of bandits and slave traders have been identified after this sudden check-up. Because the gates have been completely locked down, there's no escape for the bad guys. - CoffeeAddict7710mthCommented
Show more chaos
Suddenly, chaos visited the town governed by the Ravelgrace kingdom. Knights scatter throughout the public and even the alleyways. - CoffeeAddict7710mthCommented
Who's talking?
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Tenses
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This seems rushed. What's the town looked like?
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Riddit lol
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A not-so appropriate internal monologue insert
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tenses
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Make it past tense
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Show the flashback
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missing dialogue tag
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Noble people can abuse lengthened and mannered speeches.
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dinner in the morning?
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This is an unnecessary mention since he's not there. Showing works in his reappearance on the latter chaps
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Replace repeated words
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trait of the dark lord that she needs to avoid?
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seven-year gap
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reason? is it necessary?
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